- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: House, I need you to come to that dinner for two hours, keep your mouth shut, and behave like an adult. Yes, you will be in Hell, but I will feel better having you there. That is what a relationship is. We average our misery.
- Rachel Taub: Am I imagining things, or did I see a billboard with your face on it on my way home tonight?
- Dr. Chris Taub: Oh, was my whole face there? 'Cause I just saw the nose.
- Dr. James Wilson: [after Arlene passes out because House drugged her] Leaving aside the fact that House is a sociopath, I have to admit that I'm - I'm honestly relieved. Your mom is quite a - quite a handful.
- Dr. James Wilson: What?... I feel fu...
- [Wilson realizes House drugged him]
- Dr. James Wilson: Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
- [Starts speaking in gibberish and passes out]
- Dr. Gregory House: Sorry. I honestly thought you'd be worse.
- Arlene: In the clinic, you were a complete schmendrick. But once you knew I was Lisa's mother, you held your tongue. That's because you love her. I still think you're a pain in the ass with a God complex, and I'll kill you if you hurt her, but I'm glad she has you.
- Rachel Taub: Hi.
- Dr. Chris Taub: I think we should get a divorce. You have feelings for him, and I can't handle that. But it's my fault you needed someone else. I keep hurting you.
- Rachel Taub: We love each other.
- Dr. Chris Taub: I know. But are you happy?
- Rachel Taub: No.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Then what are we doing?
- Dr. Robert Chase: You think Taub really comes across as the most trustworthy doctor here?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I knew it was bugging you.
- Dr. Robert Chase: They cut me out.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: You're a pretty boy. Works well with the ladies, not so much with the patients. No one wants an underwear model performing their splenectomy.
- Dr. Robert Chase: I notice they weren't exactly knocking down your door looking for Dr. Trustworthy.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: That's 'cause I'm black. Cortisol levels look normal. We were wrong. Which House will interpret as him being right. He's gonna make us biopsy the pituitary gland.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You seem pretty calm for a guy who's surrounded by racists.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: 80% of the Princeton population is white. Some are racist, some aren't. White works with both demographics.
- Dr. Robert Chase: So race is your excuse, not the fact that you usually look like you're about to punch someone in the face?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: We're good.
- Dr. Robert Chase: [to Taub] So she's not cheating on you, and you're getting all the action you can handle. I don't see the downside.
- Arlene: My own daughter is a doctor. She makes a hobby of dismissing my concerns.
- Dr. Gregory House: She sounds smart.
- Arlene: Did she tell you to say that?
- Dr. Gregory House: [House scoffs] I've never met your daughter.
- Arlene: That's hard to believe since you're currently shtupping her.
- Eva: Do you think we could consult with him?
- Dr. Robert Chase: I didn't know you knew Dr. Taub.
- Eva: I don't.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You saw the ads.
- Eva: Look, no offense, but you were wrong yesterday. And they wouldn't have made him the face of the hospital if he weren't really good, right?
- Dr. Robert Chase: Dr. Taub. The patient would like to see you.
- Dr. Chris Taub: How can I help?
- Dr. Chris Taub: Three weeks isn't so bad.
- Eva: It's not three weeks. This is what he's always done. Just one more tour.
- Dr. Chris Taub: I'm sorry.
- Eva: The pathetic thing is, I let myself believe that he could change, he could be this other guy. There's nothing worse than loving someone who's never gonna stop disappointing you.
- Dr. Gregory House: [about Masters] God! She's still talking. Make it stop.
- Dr. Robert Chase: House's world view doesn't include random acts of self-sacrifice. He's gonna count heroism as a symptom until proven otherwise.
- Dr. Gregory House: [House turns around finds Wilson and Cuddy] I forgot. you guys talk. Look, no offense to either of you, but dinner with your mom? Come on, I- I have to act like a decent human being, and you know what a strain that puts on me. And *you*. Ever since you broke up with Sam, you've done nothing but mope and whine. It's an unbelievable bummer.
- Dr. James Wilson: And just what is so exciting you have to blow off both of us to do it?
- Dr. Gregory House: I just want to sit on my couch in my underwear, drink Scotch and watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey... by myself. I just want one night off. Is that so much to ask?
- Dr. James Wilson, Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Yes!
- Martha Masters: Why is your assumption of his guilt more valid than my assumption of his selflessness?
- Dr. Gregory House: Because my assumption is backed up by millions of men, and Taub, who've cheated on their wives. Find the girl and the love nest. Every hero has his Kryptonite.
- Arlene: I've got a train to catch.
- Dr. Gregory House: I thought you were staying till Sunday.
- Arlene: I'm coming down with a cold. Every time I stay with Lisa or her sister, one of those rugrats gets me sick. Children are awful.
- Arlene: [to House] So, say you two got married. Would you convert to Judaism?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: We haven't gotten that far, mom.
- Dr. James Wilson: That's actually a really interesting question.
- Dr. Gregory House: I'm an atheist.
- Arlene: Honey, half the Jews I know are atheists. It's about community.