Reviews & Ratings for
The Watermen More at IMDbPro »

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24 out of 30 people found the following review useful:
Garbage with Fake Reviews, 24 January 2012

Author: Claudio Carvalho from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

I was misguided by the fake reviews in IMDb: see that all the good reviews belong to persons with only one review promoting this garbage.

The plot is ridiculous, absurd, unrealistic and absolutely unbelievable. A crew of watermen abducts persons in boats to grind their flesh and make bait for fishes and crabs. Six youngsters have their motor yacht sabotaged and they are stranded in the sea. The crew of a trawler rescues them and they drink spiked water and faint. When they wake up, they learn that they are trapped in an island and they have to fight against the sadistic men to survive.

A yacht that does not have batteries to support GPS and other safety systems; a guy that sabotages the boat, steals the supplies, water and flares in a couple of minutes; the watermen are practically indestructible; Mike insists in returning many times, inclusive when he is escaping in a small boat and Bret is wounded and he wants to return to seek medical supply. A question: what happened with the boat and Captain Ray? In the end, what else could I expect from a movie where Jason Mewes is the lead actor? My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Maré de Sangue" ("Tide of Blood")

19 out of 25 people found the following review useful:
Pretty bad, 20 January 2012

Author: diggus doggus from United Kingdom

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Watermen is an uninteresting, uninspired slasher with barebones budget, below par acting and boring direction;

A group of young guys'n'dolls are out and about in a boat, they get a breakdown, and the boat who rescues them is full of cannibals out of a poor copy of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The Watermen lines up - quality wise - with the better "film school" efforts, and for truly dedicated horror fans, there is some interesting material, but for the general (yet still horror-friendly) public there will be little of interest; instead, watch Triangle(2009), or the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre(1974), or any other generic horror, you'll do better.

final vote: 5/10 (not "so bad that it hurts your brain")

17 out of 22 people found the following review useful:
Don't watch it...Simple., 22 January 2012

Author: Knights_FireFly from Pakistan

I have a chance last Saturday to watch it and man i regret it big time..being slasher freak i like these kind of movies even if they have low ratings but this was something beyond bearable...The thing which annoys you most is the main leads acting.They uttering dialogs without even a little bit of expression and soon you will realize that you are watching a teen comedy rather then a horror movie.I think the makers of this after watching turisates,ferryman and storm warning,mix them and end result is this film.If you want to spoil your Saturday night then this is a treat for you and if you don't then stay away form this.One word..HORRIBLE.

14 out of 18 people found the following review useful:
Hopeless slasher, 23 January 2012

Author: nephilistpost from Ireland

If you're going to make a low budget slasher (as this is supposed to be) then it has to have an adequate amount of nudity and gore and this had neither. The nudity was nothing more than a few brief topless scenes and the gore was very mild. There is no point complaining about the acting as you don't expect much from a low budget 'horror' but this also was very wooden from beginning to end.

I can't think of a single redeeming feature that would make the movie worthwhile watching. All they really had to do was to make the violence more extreme, shorten the filler scenes by half and possibly throw in some good titillation and it could have been watched on fast forward.

Avoid the movie unless you're very easily shocked or have been watching grass grow for the past ten years.

11 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
Bad plot, bad acting, a complete waste of time!, 27 January 2012

Author: nightbreed123 from United Kingdom

Having seen the trailer for this film, I thought it looked quite promising, I was pulled in by the fact that Jason Mewes was in it and am a fan of the Jay and Silent Bob films. What a disappointment throughout, hammy acting and a poorly thought out story line make for a long drawn out waste of an hour and a half. Jason Mewes tries his best to revive the Jay character that he is famous for, but fails dismally. It is almost embarrassing to watch as he does it. I wouldn't even recommend this film as a last resort, pure drivel! The only thing I found mildly enjoying was finding the story flaws, of which there are many.

5 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
so awful its not even funny....., 4 February 2012

Author: bikey1277 from Slovenia

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

You've probably realized by now that the excellent viewer reviews are fake. Its just advertising. Movie trailers with words. Something like that. Don't buy into it. The movie is awful. Apparently this is Matt Lockhard's first venture into movie making. Honestly, Matt, if it were up to me this would your last one as well.

The Watermen is supposed to be a low budget, lots of blood and guts slasher movie. There is no need for brilliant acting and a potentially Oscar-winning screenplay. Just keep it simple. SIMPLE, not retarded. The setup: 3 guys and 3 girls go on a fishing trip, their boat breaks down and they get stranded in the middle of the ocean only to be rescued by some fishermen who intend to cut them up and use their meat as fish and crab bait. Apparently the fish and crab just love human flesh. Like I wrote, low budget slasher. No need for a realistic plot. Even with that crazy premise you still could have pulled it off. But you didn't. I'm writing this as a warning to other horror nuts like me. Its not worth it. I actually feel like I've been insulted. Mr.Lockhard seems to think that some gratuitous nudity and fake blood is going to satisfy an average horror fan. In short, he seems to think horror fans are dumb. The plot, acting, dialogue, characters are all big contributors to the overall awfulness of the movie, but the execution is the real issue here. The movie is only an hour and a half long but it seems like its longer than The Titanic. At least a third of it are long, drawn out shots of people running away, people chasing the runaways, girls showering, the guys watching the girls showering,....I was fast-forwarding a lot because I didn't want to watch a girl run by the same tree for the third or fourth time. And that was despite the fact that one of her breasts was out on full display and I'm basically your average horny straight guy. I don't really know what to write about the bad guys of the movie, you know, the sadistic fishermen. The phrase "worst of the worst" comes to mind. And yes, the worst part of this awful movie are the bad guys. All I can remember are those yellow plastic pants and boots that fishermen wear moving around on the screen and all the while someone was muttering insanities like "I'm gonna git you" with a heavy southern accent in the background. I couldn't understand/hear half the things that were being said but that was fine with me because the things I did hear made me shake my head in disbelief. Even Richard Riehle, a veteran among actors, was awful in his role. There is no excuse for making such a mess of a movie. Being a rookie director doesn't cut it. It should have been simple, instead its in full on retard mode. Skip it. Unless you want a headache.

Texas chainsaw at sea, 16 March 2013

Author: big-bad-mama from United Kingdom

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

like another reviewer, I thought the film was something like GHOSTSHIP, due to the DVD cover, I was thinking along the lines of THE FOG, something supernatural. But no, this is a slasher film in the mode of Texas CHAINSAW MASSACRE. The band of beautiful young things embark on the obnoxious millionaire tylers yacht for a spot of sea fishing.

while fuelling up at the watermens bait shop, one of the misfit captain birdseyes is found coming out of the engine room, saying hes just checking things over for them... yeah right! They buy some dodgy looking bait, which we already know is flesh of former babes and dudes, and off they go with the blatantly treacherous captain, we know this because he speaks in reverential terms about the men of that island.

surprise surprise the boat blows a gasket and the water is all gone, when babe is in the shower. the trawler comes to the rescue and a small water barrel is hooked over, the grateful kids drink it and almost immediately keel over drugged.. We see nothing of the captain, and this is a lesson to all spoilt millionaires, learn to captain your boat you over privileged twerp.

As it happens the dislikable millionaire is the first to be butchered into crab bait (they like the pink flesh we are told later on in the film, by the unintelligible mumbling sou wester wearing morons whose accent could be deep south or new englandly) The babes have all been raped while drugged and interfered with, there might have even been a suggestion that a dude was raped too, a lot of the shots were out of focus, portraying the hazy drugged states.

These watermen were the foulest creatures, almost inhuman, and you wanted to see them suffer for the atrocities they'd committed. At one point, five of the six were free albeit bit groggy, but they kept making stupid decisions, and of course the agonizing scenes when one of them, a girl gets a good bash on one of them, but rather than make sure that monster stays down, runs away and so lets monster get up and chase her again...

When they did manage to kill one its almost by accident.. really infuriating, do they not realise the gravity of their situation? despite witnessing the gruesome deaths of their buddies... much of the time, they run around defenceless, despite their being an abundance of killer tools lying around... No this film annoyed me for that reason... heres a tip.. engage subtitles, because we didn't have a clue what the watermen were muttering.

Misogyny at it's finest, 8 December 2012

Author: skorkk from Ireland

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Wow, this movie is really as bad as everyone says. In the laziest plot in the world a group of attractive young adults go on a boating trip and when the boat breaks down they get kidnapped by a bunch of redneck fishermen/pirates/whatever. Sound predictable so far? Well the cliché's don't stop there so you can probably guess what happens in the rest of the movie without me having to go into too much explanation.

The most horrific thing about this movie though is the blatant misogynistic tone throughout. I know the horror genre has always had a reputation for being slightly sexist, but this movie is just unbelievable. The male protagonists spend most of their time wandering around in circles before jumping in to save the day. All the while the females get attacked, tortured, molested and raped by the bad guys. Even when guarded with weapons the three women can't take on one man because all he has to do is walk towards them and they'll simply stand there and cry. This is despite the fact that they obviously have extremely high pain thresh holds because straight after getting raped they can just run around like normal.

As for the bad guys themselves, well you'll find scarier characters in an episode of Eastenders. We're supposed to believe that six young athletic adults would struggle to get away from these idiots when a herd of donkeys should be able to outsmart them with ease. The basically just look like a bunch of homeless guys in raincoats. Don't ask me where they're supposed to be from because I'm none the wiser after watching it. In some scenes they just use the stereotypical American hillbilly accent, in others they use god knows what accent and speak in broken English. Half the movie they don't seem to speak in English at all! The acting, although not great, is nowhere near as bad as you'd expect. I've seen a LOT worse in other horror movies that probably had a bigger budget than this. I was surprised to see Jason Mewes star in this. I know he's not exactly A list these days but didn't think his career had gotten this bad just yet. After seeing the whole movie though and realising what a small part he plays, it's obvious he must have been paid a significant amount to do very little and get a top billing.

Any good points? Well one of the actors has a smokin body and spends most of the third act with his shirt off. Apart from that....NOPE!

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Oxygenmen, 20 May 2012
Author: BakuryuuTyranno from United Kingdom

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I don't understand exactly why this was entered into Frightfest, it seems pretty sub-par.

Anyways, some young adults, possibly on a fishing expedition, when suddenly their boat breaks down and they get attacked by...

Actually, that's probably why I couldn't enjoy the film much. Its quite generic disguised by superficial aspects - broken down boat rather than having a broken down car, villains who grind people into chum instead of the somewhat common villains selling their kills as snuff films, and actually, some elements are unchanged, like strange locals.

The teen characters meanwhile are quite generic with only minor traits differentiating them (one brother detests people who pollute the ocean, the other doesn't really care), and some weren't very capable when under attack, one even standing "helplessly", despite being armed.

2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Fine premise, clichéd delivery, 11 May 2012

Author: tdeladeriere from France

This thriller starts in medias res, as a girl is being hunter at night in the swamp by a couple of hulking goons in fishermen's attire. After she meets her fate, we are introduced to six fine pieces of trash Americana leisuring in a posh villa. The 3 girls look right out of a bikini-happy euro-dance music video and the 3 guys, who use "Dude" at the beginning of each sentence, probably hit the gym 3 times a day. This fine group of clueless bourgeoisie get ready for a fishing trip (duh ?) in the middle of the sea.

Before they embark, they stop by some kind of store run by an old fisherman that sells them "special" bait. Turns out the bait if made of human flesh, as the 6 airheads will soon discover.

To its credit, this movie is slickly directed and photographed. Nocturnal swamp scenes could have easily turned into one giant black screen with dialogue in any other B-movie, but the director of photography knew what he was doing. It all looks quite professional.

It's all the more sorry that there's not a single novel idea in the movie that could save it from instant disposability. Clichés abound, and quite cringe-worthy ones, I'll tell you : one of the girls, who didn't know what she was getting into, is actually the lead's former girlfriend, of course they fall in love again, everybody gets drunk before the drama begins, the first ones to die are the hottest and dumbest but they still show their tits, the villains talk some kind of Russian, the main goon comes back from the dead so often that you feel like you're watching another "Friday the 13th" installment, the male lead drops his shirt for completely out-of-place action sequences, there's a baton-of-fire fight that looks more like capoeira than a real fight for survival, and I forget some.

This movie's been done before a hundred times (and the director must have seen all hundred) spanning the whole gamut of Hollywood genres : survival, action, romance, stoner comedy... Still, it's done professionally, and past the 1st 40 minutes, it moves fast enough that an undemanding audience will have its fun, as did I. And it doesn't hurt that the whole cast (male & female) is goddamn gorgeous and not shy of dropping their tops.

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