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"How I Met Your Mother" Natural History (TV Episode 2010) Poster

Quotes

Zoey Pierson: Ted, this is my husband.

Ted Mosby: So Captain, how did you get that name?

The Captain: I gave it to myself. A real man chooses his real name.

Ted Mosby: Well, pleased to meet you, Captain. I'm Galactic President Superstar MacAwesomeville.

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The Captain: I hear my wife got you pretty good.

Ted Mosby: She caught me on tape trashing GNB.

The Captain: Ohh that damn recorder... Try being married to that. You're a good guy Galactic President Superstar McAwesomeville. Tell you what, when Zoey goes to sleep, I'll find that tape and erase it for you, no hard feelings.

Ted Mosby: Really? You'd do that to your own wife?

The Captain: Sure, why not? I mean, I'm glad she has these little causes, they keep her out of trouble, but... When she throws a temper tantrum and it gets in the way of someone doing their job, that's a problem.

Ted Mosby: No, you know what? Don't erase the tape. And for what it's worth, I don't think she's throwing temper tantrums. I just think she's standing up for what she believes in. I respect that.

Narrator: Kids, there is an amazing architectural phenomenon in the Natural History Museum. If you stand in the right spot, you can hear a conversation, all the way across the room.

[See Zoey has heard the entire conversation]

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Robin Scherbatsky: [Barney and Robin have just been summoned to the Natural History Museum security office for pulling off pranks. An unexpected revelation about Barney's uncle actually being his father hits him hard] So, when was the last time you saw him?

Barney Stinson: It was that day, July 23rd, 1981. My mom got pretty upset he let me destroy a New York City landmark.

Robin Scherbatsky: [scoffs] Moms.

Barney Stinson: He never came around anymore after the fact. Think he moved away.

Robin Scherbatsky: Well, maybe the security guy had it wrong, you know...

Barney Stinson: You do know, you do know, that's the thing, you know. He's my dad.

[long pause]

Robin Scherbatsky: Barney, do you wanna...

Barney Stinson: [emotionally] I don't wanna do anything. Don't tell anyone about this, okay?

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Ted Mosby: Oh my God, you have a monocle! Is this real? Is this really happening? Good luck killing James Bond.

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Robin Scherbatsky: You wanna dance? Let's dance.

Barney Stinson: I live for the dance.

Robin Scherbatsky: Get your other hand, off my ass.

Barney Stinson: Sorry, sorry.

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College Marshall Eriksen: [Lily sees a College Marshall exhibit and she asks College Marshall to return to her] You can't have me. Look at the sign.

[Lily sees EXTINCT tag at exhibit signage]

College Marshall Eriksen: I'm extinct. I've gone the way of Jane's Addiction.

Lily Aldrin: Actually, Jane's Addiction got back together.

College Marshall Eriksen: They did?

Lily Aldrin: Yeah, they've done a few tours, they've put out a new album.

College Marshall Eriksen: Are you serious? That is awesome! Are they just as good?

Lily Aldrin: [pause] Sure.

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Barney Stinson: [Explaining his childhood antics at the Natural History Museum] So, naturally I snapped the rip off of a triceratops, bloppidy bloppidy blue, I knocked down the whale.

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Ted Mosby: If I wanted to make it personal, I'd call you a bored little trophy wife who likes to play activist when the shops on Fifth Ave are closed.

Zoey Pierson: You're going down.

Ted Mosby: Down where? To the yacht club? I'd love to, but wait I'm half Jewish, is that going to be a problem?

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Lily Aldrin: [Marshall explains he technically didn't lie to Lily, since he responded with made-up words] So you'll probably quit GNB in a couple of years, right?

Marshall Eriksen: Affirmatootly.

Lily Aldrin: And become an environmental lawyer?

Marshall Eriksen: Yepskerdoodles.

Lily Aldrin: By the way, do you like this scarf?

Marshall Eriksen: Posititoachidoachmecoachipapoachey.

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Zoey Pierson: My life isn't perfect.

[Zoey begins to cry]

Zoey Pierson: I got married at 22 to a man who calls himself "The Captain". I hate boats, Ted. I do, I hate them. I can't be on them, I can't be near them, I can't even think about them without getting seasick. You want to know why I want to save that building? Because when I look up at the Arcadian, I see something big, and solid, and right now everything else in my life just feels like I'm on a boat. I know it's crazy to care that much about a building...

Ted Mosby: It's not crazy at all, I'm the same way. Look, Zoey, the Arcadian should be a landmark, it should. The lion-head stonework is iconic. I hate that we have to tear it down, I hate working for GNB. They're a bunch of wieners and gonads.

Zoey Pierson: Ted, that was... really easy.

[Pulls out a voice recorder]

Zoey Pierson: This should be useful.

Ted Mosby: You tricked me!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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