Peep Show (TV Series)

Seasonal Beatings (2010)

Clive Merrison: Dan Corrigan

Photos 

Quotes 

• [During a game of Charades] 

  Dan Corrigan : Jez, over here. Got one for you.

  [whispers in Jeremy's ear] 

  Dan Corrigan : Thus Spake Zarathustra.

  Jeremy Usborne : Excuse me?

  Dan Corrigan : It's a book by Nietzsche.

  [he grins wickedly] 

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Oh, great. Fucking thanks, Dan. Thus? No. Spake? No. Zarathustra? Nope.

  [he starts flapping his arms like a chicken] 

  Super Hans : Chicken Run.

  Jeremy Usborne : Correct.

  [he goes to sit back down] 

  Dan Corrigan : But...

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Fuck you, Dan.

  [out loud, innocently] 

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said Chicken Run.

• Dan Corrigan : Now, where's the cauliflower?

  Mark Corrigan : Cauliflower is not traditional, Dad.

  Dan Corrigan : [shouts]  CAULIFLOWER IS TRADITIONAL!

  [a very awkward silence falls upon the table] 

  Dobby : I don't know if it really is traditional, actually.

  Dan Corrigan : Could you not slip a muzzle on your woman, please, Mark?

  [Dobby's jaw drops. The silence continues] 

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  I notice I'm not saying anything.

  Mark Corrigan : Ahhhh...

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Still not saying anything...

  [Dobby looks at him, waiting for him to say something] 

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Nothing coming...

  Dobby : [getting up]  You'll have to excuse me. Thank you, this has all been horrible.

• Dan Corrigan : We're not playing bleeding Pictionary. It's a made-up game.

• Pam Corrigan : [about a play she's written]  It's about this group of young people who are very sexually repressed. But they become less and less repressed due to the influence of this wise, twinkly old Jamaican woman, who leads them through a series of experiences.

  Dan Corrigan : You've got to have a Jamaican if you're going to chase the funding. 'Elf and Safety, innit?

• Dan Corrigan : [spills his drink]  Oh, for fudge's sake!

  Mark Corrigan : It's OK, Dad, the carpet's seen worse.

  Sarah : You Jezzed the carpet just like you Jezzed the directions, Dad!

  [she and Pam giggle. Mark looks uncomfortable] 

  Jeremy Usborne : Erm, Jezzed?

  Pam Corrigan : We got it from Mark, didn't we, Mark?

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh, right. So, uh... it's when you...

  Pam Corrigan : When you get something wrong - he Jezzed it.

  Dan Corrigan : Total balls-up, a real Jezzing.

  Jeremy Usborne : Right. Yeah. Yeah, that is funny. Sort of a bit like being famous.

  [the doorbell rings] 

  Jeremy Usborne : I'll go and see who that is. Let's hope I don't Jez it, or do a big Mark in my pants.

• Mark Corrigan : [trying out the second-hand paper shredder his dad has given him for Christmas]  I guess it is time to move to cross-cut, my old strip-cut was probably a security risk to be honest.

  Dan Corrigan : That's a real shredder, not a Nancy boy shredder.

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Ugh, the office equipment homophobe.

• Dan Corrigan : Have these sprouts been done properly?

  Jeremy Usborne : Yes.

  Dan Corrigan : I can't see any little crosses in their bottoms.

  Jeremy Usborne : Well, they're definitely there.

  Mark Corrigan : Yep.

  [voiceover] 

  Mark Corrigan : Definitely not! Truth and reconciliation commission after all this. Full enquiry. Savile, not Hutton.