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Taintlight (2009)

Not Rated  |  Video  |   |  Comedy  |  17 November 2009 (USA)
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Ratings: 2.1/10 from 213 users  
Reviews: 5 user | 2 critic

Riding the lofty coattails of the international tween sensation, TAINTLIGHT is the tale of Stella, a young girl who falls in love with an ancient, beautifully-behaired bloodsucker named Edgar.



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Credited cast:
Jesse Ames ...
Andrew Baltes ...
Rathbone & Mime
Miranda Bonetwig ...
Billy Garberina ...
Tobius & Raoul
Jesse Green ...
Meredith Host ...
Kurt Indovina ...
Jason McCall ...
Chris Seaver ...
Jock de Queaf
Jessica Stephens ...
Josh Suire ...
Leo's Twin Brother


Riding the lofty coattails of the international tween sensation, TAINTLIGHT is the tale of Stella, a young girl who falls in love with an ancient, beautifully-behaired bloodsucker named Edgar.

Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis




Not Rated




Release Date:

17 November 2009 (USA)  »

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Aspect Ratio:

1.78 : 1
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References Terror at Blood Fart Lake (2009) See more »

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User Reviews

Liked it? I *beep* loved it
5 December 2010 | by (Tallahassee, Florida) – See all my reviews

Anyone familiar with the films of Chris Seaver, and his Low Budget Pictures film company knows how this dude loves spoofing the more well-known stuff, such as Friday The 13th, Kill Bill, and Teen Wolf. Seaver's LBP, even to this day, is still probably considered a cheaper, less creative version of Troma. Not true. never been true. I'll admit, Seaver has gotten a little carried away with the spoofing, but that doesn't mean his stuff ain't semi-original, as he always throws in his own personal spin on things, which can range from hilarious to confusing. It takes no less than 10 seconds, and you know for a fact you're watching a Seaver epic. And it's no different with his 2009 masterpiece. LBP fans, and future LBP fans, this is Taintlight.

That's right. This time, Twilight is getting the treatment. Oh yeah, this one really had it coming. Anything this serious, and dull, yet totally ridiculous is just asking for it. And of course we got all the LBP regulars, such as Josh Suire, Jesse Ames, Billy Garberina, Meredith Host, and Seaver himself.

Unlike most spoofs, you won't really need to see the original in order to get it, but it's basically the same story... with, uhm, a few tweaks, here and there. Such as, the fact that incest jokes seem to pop up, every now and again, which is always hilarious.

Meredith Host plays Stella. A dull, brooding chick, with very little personality, who falls for Edgar, so-called vampire, high school heart-throb, and all around wuss. Together, they try to figure out exactly what it is they want from each other. Things get a bit complicated when a Michael Jackson-obsessed werewolf (A.J. Stabone) makes his intentions clear.

Eventually, a renegade group of "real" vamps, led by the legendary Razor McBleed, also wants a piece of Stella, it may be time for the so-called Vampire, and the so-called werewolf-boy-thing to put there differences aside.

Normally, Seaver spoofs movies he actually likes, so, it was simply priceless to watch the Seavage tear a film like Twilight to absolute shreds, while showing little to no mercy. In fact, Taintlight wasn't even Seaver's first choice for a title. The real title to this movie is Tw-wait a minute, I can't say that word on here. Well, think about it, and it'll probably come to you. I haven't had the displeasure of seeing the more sweet-natured Vampires Suck, and I am absolutely positive that I never will. Too little, too late, guys. LBP beat you to the punch. If you're looking for a less family friendly, less "safe", more mean-spirited spoof of the evil Twilight saga, Taintlight is definitely for you. Chris Seaver's lack of respect for those films is made abundantly clear. 4/10

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