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What does the insect community make of ITV's celebrity freak show? | Stewart Lee

26 November 2012 2:50 AM, PST | The Guardian - TV News | See recent The Guardian - TV News news »

The ants and cockroaches in Stewart Lee's cellar are less than impressed with I'm a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!

Periodically, I am changed into a monstrous verminous bug. My wife recognises the signs, locks me in the cellar and slides saucers of milk and slivers of lard under the door to sustain me. We do not know why this transformation occurs. We suspect it may relate to some form of deep-seated shame or self-loathing, perhaps rooted in a childhood experience, or brought on by watching too many ITV celebrity reality shows, which we know are wrong, and yet are drawn to despite knowing better. But the vile metamorphoses are soon over. I become an insect for little more than a month at most each time, so we continue with our lives as normal, my poor wife making increasingly feeble excuses as to why she must attend all the cheese evenings, »

- Stewart Lee

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