Pirate hunter Captain Edward Reynolds and his blond first mate, Jules Steel, return where they are recruited by a shady governor general to find a darkly sinister Chinese empress pirate, ... See full summary »
Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner ... See full summary »
Heiress Lisa Carson, girlfriend to Bruce Wayne, is kidnapped by the Riddler. A call on the bat-phone summons Batman and Robin to police headquarters. A flick of the switch hidden in a bust ... See full summary »
Fred likes to daydream about Wilma and Betty at work. Back home, Wilma's old friend Tyler Rockman has come to visit. Pebbles is 18 and about to move out, but still has to sneak around with ... See full summary »
Brooke Lee Adams
Widower Dr. David Banner and his lonely colleague Dr. Elaina Marks are trying to find out how sexual frustration can lead to feats of superhuman strength. But Banner goes too far when he ... See full summary »
Axel Braun, the hack who cranks out video parodies/ripoffs (STAR TREK is one of his worst) like sausage, perpetrated this AVATAR clone with a special added detraction: incompetent 3-D photography. The video comes with an extra disk in 2-D, which is necessary in this case.
Handling his own camera, Braun lives up to his moniker: no brains, all brawn. The nearly static camera approach is tedious in the extreme, but poor lighting renders most of the dull action difficult to watch and an instant eyes-strainer.
Like his STAR TREK effort, this isn't funny or amusing at all, merely imitation. It isn't flattering to James Cameron because it is so poorly done. Braun has a lot to answer for: he even had the temerity to cast Randy Spears as David Letterman (man, what an insult all around) in one of his ephemeral Sarah Palin cash-ins.
Evan Stone, a hambone who undiscriminating porn fans (or is it shills?) have elevated to some sort of acting pantheon status, is terrible in his lame imitation of Stephen Lang's gung-ho colonel in the original film. Beyond that, the video's only achievement is to have nearly adequate makeup to simulate the 10-ft.-tall avatars in strictly live action, blue-painted form, rather than CGI. It's cheaper.
Lexington Steele shows up with his massive member in a final orgy, but the absence of any closeups (Braun couldn't figure out how to shoot a 3-D closeup in focus evidently) wastes the "big cocks in 3-D" potential of this junker -I guess the vintage gay porn movie HEAVY EQUIPMENT was the best attempt at that kink. Female cast is not attractive, with or without gobs of makeup applications; even Nikki Hunter, who looked fine in a video ALICE I saw recently (not listed in IMDb at all for some reason) is unarousing here.
This one is strictly for rainy day masochists; a true masochist would opt for quality vintage porn from Phil Prince or Joe Davian.
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