Hilly Kristal: [Being introduced to the Ramones] What do you guys have for me?
Joey Ramone: We got four songs. I don't wanna walk around with you, I don't wanna be learned, I don't wanna be tamed and I don't wanna go down to the basement.
Hilly Kristal: Lot of things you don't wanna do.
Genya Ravan: What the fuck it's that?
Cheetah Chrome: What?
Genya Ravan: Get rid of those fucking things.
Stiv Bators: They just stickers.
Genya Ravan: Hilly, your manager, the guy who is footing the bill for this, is Jewish. Me, your producer, I'm Jewish. And the guy who owns this studio, who is doing us a favor by letting us recording at this ridiculous prices, he's got numbers tattooed in his arm. Do you know what that means?
Cheetah Chrome: Not really.
Genya Ravan: Auschwitz. Hitler. Nazis. Now get rid of those fucking swastikas.
Legs McNeil: [Talking about a new magazine] Cool, I can be like the editor, or something.
John Holmstrom: No. I'm the editor and the illustrator.
Legs McNeil: Whoa... what does that leave me?
John Holmstrom: You're just a punk.
Hilly Kristal: [Talking to The Ramones] Nobody will like you!
Hilly Kristal: Where are you guys from?
Cheetah Chrome: Cleveland, sir.
Hilly Kristal: Well, I'm impressed with the youth of Cleveland.
Cheetah Chrome: You shouldn't be.
Hilly Kristal: Why not?
Cheetah Chrome: Lot of losers.
Judge: This is your second failed attempt to run a bar.
Hilly Kristal: A club.
Judge: Divorced and two bankruptcies. Perhaps you should try something else.
Hilly Kristal: You gotta spend money to make money.
Lisa Kristal: [irate] You gotta *have* money to spend money to make money. And since you spend all the money you make, you don't have any money to spend. So you might wanna think about saving the money you make, instead of spending the money you make.
Genya Ravan: Look, you guys, you're not Nazis, okay? You're punks, and anything bad, anything wrong, you wanna do it. I get it. Now let's go have a bagel.
Cheetah Chrome: What's a bagel?
Genya Ravan: What's... What's a bagel? What part of Cleveland are you from? Cleveland, Germany?
Lisa Kristal: I just don't get it. Why did you risk everything on the Dead Boys? Was it the auto-asphyxiation or the self-mutilation?
Hilly Kristal: They could have been a bellwether.
Lisa Kristal: That's debatable.
Hilly Kristal: [giving an interview] I opened CBGB because I thought country music was gonna become the next big thing. And it did... in Nashville.
Terry Ork: Terry Ork. I manage the band Television.
[Hilly gestures for him to sit down]
Terry Ork: Oh. Uh, you just met the guitar players, Richard and Tom, outside.
[Hilly squashes a cockroach]
Terry Ork: It's win-win. CBGB gets new customers buying drinks, and we get to play for an audience.
Hilly Kristal: [wiping away the roach remains] They any good?
Terry Ork: They are... raw, man. They're... they're... primitive. They are going to be huge.
Hilly Kristal: I bet they stink. But maybe if they perform... they'll get better.
Genya Ravan: So is that your real hair color or do you just dye it that way?
Cheetah Chrome: Who wants to know?
Genya Ravan: Me.
Cheetah Chrome: It's real.
[he unbuckles his belt and drops his trousers]
Cheetah Chrome: So, now you know.
Genya Ravan: Yeah, we're good.
Genya Ravan: So, they vomit, they drop trow, they slash themselves, they bleed, they hang themselves, and that's just on stage.
Hilly Kristal: I think their on-stage antics are evidence of commitment.
Genya Ravan: Hilly, I don't want to produce a shit album for a flash in the pan band.
Hilly Kristal: Fine, I'll find somebody else.
[she grins, then stands up and they shake hands]
Genya Ravan: We're gonna need money.
Hilly Kristal: Yep.
Genya Ravan: And we're gonna need to take 'em out on the road.
Hilly Kristal: Yep.
Genya Ravan: Cheetah doesn't trust me.
Hilly Kristal: Cheetah takes too many drugs.
Hilly Kristal: [handing Genya a wad of cash] I went to a pawn shop. Sold everything. My father's watch.
Genya Ravan: They destroyed your truck.
Hilly Kristal: And their equipment. They're gonna need equipment.
Genya Ravan: Why are you doing this?
Hilly Kristal: I believe in them.
Genya Ravan: [he turns to leave] Hey. Thank you.
Hilly Kristal: Why are you thanking me?
Genya Ravan: Somebody should.
Lisa Kristal: [answering a phone call] Zeke wants to know what time they're going on tonight.
Hilly Kristal: I don't know yet.
Lisa Kristal: [into the phone] Bastard won't tell me.
Mad Mountain: This place is starting to happen. It's still shit-ass music, you ask me.
Hilly Kristal: It's not the Grand Ole Opry.
Mad Mountain: It's hard to get Conway Twitty down to the Bowery.
Hilly Kristal: One day.
Mad Mountain: Maybe me and the boys'll hang back 'till then. Stop scaring the kids. Let you grow this place into a, uh, something. Then when you're famous, and old Twitty shows up, I'll be back and I'm bringing all my friends.
Hilly Kristal: Admission on the house.
Mad Mountain: Don't forget, we're right down the block.
Hilly Kristal: Thanks, Leslie.
Mad Mountain: Nobody calls me that. Except my grandma. All right, boys, let's get the hell out of this punk-ass excuse for a bar. You want a re-match, you know where to find me. Oh... one more thing. Clean those fucking toilets. They just... you can't... it's the sm... they're disgusting.
Hilly Kristal: [agreeing to let Television play at CBGB] Only original music.
Terry Ork: You got it. Ah, that way you get to avoid paying ASCAP fees.
Hilly Kristal: It's a philosophy.
Terry Ork: Hey, Iggy.
Iggy Pop: Hey, Ork.
Terry Ork: Let's go downstairs. I'll give you head.
Iggy Pop: Why don't you just lick my stomach? Everybody wants to suck my cock.
Terry Ork: All right.
Dee Dee Ramone: Hilly! Sire Records. This is the contract.
Hilly Kristal: Congratulations.
Joey Ramone: You pissed?
Johnny Ramone: I'd be fucking pissed.
Dee Dee Ramone: You're always fucking pissed.
Hilly Kristal: Are you kidding me? I'm proud of you guys.
Joey Ramone: Can't believe we got signed. We suck.
Lisa Kristal: This is what you're spending. This is what you're making.
Hilly Kristal: I have to get back out there.
Merv Ferguson: Give her a minute, Hilly.
Lisa Kristal: You're spending too much. You cannot afford to personally take on a band.
Merv Ferguson: I agree with Lisa on this.
Hilly Kristal: Oh, this is about the Dead Boys.
Merv Ferguson: Ye... before we branch out, we need to get our primary business in order. And we need to put proper vendor agreements in place. We need to have billing cycles. Look here, okay? This is what you're spending on toilet paper.
Hilly Kristal: I don't believe that.
Lisa Kristal: You... you're getting it from the deli. A lot of it! If you buy it in bulk, you can get it for a fraction of the price. This is what you're spending on beer. This is what you are bringing in on the bar in general. Hey, too many customers are drinking for free!
Hilly Kristal: Oh, this is bullshit.
Merv Ferguson: Hilly, cut it out!
Hilly Kristal: Why are we talking about toilet paper? I have Genya Ravan out there ready to produce the Dead Boys album. You're wasting my time!
Lisa Kristal: Fine.
Hilly Kristal: [Lisa storms out] God damn it, Hilly.
Lisa Kristal: I'm going to law school.
Hilly Kristal: Really? How come?
Lisa Kristal: 'Cause I know you're gonna need me to. Even though I know you'll never admit it. Your friends have been waiting out there for you all fucking day. Get your ass out there!
Hilly Kristal: You know, I really don't appreciate all the swearing.
Lisa Kristal: You seen this?
Hilly Kristal: No.
Lisa Kristal: "The great thing about this band, Television, is that they have absolutely n musical or socially redeeming characteristics and they know it."
Hilly Kristal: Who wrote that?
Lisa Kristal: Josh Feigenbaum.
Hilly Kristal: Who's he?
Lisa Kristal: He's important. So, people are gonna read this and they're gonna start talking. And bands are gonna start showing up wanting to play here. And all bands have fans, even the shitty ones. And everybody wants to be in a band and have fans, so new bands are gonna start up and show up. You have no idea what's about to happen here. So... gimme a job.
Merv Ferguson: The pay sucks. The music sucks. But far be it from me to refute the words of Josh Feigenbaum.
Hilly Kristal: What do you expect to do around here?
Lisa Kristal: Well, what do you do around here?
Hilly Kristal: Do you want a job or do you want to fight?
Lisa Kristal: I asked you for a job.
Hilly Kristal: Fine.
[she hands him the Josh Feigenbaum article and he gives it a once-over]
Hilly Kristal: Okay. To start with, bands will sound check from 4:00 to 6:00.
Hilly Kristal: I'll post the lineup at 7:30. And bands don't get to decide the order. They fight, they're out.
Lisa Kristal: Got it. Anything else?
Hilly Kristal: Yeah. Bikers don't pay for their drinks.
Lisa Kristal: When?
Hilly Kristal: A lot.
Mad Mountain: Ever.
Lisa Kristal: Why not?
Hilly Kristal: Policy.
[the phone rings]
Hilly Kristal: CBGB. Hold on.
[covering the receiver]
Hilly Kristal: Bill collectors. You're hired.
[Jonathan poops on the floor]
Hilly Kristal: Cleanup on aisle ten.
Lisa Kristal: Oh, he is not talking to me, is he?
Merv Ferguson: Yes. He is.
Bertha Kristal: This is quite good!
Joey Ramone: Hilly's chili, huh? Word is Stiv Bators jerks off in that chili.
Bertha Kristal: I've had worse in my mouth.
Hilly Kristal: It's the only bar in the city with Fresca on tap.
Merv Ferguson: Yeah, but that shit will kill you.
Taxi: [after a night's work] Seven dollars? How am I supposed to live on this?
Merv Ferguson: Hey man, art sucks.
Hilly Kristal: What's their name?
Merv Ferguson: The Ramones. Look like they were raised on the police lines.
Johnny Blitz: Your dog is crappin' on the floor, sir.
Hilly Kristal: Yeah, he does that.
Michael Sticca: I piss in ice machines.