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Reviews & Ratings for
The Watermen More at IMDbPro »

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34 out of 41 people found the following review useful:

Garbage with Fake Reviews

Author: Claudio Carvalho from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
24 January 2012

I was misguided by the fake reviews in IMDb: see that all the good reviews belong to persons with only one review promoting this garbage.

The plot is ridiculous, absurd, unrealistic and absolutely unbelievable. A crew of watermen abducts persons in boats to grind their flesh and make bait for fishes and crabs. Six youngsters have their motor yacht sabotaged and they are stranded in the sea. The crew of a trawler rescues them and they drink spiked water and faint. When they wake up, they learn that they are trapped in an island and they have to fight against the sadistic men to survive.

A yacht that does not have batteries to support GPS and other safety systems; a guy that sabotages the boat, steals the supplies, water and flares in a couple of minutes; the watermen are practically indestructible; Mike insists in returning many times, inclusive when he is escaping in a small boat and Bret is wounded and he wants to return to seek medical supply. A question: what happened with the boat and Captain Ray? In the end, what else could I expect from a movie where Jason Mewes is the lead actor? My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Maré de Sangue" ("Tide of Blood")

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24 out of 29 people found the following review useful:

Don't watch it...Simple.

Author: MysticFalls007 from Pakistan
22 January 2012

I have a chance last Saturday to watch it and man i regret it big time..being slasher freak i like these kind of movies even if they have low ratings but this was something beyond bearable...The thing which annoys you most is the main leads acting.They uttering dialogs without even a little bit of expression and soon you will realize that you are watching a teen comedy rather then a horror movie.I think the makers of this after watching turisates,ferryman and storm warning,mix them and end result is this film.If you want to spoil your Saturday night then this is a treat for you and if you don't then stay away form this.One word..HORRIBLE.

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19 out of 22 people found the following review useful:

Bad plot, bad acting, a complete waste of time!

Author: nightbreed123 from United Kingdom
27 January 2012

Having seen the trailer for this film, I thought it looked quite promising, I was pulled in by the fact that Jason Mewes was in it and am a fan of the Jay and Silent Bob films. What a disappointment throughout, hammy acting and a poorly thought out story line make for a long drawn out waste of an hour and a half. Jason Mewes tries his best to revive the Jay character that he is famous for, but fails dismally. It is almost embarrassing to watch as he does it. I wouldn't even recommend this film as a last resort, pure drivel! The only thing I found mildly enjoying was finding the story flaws, of which there are many.

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19 out of 26 people found the following review useful:

Pretty bad

Author: diggus doggus from United Kingdom
20 January 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Watermen is an uninteresting, uninspired slasher with barebones budget, below par acting and boring direction;

A group of young guys'n'dolls are out and about in a boat, they get a breakdown, and the boat who rescues them is full of cannibals out of a poor copy of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The Watermen lines up - quality wise - with the better "film school" efforts, and for truly dedicated horror fans, there is some interesting material, but for the general (yet still horror-friendly) public there will be little of interest; instead, watch Triangle(2009), or the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre(1974), or any other generic horror, you'll do better.

final vote: 5/10 (not "so bad that it hurts your brain")

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17 out of 23 people found the following review useful:

Hopeless slasher

Author: nephilistpost from Ireland
23 January 2012

If you're going to make a low budget slasher (as this is supposed to be) then it has to have an adequate amount of nudity and gore and this had neither. The nudity was nothing more than a few brief topless scenes and the gore was very mild. There is no point complaining about the acting as you don't expect much from a low budget 'horror' but this also was very wooden from beginning to end.

I can't think of a single redeeming feature that would make the movie worthwhile watching. All they really had to do was to make the violence more extreme, shorten the filler scenes by half and possibly throw in some good titillation and it could have been watched on fast forward.

Avoid the movie unless you're very easily shocked or have been watching grass grow for the past ten years.

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9 out of 10 people found the following review useful:

so awful its not even funny.....

Author: bikey1277 from Slovenia
4 February 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

You've probably realized by now that the excellent viewer reviews are fake. Its just advertising. Movie trailers with words. Something like that. Don't buy into it. The movie is awful. Apparently this is Matt Lockhard's first venture into movie making. Honestly, Matt, if it were up to me this would your last one as well.

The Watermen is supposed to be a low budget, lots of blood and guts slasher movie. There is no need for brilliant acting and a potentially Oscar-winning screenplay. Just keep it simple. SIMPLE, not retarded. The setup: 3 guys and 3 girls go on a fishing trip, their boat breaks down and they get stranded in the middle of the ocean only to be rescued by some fishermen who intend to cut them up and use their meat as fish and crab bait. Apparently the fish and crab just love human flesh. Like I wrote, low budget slasher. No need for a realistic plot. Even with that crazy premise you still could have pulled it off. But you didn't. I'm writing this as a warning to other horror nuts like me. Its not worth it. I actually feel like I've been insulted. Mr.Lockhard seems to think that some gratuitous nudity and fake blood is going to satisfy an average horror fan. In short, he seems to think horror fans are dumb. The plot, acting, dialogue, characters are all big contributors to the overall awfulness of the movie, but the execution is the real issue here. The movie is only an hour and a half long but it seems like its longer than The Titanic. At least a third of it are long, drawn out shots of people running away, people chasing the runaways, girls showering, the guys watching the girls showering,....I was fast-forwarding a lot because I didn't want to watch a girl run by the same tree for the third or fourth time. And that was despite the fact that one of her breasts was out on full display and I'm basically your average horny straight guy. I don't really know what to write about the bad guys of the movie, you know, the sadistic fishermen. The phrase "worst of the worst" comes to mind. And yes, the worst part of this awful movie are the bad guys. All I can remember are those yellow plastic pants and boots that fishermen wear moving around on the screen and all the while someone was muttering insanities like "I'm gonna git you" with a heavy southern accent in the background. I couldn't understand/hear half the things that were being said but that was fine with me because the things I did hear made me shake my head in disbelief. Even Richard Riehle, a veteran among actors, was awful in his role. There is no excuse for making such a mess of a movie. Being a rookie director doesn't cut it. It should have been simple, instead its in full on retard mode. Skip it. Unless you want a headache.

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4 out of 5 people found the following review useful:

Misogyny at it's finest

Author: skorkk from Ireland
8 December 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Wow, this movie is really as bad as everyone says. In the laziest plot in the world a group of attractive young adults go on a boating trip and when the boat breaks down they get kidnapped by a bunch of redneck fishermen/pirates/whatever. Sound predictable so far? Well the cliché's don't stop there so you can probably guess what happens in the rest of the movie without me having to go into too much explanation.

The most horrific thing about this movie though is the blatant misogynistic tone throughout. I know the horror genre has always had a reputation for being slightly sexist, but this movie is just unbelievable. The male protagonists spend most of their time wandering around in circles before jumping in to save the day. All the while the females get attacked, tortured, molested and raped by the bad guys. Even when guarded with weapons the three women can't take on one man because all he has to do is walk towards them and they'll simply stand there and cry. This is despite the fact that they obviously have extremely high pain thresh holds because straight after getting raped they can just run around like normal.

As for the bad guys themselves, well you'll find scarier characters in an episode of Eastenders. We're supposed to believe that six young athletic adults would struggle to get away from these idiots when a herd of donkeys should be able to outsmart them with ease. The basically just look like a bunch of homeless guys in raincoats. Don't ask me where they're supposed to be from because I'm none the wiser after watching it. In some scenes they just use the stereotypical American hillbilly accent, in others they use god knows what accent and speak in broken English. Half the movie they don't seem to speak in English at all! The acting, although not great, is nowhere near as bad as you'd expect. I've seen a LOT worse in other horror movies that probably had a bigger budget than this. I was surprised to see Jason Mewes star in this. I know he's not exactly A list these days but didn't think his career had gotten this bad just yet. After seeing the whole movie though and realising what a small part he plays, it's obvious he must have been paid a significant amount to do very little and get a top billing.

Any good points? Well one of the actors has a smokin body and spends most of the third act with his shirt off. Apart from that....NOPE!

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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

Torture Porn and Brutalization of Women Is Empty Excuse For Sick Fantasy Garbage

Author: Diane Ruth from London
17 July 2015

A truly disgustingly sick film that exploits women and glorifies sadistic misogyny. Cheaply made and a purely amateur effort at film making, this is not a horror film at all. It is the definition of torture porn. Women are violated, abused, murdered, and mutilated in every conceivable manner (any manner that a disturbed mind can conceive of, that is). Watching female butchery and listening to the plaintive, horrific cries of agony coming from helpless victims is neither art or entertainment. What is depicted here is not only ugly and extreme, it seems almost criminal. This is all simulated, of course, but at what point does the joy film makers take in such simulation become simply depraved self-gratification? This movie goes over the line from horror movie to an exercise in maniacal brutalization of women in graphic detail for no other reason than...? There is no reason. And no justification or excuse possible for this motion picture excrement. This amounts to an act of sociopathic acting out by mentally ill individuals allowed access to all that's needed to produce a cheap movie with nothing redeeming in it whatsoever. There are institutions offering the kind of help such so-called film makers desperately need. They should seek it out immediately before inflicting more emotional damage on an unsuspecting public and society.

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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:


Author: kosmasp
14 June 2013

While it's always weird saying that you enjoy a movie with torture in it (it's only a movie I know), this one easily can be called a torture itself. There are almost no redeeming factors at all. Even if you are a Jason Mewes fan, you will wish he goes back to Kevin Smith (or vice versa) and they start making movies together again. Let's just say his output alone has not really got me excited.

But it would be unfair to put this all on his shoulders. He is trying, though even he can't help but burst out sentences that not only make no sense, but are completely insane. Some nudity and some good (not that many though) blood effects will not cover the mess up that this movie leaves behind. And I don't think the end will surprise. It shouldn't

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Fishing for ratings/stars as it only got 3 from me :(

Author: MrChunks from United Kingdom
24 September 2015

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A bit of a stinker, unfortunately I agree with the majority of the low ratings for this film. It's supposed to be your modern day slasher/horror film with pretty young people and mean bad guys who are stalking them at every turn. The theory is that watermen - or fishermen really - are taking groups of tourists for a bit of an adventure, unbeknown the tourists it's all a big trap to get them and make bait out of them to attract the big fish. A series of events occur culminating in the tourists being trapped on an island only to fight for their lives from the seamlessly indestructible fisherman.

I won't lie, I was drawn into watching this being a fan of Jason Mewes in other roles/films. Unfortunately the Jason Mewes in other films is exactly what appears in this films, it's practically like 'Jay and Silent Bob' had a disagreement and an angry 'Jay' has decided to work to go on a holiday to a horror film - that's how much acting variation you will see, none. The rest of the cast are equally hammy and woody in parts which made the film drag along slowly. Worse than the acting was the stupid story which was riddled with plot holes and mistakes. It's obviously filmed on a low budget but it takes itself too seriously and tries to be "The Hills have Eyes" or "Texas Chainsaw massacre" on water - at this it fails dramatically. Because the film takes itself too seriously despite a bad story there isn't even ironic amusement in this.

I'm afraid this is one of those films which I have watched once and will try to avoid henceforth, it's a "I'm glad I watched it so you don't have to" kind of film. Because I'm feeling generous I'll award a 3 star, if I had been writing this review straight after watching the film I may have been angry and only awarded a 2 so Matt L. Lockhart (director), you got off lucky today.

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