- The cast sets up house in Miami, and Ronnie upsets Samantha by flirting with other girls in the club.
- Welcome back to another mind-altering season of "Jersey Shore" -- only in Miami! We open with FLASHBACKS to the insane clubbing and hair-styling from one year ago. "We killed in New Jersey," says The Situation. "It was a blast." But New Jersey is sooo COLD this time of year (read: whenever season two the filmed). Thus: "We're gonna head to the warm weather in South Beach -- bitch!" Ronnie helpfully explains.
So let's catch up with our favorite brawlers and tanning-bed frequenters. CUT to Pauly D who is driving through a rainstorm in dreary Rhode Island. He, too, can't wait to go south for the winter. "It's known for its beaches," Pauly D says of Miami. "I think the beaches are topless." CUT to Snooki, who is preparing meatballs for her new boyfriend, an "amazing guerilla juice head" named Emilio. How many meatballs does classy Snooki want? "I want two -- in my face," she tells her new beau. But will Snooki cheat? She admits that, yeah, if given enough Southern Comfort, she probably will.
We see Emilio spraying artificial tanning mist on Snooki, who explains that she doesn't go "tanning-tanning" anymore because Obama put a 10-percent tax on it. She then notes that Obama doesn't need to tan. "Obama doesn't have that problem, obviously," she tells the camera. Oh boy. We're off to a great start, aren't we? Meanwhile, Pauly D picks up The Situation and the two hit the road. "We could be brothas from another motha," The Situation says of his boy Pauly D. Snooki, in the meantime, picks up JWoww.
But what of Sweetheart and Ronnie? Well, they broke up. Ronnie's boys back home tease him about finding a new girlfriend while they all drink. Nice. CUT to Vinny, who eats dinner with his extended family. Vinny's uncle gives the young man some sage advice: "Don't get too much nookie from Snookie" (seriously, Vinny, don't do it). Pauly D and The Situation, meanwhile, talk about the possibility of Angelina coming to Miami. Turns out Pauly D hooked up with the gal in LA, but was onto another lady the next night. He laughs at the memory. Angelina, meanwhile, goes for a Brazilian wax. So she's ready to party.
Pauly D and The Situation stop in South Carolina to buy fireworks -- and light them off while waiting for Triple-A to get them out of the mud (their SUV got stuck, but decided to have the fireworks display anyway). "It's crazy," The Situation proudly observes. Snooki and JWoww, meanwhile, stop at a restaurant in Savannah, Georgia and try -- for the first time -- fried pickles. "It was crunchy, but juicy," Snooki says. "Eating fried pickles was a life-changing experience." Finally, our favorite guidos and guidettes begin to arrive in sunny Miami. The Situation and Pauly D are the first to check out the McMansion-type pad -- and quickly claim their beds. Moments later, Angelina arrives -- and The Situation and Pauly D are SHOCKED to see her. Naturally, she immediately decides to sleep in their room.
Pauly D isn't thrilled, but he admits that there might be an upside to having a former lover in close proximity. "Maybe it will be a slow night, it's raining out, we got no chicks ..." Pauly D says. You get the idea. Unfortunately, so does Angelina -- and she's perfectly fine with being used. "If I hook up with one of youz one night, who gives a #&@*," she says. Sweetheart is the next to arrive. Considering she has broken up with Ronnie, The Situation considers the possibility of getting more than friendly with the guidette. Sweetheart, though, is far too upset to see Angelina to consider her sexual options with Abs McGee just yet.
Later, Vinny arrives, announcing "Daddy's home!" Ronnie is the next enter the house -- and Sweetheart immediately becomes nervous. "I feel like I still love him," Sweetheart says. "I'll just have to deal with it." Ronnie sees his ex and the two hug. Comments Pauly D: "I'm curious to see what happens when Ronnie hits the club." So are we, Pauly D; so are we. Later that evening, Snooki and JWoww arrive -- and neither is pleased to see Angelina. Snooki, in fact, completely ignores her. "I don't care that they're being immature," Angelina says. Yet it's clear that she really does care -- quite a bit, actually. "If I hear them talking one thing about me, that's when I'm gonna &^%# blow up," Angelina tells The Situation.
Later, JWoww is hanging up her clothes when the shelf collapses, spilling unnamed liquids all over Sweetheart's clothes. While the girls clean up, Sweetheart admits that living in such close proximity to her ex boyfriend is "awkward." Angelina, meanwhile, is wasting no time getting friendly with the boys. The bikini-clad lady jumps into the hot tub next to Ronnie -- a situation (as opposed to The Situation) that doesn't sit well with Sweetheart. "I would legit beat the living ^%$# out of Angelina and Ron, at the same time, if Ron and Angelina ever hooked up," Sweetheart promises. Montage time! The roommates get ready for their first night on the town. "I'm going to bring a little Jersey down to M-I-A, which is Miami," The Situation explains.
Untold hours later, the ladies jump into a cab -- and immediately being arguing. It's basically everyone vs. Angelia. "I'm trying to come back here with a fresh start," she tells the camera. "I'm trying to be classy right now." If by classy she means taking part in a cursing/screaming argument in front of a camera, then mission accomplished. Honestly, it's difficult to tell what the ladies are arguing about, but it's definitely related to men. Club time! After a round of frozen margaritas, an obviously drunken Ronnie begins to dance -- and fight with Sweetheart. "You will not win this battle -- just so you know," says a terrifically wasted Ronnie. He then calls Sweetheart the C-word, which makes even Vinny raise an eyebrow.
Later, Ronnie continues to drink at a different club -- and soon begins rubbing against any woman who will put up with it. "I love single Ronnie," Pauly D declares. Back at the house, Snooki plays counselor to Sweetheart, telling her heartbroken friend that Ronnie wouldn't act so crazy if he didn't really care about her. Meanwhile, Ronnie is making out with a blonde in the club. Later, he makes out with a blonde and a brunette -- AT THE SAME TIME. Hmm. It's not looking good for our Sweetheart. Next week: even more cultural enlightenment.
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