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Bishop Goldthwarp (Bobcat Goldthwait) decrees that Father Paul (Paul Kozlowski) must judge the inter-diocese hymn-writing contest. Unfortunately for Father Paul, his best friend, Father Tom (Tom Kenny), has his heart set on winning. The problem is that Father Tom sucks; all his hymns are just rip-offs of public-domain songs ("Mary had a little boy / little boy / little boy"), and thus Father Paul feels guilty for deceiving his friend.
Meanwhile, Father Paul must attend to the spiritual needs of his celebrity parishioners. Comedian Eddie Pepitone seeks spiritual guidance after accidentally smothering his wife; Comedian Frank Conniff seeks penance after going to a massage parlor; Actress Mary Lynn Rajskub asks for advice about getting a boob job versus helping the poor.