George Burns: George Burns

Quotes 

• George Burns : [monologue]  Once I played with a magician, the Amazing Alberto. He had a beautiful wife. Now, he wouldn't go on the stage, unless his wife was sitting in the front row. I asked him when the superstition started. He said, "About eight years ago, when I caught her kissing the electrician backstage".

• George Burns : [monologue]  I've gotta get to Palm Springs. My writers are waiting for me. They've been down there for a week, and so far all they've written is my name on the bottom of all the restaurant checks. Those five guys need me - I'm the only one who can type.