Before I begin, I'd like to say that there are probably worse movies out there, but this is the worst movie I've ever seen. If there are worse, please don't let me know.
With that said, THIS IS THE WORST, THE ABSOLUTE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN. MY. LIFE! I've seen Son of the Mask, Mr Popper's Penguins, Garbage Pail Kids, Manos: The Hands of Fate, Biodome, North, Starchaser, and the other Titanic movies, but this tops them all!
The movie is a sequel to the almost equally abominable movie The Legend of the Titanic, though it's a sequel in the same way Halloween III was a sequel to the rest of the franchise. None of the characters' voices are similar to the original, most of the personalities are either different or nonexistent, and they changed the gender of one of the main characters... The entire movie is also a contradiction since the first movie was told in a flashback that was completely different from what we see here. It's clear that whoever made this movie didn't even bother to watch the first movie(not that I blame them.)
To call this bad would be an understatement. To call this awful wouldn't cut it. To call it an UNGODLY ABOMINATION OF MANKIND AND IMAGINATION wouldn't even scrape the tip of the iceberg! The movie rapes your mind, destroys your intelligence, and smashes any sense of sanity or reality you may have had before watching. You will want to stab your eyes out and pour bleach into your skull to try to forget this crap!
I could go on and on, but this is a review, so what's it about?
In short: The main characters go searching for the Titanic, end up in Atlantis, and fight a swarm of mice and sharks.
In long: The main characters go searching for the Titanic, end up in Atlantis, and fight a swarm of mice and sharks.
Yes, this movie has the barest excuse for a plot, which becomes more nonsensical and disjointed as the movie goes on. There are side plots about love interests that go nowhere, villains from the first movie that appear out of nowhere and return to the inky blackness they came from, and an amazingly unnerving atmosphere created by the hostage cult known as Atlantis and the characters which instantly develop Stockholm Syndrome.
Oh yeah, the main characters are brought to Atlantis against their will, experimented on, and told they can never return... and they take this news as if told they just had to stay with at a friend's house overnight. ...Did I mention this movie is devoid of all logic and emotion? What else happens? They get in a war with rats and sharks... for some reason. The bad guy from the first movie joins in... for some reason. The rats give up but the war goes on for another 20 minutes... for some reason. Finally, our heroes are rewarded... FOR SOME REASON! They should just call this "Bland Characters Doing Random Things."
Oh, and if you don't think any of that sounds too bad, I didn't even mention Pengo and the other "aquatic friends", the toys that come to life without explanation(a la Toy Story, but creepier), the god-awful musical numbers with one featuring a rapping shark and the other continually changing genres, and the horrible HORRIBLE ending that will make you question if life is even worth living any more...
The characters are bland, stiff, and lifeless, as if they're puppets in a very bad kindergarten show. The songs are ear-rapingly bad and thrown in at the last minute. The animation makes Hanna Barbera look like a Miyazaki film. The backgrounds are murky. Even the voice-acting sounds like they dragged random people in the studio into a recording booth and gave them 30 minutes to ad-lib something. This is probably the only movie where I can say every frame of animation and every line spoken physically hurts me...
Overall, if I haven't made it clear enough, THIS MOVIE IS A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, HORRENDOUS, GOD-AWFUL, PATHETIC, WASTE OF TIME! I would give this movie -∞ stars if I could. No artistry, vision, story, or anything redeemable at all. You will walk away feeling unclean and it'll take days to recover from what you've seen. This is a movie that hits rock bottom in the first minute and somehow manages to drill through the Earth's crust as it continues on, finally ending in the molten center of pain and suffering. I wish that every copy of the movie and everyone involved was burned in one massive bonfire! ...If you're a glutton for punishment, watch Bobsheaux's review of the movie to get an understanding of just how bad this is. And don't forget the eye-bleach...
0 of 0 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?