Nathan Young: Can we please stop killing our probation workers?
Simon Bellamy: We should set up a password, then we can say it to each other so we know it's us.
Alisha: We're not having Monkeyslut as a password.
Nathan: What are the chances of that being used in a normal conversation? Kinda low, no?
Kelly: Awww, just go with it... Monkeyslut!
Nathan: [pumps fist] Yeeeaahhhh!
Nathan: Hey, no offense. A lot of people say I'm mentally ill but obviously I'm not, because I'm over here, and you're over there... with the other crazies.
Nathan: Yeah so my mum opens the door and she's like 'Ahhhhh' & I'm like 'I'm Immortal!' & then fanted, face plants on the radiator. There's blood and teeth everywhere.
Kelly: Is she alright?
Nathan: Yeah, she's fine. Apart from the whole... face.
Alisha: Er, if I was gonna suck someones cock, trust me, it wouldn't be his.
Simon Bellamy: You expect me to tell you anything after how you've treated me? After all the names you've called me?
Nathan: What names?
Simon Bellamy: Weird kid. Panty sniffer. Virgin. Freak. Twat. Pervert. Paedophile... Melon fucker! I just want to be your friend.
Nathan: Sure, man.
Curtis Donovan: [Nathan wakes up out of the coffin] What the fuck?
Nathan: You should see the looks on your faces. Classic! Hey guess what? I'm immortal! Can you believe this shit? I've told you I had a power. Oh, looks like they saved the best for last, huh? Immortality... that's off the A-list.
Nathan: Uuuugh. I don't know what is going on with my guts. It's all hot-cross buns and Easter eggs when Jesus gets resurrected.
Nathan Young: So basically... he's had a blowjob off your girlfriend, and you haven't...
Curtis Donovan: Shut up man, it wasn't her...
Nathan Young: It looked like her...
Curtis Donovan: It wasn't her...
Nathan Young: It had her mouth...
Curtis Donovan: Wasn't her brain...
Nathan Young: Who cares about her brain when your balls are resting on her chin!
Curtis Donovan: [holding bat to Nathan's face] Say another word. I dare you. Do it!
Nathan Young: [guffaws] I didn't do anything... be angry with him.
Simon Bellamy: [stuttering] ... I-I didn't know what was happening... she-she just... and then she... before I knew it, she was...
Nathan Young: Sucking your cock!