Luke Cooper: My name is Luke Cooper. I love cinema. My favorite movies are "Citizen Kane" and "The Boondock Saints."
Michael Scott: [slapping his nephew on the butt] You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke!
Jim Halpert: Wow, that's a lot of keys.
Dwight Schrute: The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.
Jim Halpert: That's right. The janitor said that.
Creed Bratton: [explaining why he's following Luke on Twitter] Everywhere I look is Betty White this, Betty White that. Finally a kid who's not talking about Betty White. Of course I've followed him.
Andy Bernard: That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.
Michael Scott: He's not the worst. Okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. Remember? That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though.
[starts drinking coffee]
Michael Scott: Mmm! It's not cappuccino.
Oscar Martinez: He messed yours up, too.
Darryl Philbin: He's got to go, Mike.
Michael Scott: It's just coffee, guys. But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay?
Darryl Philbin: [on Michael's incorrect warning sign] Don't don't bother Luke! Got it.
Kevin Malone: [on Michael slapping Luke] That was awesome!
Michael Scott: Luke and I have been working side by side as master and commander. Me as master, he as commander. Occasionally, he'll need a little push. And I will do that, and he'll slow down, and then I'll push him again. That's the thing with kids. You have to keep pushing. You have to push them until they push you back, and then you push some more. It's all about give and take, but mostly it's about pushing each other.
Michael Scott: [about Luke's laser] Okay, can I have that?
Luke Cooper: No.
Michael Scott: Ok, I am going to count down from five.
Michael Scott: Five, four.
[Luke counts with him]
Michael Scott: I'm not kidding.
Luke Cooper: Three, two, one.
[Luke still mocking Michael with the counting]
Michael Scott: Give-okay. Alright, give it up.
Luke Cooper: No!
Michael Scott: [bending Luke over desk, spanking him repeatedly] You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke!
Luke Cooper: What the...
Michael Scott: That's what you're going to do, Luke!
Luke Cooper: What the hell was that?
Michael Scott: I had to do that.
Luke Cooper: Hey,
Luke Cooper: this! Screw it!
Michael Scott: All right. Are we good?
[Luke runs out crying]
Michael Scott: You're okay. He's okay. There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment.
Kevin Malone: That was awesome!
Stanley Hudson: Texas justice.
Kelly Kapoor: Yeah, your nephew is so lame.
Creed Bratton: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean.
Jim Halpert: You follow him on Twitter?
Gabe Lewis: Michael, you've just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private?
Michael Scott: Yes. Of course. What's this in reference to?
Jo Bennett: Lower yourself, Gabe, I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch.