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Taintlight (2009)

Video  -  Comedy  -  17 November 2009 (USA)
2.3
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Ratings: 2.3/10 from 194 users  
Reviews: 4 user | 2 critic

Riding the lofty coattails of the international tween sensation, TAINTLIGHT is the tale of Stella, a young girl who falls in love with an ancient, beautifully-behaired bloodsucker named Edgar.

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Cast

Credited cast:
Jesse Ames ...
Veronica
Andrew Baltes ...
Rathbone & Mime
Miranda Bonetwig ...
Rosalis
Billy Garberina ...
Tobius & Raoul
Jesse Green ...
Razor
Meredith Host ...
Stella
Kurt Indovina ...
Edgar
Jason McCall ...
T-Bone
Chris Seaver ...
Jock de Queaf
Jessica Stephens ...
Jessey
Josh Suire ...
Leo's Twin Brother
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Storyline

Riding the lofty coattails of the international tween sensation, TAINTLIGHT is the tale of Stella, a young girl who falls in love with an ancient, beautifully-behaired bloodsucker named Edgar.

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Comedy

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Not Rated
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Release Date:

17 November 2009 (USA)  »

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1.78 : 1
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Connections

Spoofs Twilight (2008) See more »

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User Reviews

 
Liked it? I'm obsessed with it
5 December 2010 | by (Tallahassee, Florida) – See all my reviews

Anyone familiar with the films of Chris Seaver, and his Low Budget Pictures film company knows how this dude loves spoofing the more well-known stuff, such as Friday The 13th, Kill Bill, and Teen Wolf. Seaver's LBP, even to this day, is still probably considered a cheaper, less creative version of Troma. Not true. never been true. I'll admit, Seaver has gotten a little carried away with the spoofing, but that doesn't mean his stuff ain't semi-original, as he always throws in his own personal spin on things, which can range from hilarious to confusing. It takes no less than 10 seconds, and you know for a fact you're watching a Seaver epic. And it's no different with his 2009 masterpiece. LBP fans, and future LBP fans, this is Taintlight.

That's right. This time, Twilight is getting the treatment. Oh yeah, this one really had it coming. Anything this serious, and dull, yet totally ridiculous is just asking for it. And of course we got all the LBP regulars, such as Josh Suire, Jesse Ames, Billy Garberina, Meredith Host, and Seaver himself.

Unlike most spoofs, you won't really need to see the original in order to get it, but it's basically the same story... with, uhm, a few tweaks, here and there. Such as, the fact that incest jokes seem to pop up, every now and again, which is always hilarious.

Meredith Host plays Stella. A dull, brooding chick, with very little personality, who falls for Edgar, so-called vampire, high school heart-throb, and all around wuss. Together, they try to figure out exactly what it is they want from each other. Things get a bit complicated when a Michael Jackson-obsessed werewolf (A.J. Stabone) makes his intentions clear.

Eventually, a renegade group of "real" vamps, led by the legendary Razor McBleed, also wants a piece of Stella, it may be time for the so-called Vampire, and the so-called werewolf-boy-thing to put there differences aside.

If you love Twilight, you just won't get it.

Normally, Seaver spoofs movies he actually likes, so, it was simply priceless to watch the Seavage tear a film like Twilight to absolute shreds, while showing little to no mercy. In fact, Taintlight wasn't even Seaver's first choice for a title. The real title to this movie is Tw-wait a minute, I can't say that word on here. Well, think about it, and it'll probably come to you. I haven't had the displeasure of seeing the more sweet-natured Vampires Suck, and I am absolutely positive that I never will. Too little, too late, guys. LBP beat you to the punch. If you're looking for a less family friendly, less "safe", more mean-spirited spoof of the evil Twilight saga, Taintlight is definitely for you. Chris Seaver's lack of respect for those films is made abundantly clear.

Goodbye LBP

On a tragic note. It has recently been brought to my attention that Taintlight will go down in History as one of Chris Seaver's very last LBP epics. As of February 2011, LBP will cease to exist. A sad day for independent Horror, indeed. And heartbreaking to the few of us who actually get and appreciate the Seavage humor. But then again, Those three letters are just that, just letters. I'm sure Seaver will continue to do what he's done for the last 20 years, create quality B-entertainment, and most importantly, make people laugh. In fact, in the coming year, keep an eye out for what will be the final gasps of breath for Low Budget Pictures. In 2011, we should be seeing Filthy McNasty 4, Geek War, Night Of The Inbred Rednecks, Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker! The Remake, and there should also be an LBP documentary being released in just a couple months. I sense big things in the Seavage's future, and hope he will always stay true to his vision, and continues to create outlandish characters, and genius dialogue, and most importantly, do things the Drive-In way. Cheers to the greatest B-movie director of the last decade. Long live LBP!!! 10/10


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