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"Desperate Housewives" - "Pleasant Little Kingdom"- Dec. 5, 2010

A passel of secrets are unveiled in tonight's episode.

First up is Paul's secret "plan" for Wisteria Lane. After pressuring an elderly gentleman into selling his house, Paul has now acquired seven houses on the Lane and puts up a sign that immediately catches notice. It turns out he's planning on opening a halfway house to be set at his former house for newly sprung convicts from the state prison. This is of course met with consternation, outrage, and general NIMBY-related fear..... just as Paul hoped it would be. In the climactic showdown the gang calls a meeting at Lynette's house of the homeowner's association. It turns out that unless there's a majority of votes for the opposition of the halfway house, he can't build it. Of course, Paul then drops the bomb that he just needs one more house to buy to get that majority. He then tells the elderly Mitzi that everyone knows she's been laid off from work and he would offer well over market value for her house. He reminds Susan his offer for her house still stands. And then he tells Karen McCluskey that it would be a shame if her property values went down since her life savings is tied up in her house. And property values will go down with news of a halfway house on the street so in some ways it will be a race to see who sells to him first. Everyone starts to argue and Paul leaves contentedly... his plan to divde and destroy his former neighbors who turn their backs on him during his incarceration is nearly complete.

The next big secret is a happy one Lynette has been keeping. Apparently Tom is packing serious heat in the endowment department. This is discovered when Susan accidentally walks in on them "doing the deed". Tom overhears Susan crowing about his package and wondering why Lynette has never said anything. Lynette says it's private and says she doesn't care if people think he's got a "dinky one." Tom confronts her about this saying she takes every opportunity to emasculate him but won't talk up his assets. Lynette freaks and says it's because she's always being told how "lucky" she is because he's so thoughtful, nice, hard-working, and funny. She knows everybody thinks she's a bitch and no one ever tells him how lucky he is. He softens at this and says that he's lucky too. And they celebrate by enjoying his gifts.

When Susan once again walks in without knocking into someone's home she discovers Renee sobbing. She takes her out to dinner to cheer her up saying she knows birthdays are hard. Renee says she wasn't bemoaning her advancing age but realizing she let the love of her life get away 20 years ago. Susan reassures her that she too knew hard times with Mike but she kept believing and working hard and now they're happy and that perhaps that can happen for Renee too. Renee then proceeds to get rip-roaring drunk. So drunk that when Susan pours her onto her couch, Renee lets slip that the man who got away was Tom Scavo.

It's not a secret to the audience that Keith wants to propose to Bree but it was supposed to be a secret to her. Unfortunately, since Keith's father has been moping about Keith's apartment in the wake of his divorce proceedings Bree has taken to inviting him out with her and Keith. When they finally get a night alone Keith plans to pop the question-- stashing the ring in a shrimp appetizer-- but then his dad shows up, sad-faced saying he's just going to order take-out. Bree invites him to join and then gets the bright idea to invite her friend Tracy to join them as well. Bree saw Tracy at the bar, she's newly single, skinny, and happy about her divorce. The foursome sits down and Tracy proceeds to be an obnoxious boor and generally unpleasant to everyone. Keith pulls Bree aside to chastise her for inviting his father and Tracy to join just as the shrimp arrives and Tracy asks who ordered the "puny" engagement ring. Keith informs all three of them this is not how he wanted it to go and that they've all ruined his evening and storms out of the restaurant. Later when Bree tries to catch him at his apartment all she finds is his dad, who again, not very subtly tries to hit on her. He asks what Bree would've said if Keith's proposal had gone right and she says she doesn't know. She excuses herself from his creepy undertones.

Meanwhile, Carmen is obviously trying to keep her illegal status a secret but Gaby's no help. When Carmen tells Gaby that she's taking Grace to stay with relatives in Texas until her husband can sneak back over the border to join her again, Gaby freaks about her taking Grace away and offers to keep her. Carmen is offended and calls Gaby a bad mother (which is more than a little true). So Gaby asks Bob, hypothetically, if someone were to call immigration and report Carmen would Gaby be able to keep Grace since she's her biological daughter. Bob tells her the answer is yes but just because it's legal doesn't make it right. So of course Gaby does this. But when the immigration officials show up, Gaby has a change of heart and pretends to be Carmen and she spends a few hours in detainment so Carmen and Grace can slip away. When Carlos comes to bail Gaby out, he calls her brave for doing this. She says she hopes Carmen and Grace can now return "home," but Carlos points out that immigration will now be watching their house so the move to Texas is back on. The next day Gaby and Carlos tearfully see Grace and her mother off as they leave town, probally for good.


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