Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [Reading McGee's report] "Retinal scanner uses wave-front sensing reflection points. "
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: "Correlates the data using 8 point spread function."
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Yeah.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: "Rasterizes the pupil. Conjugate geometry."
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Was I too technical?
[Gibbs drops the report in the trash]
Dr. Donald Mallard: I suppose it is possible that Anthony's relation to him is uh, merely coincidental.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: You wanna bet, Duck?
Dr. Donald Mallard: Nothing I care to lose.
Anthony DiNozzo: [as DiNozzo is chasing a suspect] Freeze dirtbag! You can't out run me. I'm wearing tube socks!
[DiNozzo tackles the suspect, revealing it's Gibbs. Gibbs struggles, and DiNozzo pulls out his weapon]
Anthony DiNozzo: I said freeze, dirtbag!
Detective Danny Price: Or read our dispatch. We had a BOLO out on Joey for two days.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, I know.
Anthony DiNozzo: You knew?... Well then, what the hell were you doing running around risking -?
[Tony laughs in realization]
Anthony DiNozzo: Really? You wanted to get arrested. We didn't screw anything up for him. You're a new face on the street. What's the best way to earn instant bona fides than uh - getting pinched?
Anthony DiNozzo: A Navy guy. I don't like getting played. Having said that, well played. Very Donnie Brasco, actually.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm more worried about Abby's theory that the Port-to-Port killer's targeting our friends. Can't protect them all.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: We protect them by catching the killer - same as you did before.
Anthony DiNozzo: How'd we end up doing a Navy cop's job for him?
Detective Danny Price: Cause he's smarter than us.
Anthony DiNozzo: Mmm. More devious - maybe. I don't know about smarter.
Detective Danny Price: I kind of liked him actually.
Anthony DiNozzo: Who'd want to be a Navy cop? I'd rather have the plague.
Abby Sciuto: How on Earth did you -?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Rule #35.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Taking a suspect into custody] You have the right to remain silent or I can shut you up myself!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Take it easy, DiNozzo.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You also have the right to an attorney so he can tell you how you weren't hugged enough as a child.
Anthony DiNozzo: [as he's chasing a suspect] I have a degree in Physical Education! I played varsity basketball at Ohio State! This isn't going to end well for you! Your money-laundering days...
[DiNozzo runs into the street and into a moving car. He gets up quickly continues the pursuit]
Anthony DiNozzo: -Are over!
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Can you imagine having to arrest Gibbs?
Ziva David: Heh. I would rather arrest my father. And I still might have to one day for that matter.
Anthony DiNozzo: I don't know what I'm going to do. Maybe being a cop isn't for me.
[Gibbs slaps the back of DiNozzo's head]
Anthony DiNozzo: Huh? Did you just physically assault me?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I don't have a lot of rules. But rule #5 is you don't waste good. You're good.
Anthony DiNozzo: Thanks don't make a habit of that.
[DiNozzo realizes they're by Human Resources]
Anthony DiNozzo: Did I mention you're a devious man, Gibbs?
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Boy, I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals.
Anthony DiNozzo: Butch Cassidy. That's nice.
Anthony DiNozzo: Everybody. I just want you to know that I'm a little disappointed. PCP addicts are Friday nights. It's Saturday night - which is Hooker night. Where are the hookers?
Sapphire: [Entering] Hey Tony.
Anthony DiNozzo: I mean the Call Girls. Hey Sapphire.
Abby Sciuto: What if the killer's trying to tell us he's gonna come after our friends? I mean Tony knew the victim.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Not just Tony. I knew him too.
Detective Danny Price: Hey man, asking your High School Music teacher out qualifies as brave in my book.
Anthony DiNozzo: Wendy asked me out, remember?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Look, I'm just saying that I think Tony is more upset than he's letting on.
Ziva David: Yes, but he and his partner have not spoken in years.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Okay, let's say you and I haven't spoken in years. And I get my throat by a serial killer.
Ziva David: I would hunt him down and make him regret the day he was born! You're not just another partner, McGee.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Neither is Tony.
Ziva David: [after interviewing a witness] That was a waste! He had nothing to add to his statement about the robbery at the bakery. And I'm not going back in there unless it is absolutely fumigated!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Twice.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Pacci, you get that other thing for me?
NCIS Agent Chris Pacci: Yeah. Detective DiNozzo's personnel file right here.
[Pacci puts the file on Gibbs's desk]
NCIS Agent Chris Pacci: You need anything else? Because I gotta head to the Infirmary. My ulcer's killing me again. I'm telling you, this stomach is going to be the death of me.