- Eddie R. Lawson: [to the maitre'd] But, you know what, my last name is "Reserved."
- Hank Lawson: [seeing his father across the room] Would you excuse me a second?
- Maitre'd: [to Eddie] I don't know how I can make it clearer. That table is reserved for someone else.
- Eddie R. Lawson: Yes, and let me make this very clear: I don't get that table, I'm talking to your manager.
- Hank Lawson: Uhh... is everything okay over here?
- Eddie R. Lawson: Yeah. Hi, Hank.
- Hank Lawson: Hi.
- Eddie R. Lawson: I heard you were having lunch over here, and I thought maybe I would join you for coffee. I was asking for an extra chair.
- Ms. Newberg: Your father is a wonderful man, but we're just dating... though he is hard to resist. Did you know he's bringing sexy back?
- Hank Lawson: I wasn't aware it had left.
- [Hank reveals he snapped at Boris]
- Evan R. Lawson: All right, so, he's our golden goose, okay? You can't snap at the goose. You gotta be nice to the goose. You gotta pet the goose. Just pet...
- Hank Lawson: Ev, stop saying "pet!"
- Evan R. Lawson: And you can't piss off the goose, 'cause the goose could get mad. Do you know how easy it is for him to kick us out of the lake? Or the swamp? Wherever geese live.
- Evan R. Lawson: Hank, please, you need to run interference with Faith, okay? She keeps conveniently forgetting things to get what she wants, which happens to be me.
- [see's Faith]
- Evan R. Lawson: Hey!
- Faith Green: Oh, hi.
- Hank Lawson: Hi, Faith.
- Evan R. Lawson: Yeah, she's crazier than Glenn Close on Easter. Okay, I'm s... Talk to her and see for yourself.
- Hank Lawson: Okay, are you, um, are you familiar with the Hubble Telescope?
- Evan R. Lawson: Yeah.
- Hank Lawson: It's the most powerful telescope in the world, right? I mean, it can actually see into distant galaxies.
- Evan R. Lawson: Yeah.
- Hank Lawson: If I were using that telescope right now, I still wouldn't be able to discover how little I care about your problem.
- [a big knock at the door]
- Evan R. Lawson: Oh, my god, that's him. That's crazy. He's at my house. Okay, try not to gush.
- Divya Katdare: Uh, I don't think I will.
- Evan R. Lawson: I was talking to myself.
- Hank Lawson: Weren't you supposed to GENTLY place me in the trash can?
- Donald Green: Hank, I can't feel my legs.
- Donald Green: [about to get his MRI at a horse stable] So, it's a horse MRI.
- Jill Casey: Sorry about this.
- Donald Green: Don't be, Jill. I've had to live with being big my entire life. As a kid I was growing so fast, for entertainment, my parents used to stand me in the middle of the room and just watch me grow.
- [Evan ignores his ringing cellphone]
- Eddie R. Lawson: Are you gonna finally answer that?
- Evan R. Lawson: No. I already know who it is. It's this girl. She's really cute, actually. She likes me, but she has a brother who's the size of Trump Tower and... I suspect he wants to kill me.
- Eddie R. Lawson: Well, you know that's the Lawson curse.
- Evan R. Lawson: Oh, yeah?
- Eddie R. Lawson: When you're wildly desirable to women, that's the cross you gotta bear.