Previously in Miami ..
Snooki and JWoww wrote Sweetheart an anonymous note detailing Ronnie's many indiscretions at the club. Ronnie is FURIOUS. Sweetheart is heartbroken (again). The Situation frequently refers to himself as The Situation.
Now in Miami ...
Snookie and Angelina are soooooo bored. They sit on the back porch drinking and wearing giant sombreros. Snooki has a bit too much and bends over to spit out what appears to be tequila. The camera thankfully blurs out her suddenly exposed crotch. Later, Snooki heads inside because she wants to "cuddle" with one her (sleeping) male roommates. She eventually crawls into bed with Vinny -- and they begin making out.
The next morning, Snooki awakes and high tails it out of Vinny's bed. "I hooked up with Vinny," she says. "I don't feel awkward about it, but I don't know if he will." Vinny reasons that if Snooki is going to "throw it" at him, he's going "take it." He takes comfort in the fact that no one else in the house knows -- at least for the next few seconds. Snooki, of course, can't wait to dish to Sweetheart. Classy Snooki talks in great detail about the size of Vinny's manhood. "It's like putting, like, a watermelon into a pinhole," she says. We want to throw up, but Sweetheart laughs. "I don't think it's awkward," Snooki says.
Angelina, JWoww and Sweatheart then head to the beach to tan and discuss their anonymous note. The conversation is laced with expletives so it's difficult to discern exactly what is being said, but the gist is that Sweetheart is dumb for putting up with Ronnie's behavior. Back at the house, The Situation tells Sweetheart much the same thing. "He's 100-percent wrong," The Situation says of his "boy" Ronnie. "He's hooking up with whomever." Sweetheart, who had chosen to believe that Ronnie never cheated, begins to cry. "It's done," she says for the umpteenth time this season.
Later that evening, Snooki decides that she wants to tell Sweetheart the truth about the letter. Naturally, Snooki and JWoww send Angelina into the house to get Sweetheart. Naturally, Sweetheart refuses to go outside. Naturally, Sweetheart's refusal INFURIATES JWoww, who barges inside and begins screaming at Sweetheart. At some point, JWoww turns her ire on Ronnie. Naturally, The Situation just laughs. "Man up and say who wrote the letter!" Ronnie yells. Sweetheart bursts into tears. "We should have never given her that letter because she obviously doesn't appreciate it," Snooki sniffs.
Ronnie then pulls Sweetheart aside and tries to sweet talk her, but Sweetheart is too embarrassed to be swayed (for now). "Everybody here is shady," Sweetheart says. "You're shady." Ronnie decides to give Sweetheart her "space" for the time being. "Time will bring us back together," Ronnie tells the camera.
The next evening, the entire gang heads to the club. Angelina gets cozy with a boy named Jose. "We'll see what happens," she coos. The Situation, in the meantime, spots a (fake) blonde and gives her the "you're coming with me" look. Sure enough, the pair are soon making out in the taxi en route to house. Once they arrive, however, The Situation leaves his lady in the bedroom so that he can fix himself something to eat. "I'm not ready to perform right now," he explains. "I'm like a Ferrari. I'm high maintenance." After eating, The Situation goes into the bedroom for dessert. An indeterminate time later, he explains to his lady that he has graciously called her a cab. She is to get dressed and kindly leave in the middle of the night. "That's how you get them out," The Situation tells a giggling Ronnie. And, yes, it's exactly as disgusting and degrading as it all sounds.
Cut to morning. The ladies promised to make the boys dinner the previous Sunday and they're not about to go back on the pledge. Thus, the gals head to the market -- and Snooki promptly loses the shopping list of ingredients. "I have a feeling we're going to be ordering Chinese tonight," Vinny tells the camera. Back at the house, the girls start to prep the food -- except for Sweetheart. An angry JWoww calls Sweetheart a "prissy, little bitch." Yells Sweetheart: "Relax! I'm hanging out right now." Sweetheart continues to "hang out" while Snooki and JWoww slave over the stove and burners.
Dinner is eventually served and The Situation is the first to congratulate the ladies on a delicious meal. Sweetheart is the only one who isn't eating. She is apparently still pouting. "Everyone enjoyed the meal except for Debbie Downer," JWoww observes. The next day, Sweetheart and Angelina go to work. Due to the rain, work is slow -- and the ladies soon begin talking (uh oh). "Tell me what you know," Sweetheart says. "Come on, you're my friend." Angelina giggles -- and more or less tells Sweetheart that Snooki and JWoww wrote the note. This is bad on many levels. A storm is coming.
Back at the house, a familiar face arrives: The Situation's little sister! Vinny FLASHES BACK to the recent past when he hooked up with "The Little Situation." He is clearly nervous to see her again. The gang then heads to the club for more drinking and dancing. "I could see us sharing a bed together," Vinny says of The Little Situation. "She has nowhere to sleep and my bed is open." The Situation, meanwhile, spots another blonde -- and immediately begins to work his magic. There's only one problem: Pauly D. suspects that the lady is a MAN! "We think The Situation might have gotten himself into a situation with a tranny out here," Pauly D. tells the camera. Uh oh.
Cut to The Situation looking traumatized. He swears it is the "first time" he has ever been fooled. Angelina and Pauly D., in the meantime, are caught making out in the cab. She volunteers to sleep in his bed. Generous gal. Unfortunately (or fortunately), Pauly D. is so incredibly drunk that he immediately passes out upon returning to the house.
And, suddenly, the late-night situation becomes very drunkenly complicated.
JWoww tells her BF on the phone about Pauly D. which apparently irks Angelina, who tells Ronnie and Sweetheart that JWoww was talking BLEEP about Pauly D. Angelina's penchant for spreading false rumors -- or at least overreacting -- hits a nerve with Vinny, who runs to JWoww to report that Angelina is talking BLEEP about her. Got it? If not, don't worry. What matters is this: a furious JWoww barges into the living room and confronts Angelina. Sweetheart jumps in and defends Angelina. The yelling and gesturing escalates -- and Sweetheart brings up the note. She says she knows that the authors were JWoww and Snooki! More yelling and taunting. Suddenly, JWoww BASHES Sweetheart in the face. Catfight! Sweetheart takes a mighty swing. Does it connect? Tune in next week ...