- [after a thrash metal concert]
- Harper: I'd like to buy one of your CDs. The loudest, angriest, most soul-wrenching one you have.
- Grrrtarist: Oh, you want the Christmas album.
- [Alex and Stevie are telling Harper about the new rock band that will be playing and throwing chunks of guts into the crowd]
- Harper: Okay, I'll go. It may be the only chance I'll have to wear my meat-catching hat.
- Stevie Nichols: [to Alex] She has a meat-catching hat?
- Alex Russo: It's to go with her potato-skin sweater.
- Stevie Nichols: [about Harper acting out Shakespeare] Harper, don't take this the wrong way, but that was terrible.
- Harper: Oh. I took that the wrong way.
- Stevie Nichols: I mean, you don't even have the rest of your lunchtime Shakespeare players.
- Harper: Yeah, that's 'cause they quit after you beaned them with croutons yesterday.
- Alex Russo: [laughs] Oh, yeah. The only good thing Justin has done as student body president is add croutons to the salad bar. Oh, that, and the tiny tomatoes.
- Stevie Nichols: I like these. They're so tiny they make me feel like a giant dinosaur when I eat them.
- Justin Russo: I'm pulling the plug on this.
- Alex Russo: No, you're not.
- Justin Russo: Yes, I am! Because I'm the president.
- Alex Russo: Well, you might be president of this school, but I'm president of getting things I want, and I want this!
- Justin Russo: Not everything's always about you, Alex.
- Alex Russo: Yes, it is. I'm the one who got you to wear a suit and carry a cookbook around! It was a joke, and so are you!
- Stevie Nichols: Whoa, whoa, you guys! You guys! Alex, I thought this was just about getting bands.
- Alex Russo: No, forget that! Now it's about him always messing me up!