Dr. Robert Chase: Sorry I took off on you.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Twice?
Dr. Robert Chase: First one was my bad. Second one I had no choice. It was a threesome.
Dr. Chris Taub: They're overrated.
Dr. Gregory House: I've been an idiot. I got this argument stuck in my head. If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's... fictional. But trust is not an argument that can be won or lost. Maybe I just have to suspend my cynicism and believe. Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith. I'm sorry. I won't lie to you again.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Thank you.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm not apologizing for doing the right thing.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Lying to me was not the right thing. Puncture wounds are from a crucifixion.
Dr. Gregory House: I lied to save my patient's life. I didn't lie to you. I lied to my boss. Either of those arguments working yet?
[Cuddy walks away]
Dr. Gregory House: I guess that means that I don't have to go to the wedding on Saturday.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: The hospital's Chairman of the Board? I'm not gonna stand him up, and neither are you!
Dr. James Wilson: I was buying an engagement ring. I'm gonna propose to Sam at the wedding.
Dr. Gregory House: That is the second stupidest thing I've heard today. And I'm surprised how close you came. You don't need to buy her a new ring. Isn't the first one good for all you can marry?
Dr. James Wilson: I assume you haven't apologized to Cuddy. Your stupidity demands equal time.
Dr. Gregory House: Nothing to apologize for.
Rachel Taub: I made a new friend online - in a support group.
Dr. Chris Taub: A guy?
Rachel Taub: Yes.
Dr. Chris Taub: A support group for what?
Rachel Taub: For people with unfaithful spouses.
Dr. Chris Taub: He hasn't had hallucinations.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about *him* with a capital O-M-G.
Dr. Robert Chase: You want us to do a differential diagnosis on Jesus?
Dr. Chris Taub: Chickens aren't roosting. She's just got a friend. A guy she met in an online support group for cheating spouses.
Dr. Robert Chase: I've heard of that group. It's called "irony."
Dr. Chris Taub: You think she's cheating on her spouse with someone from a cheating spouse support group?
Dr. Robert Chase: Sounds like the perfect place to hit on vulnerable women.
Dr. Gregory House: So either God intervened, which is a lazy explanation, or we just don't know why - which is no explanation.
Dr. James Wilson: Sometimes there's no explanation. And I'm just fine with that.
Dr. Gregory House: Which annoys me to no end.
Dr. Gregory House: She's got looks. He's got money. One of them's bound to run out.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I give it... 19 months.
Dr. Gregory House: That's very specific.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: No fault divorce in New Jersey requires couples to live at least 18 months apart. I'm actually only giving it a few weeks.
Dr. Gregory House: I thought I was supposed to be the dark one.
Martha Masters: You're smiling. Does that mean you're comfortable with your choice or that you're afraid. Because this may be your only hope.
Ramon: You can prescribe a lot of things. But hope isn't one of them.
Dr. Gregory House: Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences. You two have a lot in common. You're both idiots.
Ramon: One day, you're going to understand.
Marisa: No, I'm not. I'm never going to understand that! If God could do this, I hate God!
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm not here to be your wingman.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'll be your wingman this time.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I didn't come here to get laid.
Dr. Robert Chase: Then don't. Talking to beautiful women isn't nearly as much fun as watching Taub not talking to his wife.
Martha Masters: How could you do what you did?
Ramon: That's why we have beliefs. So we can still see the right thing to do, when we're blinded with doubt and fear. Our beliefs define us. If we lose them, who are we?
Dr. Gregory House: You were married before - 1987 for six days. Your knowledge of New Jersey divorce law made me suspicious, so I looked it up.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: So this was all your trap.
Dr. Gregory House: Uh, trap's primitive. I prefer "inveiglement." Anyway, the point is, I lied to you. You lied to me. I forgive you.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: ...Well played.
Martha Masters: If you had told me, he'd be dead by now. So why do I still want to tell the truth?
Dr. Gregory House: Either you're naive or you have scruples. I'm not sure which is worse.
Martha Masters: This is insane! We can't work like this.
Dr. Gregory House: I can.
Dr. Gregory House: I apologized to her.
Dr. James Wilson: ...Good for you.
[Wilson starts to leave]
Dr. Gregory House: Not really, I lied. Just took your advice, too bad you didn't.
Dr. James Wilson: Good for you.
Ramon: Faith is not a disease.
Dr. Gregory House: No. Of course not. On the other hand... It is communicable and it kills a lot of people.
Dr. Gregory House: Talking to Cuddy... "What do you got against chickens? One of them got choked last night because of you"
Dr. Gregory House: What do you got against chickens? One got choked last night, thanks to you.
Dr. James Wilson: Pretend to apologize.
Dr. Gregory House: You want me to lie?
Dr. James Wilson: There's a lovely symmetry to it. A lie got you into it, a lie gets you out of it.
Dr. Gregory House: Everybody lies. I'm sure Cuddy... Just need to give her a chance.
Dr. James Wilson: Yeah, that must've been what I meant.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Have you seen the bride-to-be?
Dr. Robert Chase: Gorgeous woman half his age. He's a lucky guy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, for a while.
Martha Masters: My father's 19 years older than my mother and they've been happily married for 32 years.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm guessing your dad wasn't on the Forbes 400 and your mom didn't look like a swimsuit model.
[Masters stares hard at him]
Dr. Eric Foreman: Sorry, that didn't come out right.
Martha Masters: My father was the classics chair at Columbia and my mother was his student... His gorgeous student.
Dr. Gregory House: Because morally she didn't. All five patients were terminal, she exceeded the dosing protocols to try to save their life. You'd have done the same. She's a sap and she's perfect for you.
Dr. Eric Foreman: See? Life of the bachelor. All of the sex, none of the guilt.
Dr. Chris Taub: It's not over, okay? I just really miscalculated. I thought she'd forgiven me for everything but all those hurt feelings, they never really went away.
Dr. Gregory House: That makes a lot more sense.
Dr. James Wilson: Ignore him, he just got an idea.
Dr. Gregory House: I have one more test to run.
Ramon: This doesn't mean God doesn't exist, it just means he's truly merciful. My beautiful Marisa was right, God is all about love.
Dr. Gregory House: Punishment is proof of God and no punishment is proof of God. Ingenious argument.
Ramon: Faith isn't an argument.