Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : So he blows up the laboratory with all the innocent scientists burning alive inside. You know, for kids!

• Nostalgia Critic : [appalled by just how hypocritical the film's morals really are]  SHUT UP! GODDAMN IT, SHUT UP! WE GET IT! VIOLENCE IS BAD, DON'T FIGHT, WE WILL NOT FIGHT! HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU HAVE TO HAMMER THIS SHIT IN? I MEAN, TALKING ABOUT IT DOESN'T MAKE US LESS VIOLENT, IT MAKES US MORE VIOLENT! I mean, am I the only one who finds it a little ironic that a franchise whose made its entire profit on nothing but fighting is suddenly telling us it's bad to be fighting? How fucking hypocritical is that? That's like O.J. Simpson going around telling everybody it's bad to kill people.

• Neesha : So Mewtwo was cloned from Mew.

  Nostalgia Critic : What is this? A Dr. Seuss book?

• [the Critic is more than a little annoyed to learn that the first Pokemon movie is literally called "Pokemon: The First Movie"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : That's like naming the first "Lord of the Rings" film: "Lord of the Rings: Don't Worry, We're Gonna Have a Shitload of Sequels".

• Nostalgia Critic : So the Pokemon stop fighting and have a good cry at the loss of their fallen hero. But wait a minute. Oh, they CAN'T be. I mean I knew this movie was bad but, nah, it's not possible, this movie can't possibly be that stupid. OH MY GOD, THEY ARE. They're using their tears of unfathomable sadness to bring their hero back to life. Suck my balls. I mean how much more cliched can you get? And on top of that, what kind of lesson is that to teach your kids? If you cry hard enough dead people will come back from the grave? BULLSHIT.

• Nostalgia Critic : While looking over all these Furbies beating the shit out of each other, Ash finally comes to a stunning realization. Fighting must be... bad!

• Nostalgia Critic : When will we learn?

• Nostalgia Critic : Pokemon is a romanized contraction of the Japanese word, which translates out to...

  [shows the text "Pokemon = Pocket Monster"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, you gotta be kidding me. It actually translates out to Pocket Monster? Why couldn't you just call Pocket Monster then? I know what a Pocket Monster is! It's a monster that fits in your pocket! Easy! Why would you keep Pokemon? That's ridiculous! Nobody knows what a Pokemon is! It sounds like something a Jamaican shouts out when he wants to play cards!

  Nostalgia Critic : [dressed as a Jamaican]  Hey, would you like to play some pokey, mon?

  [caption says "Apologies to Jamaicans everywhere"] 

• Nostalgia Critic : This movie is stupid. It's stupid because it's boring, it's boring because it's confusing, and it's confusing because it's stupid. Even the moral makes no fucking sense, so how am I supposed to trust the rest of it?

• Nostalgia Critic : There's these three kids who collect monsters that look like beanie babies, except they kill one another, and they're being chased by these two gay people or some shit like that.