|Index||3 reviews in total|
I don't know who owns this house that director DeCoteau uses in all his
1313 installments, but should it ever go on the market, the realtor has
his work cut out for him. The huge California mansion has its exteriors
and interiors lavishly filmed in slo-mo for the 1st 20 minutes of the
movie (and most installments) as a guy in underwear invariably roams
the corridors and patio in a trance-like state for no reason at all.
20 minutes of a guy walking around in his underwear is a long time, even when you're gay, so I can't imagine a straight man inadvertently renting one of the 1313 movies looking for a cheap scare. There's none to be found, and "Haunted Frat" is no exception.
After the aforementioned 20 minutes intro, followed by a shower scene (chest & legs only, DeCoteau even forbids himself butt shots in his quest for R-rated gay entertainment) and a long swimming sequence, the titular ghost (and the only representative of the fair sex) is introduced, as it touches the body of the resting swimmer then teases another bespectacled fratboy (presumably a geek, though geeks are never that hot). The geek reveals to one of his frat buddies that this very modern mansion was once a sanitarium, in which case the redecorator did a hell of a job. This explains why the ghost of a former "Beverly Hills 90210" extra haunts the place, looking for bodies of twuds (that cross between twinks and studs you find in Bel-Ami) to graze with her immaterial hands.
At one point, two guys run, which is a nice change of pace for the apathic chiller which will also send you in a trance-like state, so make sure you also own white briefs to fit in the decorum.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Even for a David DeCoteau film, this thing is remarkably boring and repetitive. Frat boys wander around, shower, exercise, wrestle, always with their shirts off, usually in their underwear. It's a horror film (I suppose) without a a single scary moment, no violence, no tension. And here's the spoiler: you wait and wait for something to happen, and it never does. There's a premise, of sorts, but no story, no plot, no climax, and shockingly, no ending. At some point it is just over. So what do you get from watching this movie? 78 minutes of handsome half-naked young men. If that's all you're looking for, have at it. I have nothing against half-naked young men, but I do require a bit more than that. And could they not have found anyone with even rudimentary acting skills to be in this thing? Minus points for the boring canned musical score, which is used to try and create tension where none exists.
Since becoming a horror fan, I've always gotten a kick out of 'haunted
house' movies, which tend to deliver on the suspense, the mystery and
the chills while sparing the nasty gore and the 'torture porn'
vulgarity. At the same time, as a female viewer I've never been too
impressed by the haunted sorority house sub genre; yep, for some reason
I as a gal have never derived much benefit from seeing other women take
excessive showers and run through the woods in ridiculously high heels
before being hacked unceremoniously to pieces....
That's why I found the movie "1313: Haunted Frat" to be not only refreshing--but downright hot!
For once we get to see gorgeous young college MEN taking showers, swimming, working out and sun bathing as a strong female presence follows their every move, haunting their fraternity house (which was apparently built over the ruins of an old insane asylum) and taking control of their lives. Under the hand of veteran horror director David DeCoteau, "1313: Haunted Frat" delivers on the essentials of a great haunted house flick. You get the jump scares, the extended scenes of tension-building suspense and the humor--I was cracking up at the 'hot nerd' who kept walking around the house, trying--unsuccessfully--to get the other dudes to help him out with a written history of their frat; only to find that they would much rather take showers, work out and sleep off the effects of an eventful party the night before! You also get a number of pleasant surprises not typically associated with this genre, like a beautiful tropical setting, a beautifully decorated house, a powerful (and fully dressed, thank you) female villain...oh, and did I mention all the hot guys in their underwear?
For a tasteful and very sexy 'haunted house' movie that doesn't skimp on the suspense, I'd really recommend 1313: Haunted Frat. It's about time!
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