Alan Cowan: [to Penelope] I saw your friend Jane Fonda on TV the other day. Made me want to run out and buy a Ku Klux Klan poster.
Alan Cowan: Keep on stroking your own ego. It's beautiful.
Alan Cowan: Penelope, I believe in the god of carnage. The god whose rule's been unchallenged since time immemorial.
Nancy Cowan: [reaching for the scotch bottle] Let's get out of here, Alan. These people are monsters.
Alan Cowan: Stop it, Nancy.
Nancy Cowan: No, no, no. I want to drink some more. I- I wanna get drunk off my ass! This- this bitch throws my bag against the ceiling, nobody lifts a finger. I wanna be blind drunk.
Alan Cowan: You're drunk enough.
Nancy Cowan: How can you let her call our son a criminal? We come over here to work things out with them and they, they insult us, they browbeat us, they lecture us about being good citizens of the world! I am glad our son kicked the shit out of your son and I wipe my ass with your human rights!
Michael Longstreet: Wow! Get a couple of drinks in her and BAM!, her true self comes out.
Michael Longstreet: What happened to your sense of humor?
Penelope Longstreet: I don't have a sense of humor and I don't want one!
Nancy Cowan: At least our kid isn't a little wimpy-ass faggot!
Penelope Longstreet: Yours is a FUCKING SNITCH!
Alan Cowan: Morally you're supposed to overcome your impulses, but there are times you don't want to overcome them.
Penelope Longstreet: My husband has spent the entire afternoon DRYING THINGS!
Penelope Longstreet: [to Alan] Don't you tell me about Africa. I know all about suffering in Africa!
Nancy Cowan: I've got a John Wayne idea of manhood, too. What is it he had? A Colt .45. Something that empties a room. Any man that doesn't have those loner vibes just doesn't come off as having any substance.
Michael Longstreet: You're so wonderful. You're the best and the brightest!
Nancy Cowan: Here! Here's what I think of your stupid tulips! Your hideous flowers! This is the worst day of my life too.
Nancy Cowan: Look at him all hunched over like he was left on the side of the road.