Pirate hunter Captain Edward Reynolds and his blond first mate, Jules Steel, return where they are recruited by a shady governor general to find a darkly sinister Chinese empress pirate, ... See full summary »
Michelle A. Sinclair
Swash and unbuckle. In 1763, the Caribbean is awash in pirates. The worst is Stagnetti, backed by his bloodthirsty first mate, Serena. He wants the Scepter of Inca, which gives its owner ... See full summary »
"You'll leave the theater humming the set design" would pertain to BODY HEAT (yes the 2010 all-star XXX version, not the Kathleen Turner/William Hurt classic) if it had been a theatrical release back in the day. Instead this expensive video era production delivers sex with one of the corniest plot lines in current memory.
I was surprised that a gonzo helmer like Robby D. would get all sentimental on us, but that's exactly what happens. Poor little Kayden Kross (hey mom, my name is trademarked!) can't get over the loss of her fellow fireperson lover Manuel Ferrara, who, looking like John Bromfield in his deep-diving suit in the B classic MANFISH, gets blowed up real good while trying to defuse a bomb early in the film, but fortunately after he wields his mighty dick on Kayden.
Weirdest casting I've seen in a while is Kastuni as the hard-boiled police captain Katharine (these porn movies generally use actors' stage names for their character names unless the thespian has a goofy name like Stormy or Katsumi or Katsuni). Film opens with a shot of her forlorn at Engine 23 fire station's window, and then battling the rest of the running time to save it (and her team's jobs) in the face of mean developer Ben English buying up all the property around. With plot twists dating back to a Shirley Temple movie starring Arthur Treacher even Evil Ben (his character is renamed Cash for obvious reasons) turns out to be Gentle Ben, a good guy.
That's the entire plot with time out for a dumb cameo by Evan Stone and seven hardcore sex scenes mixing and matching a truly all-star cast. My personal favorite was Bridgette B., looking absolutely terrific to us old-timers with her huge breasts bulging (but covered a bit) in trashy outfits befitting her role as English's lawyer, but fully bare bouncing up & down in a three-way scene with English and cute Riley Steele.
Real fire trucks and a helicopter were employed for some action footage and the overall verisimilitude of these famous porn icons playing working stiffs (pun intended) rises to the level of at least a PORKY'S sequel.
I watched as an unplanned experiment the film in its 87-minute version as censored by the Australian Censor Board, after watching an uncensored hardcore version of an actual Australian movie THE ABC of LOVE AND SEX which had originally suffered a similar slice & dice fate. Adding back all the XXX footage (provided on a separate DVD) to the soft X Down Under version results in an approximate 150-minute running time.
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