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"The Cleveland Show" How Do You Solve a Problem Like Roberta? (TV Episode 2011) Poster

Quotes

Donna Tubbs: Cleveland, where's Roberta? We were supposed to do our song.

Cleveland Brown: Hang on. Let me check my GPS tracking device. Oh, yeah. She's at the corner of Who Cares Street and I Don't Give A Crap Memorial Boulevard South.

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Cleveland Brown Jr.: Donna, all kids eventually grow away from their parents. Except Junior, who has no need to rebel because I am to quote the T-shirt he gave me for my birthday, a "Rad Dad." Watch this. Junior, get in here.

Cleveland Brown Jr.: Coming.

[walks into the bathroom and begins to undress]

Cleveland Brown: No. This is a daddy bath.

Cleveland Brown Jr.: Aww.

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Cleveland Brown: Junior, is there anything you'd like to share? Perhaps something deeply intimate and personal.

Cleveland Brown Jr.: Well, there is this girl at school I like.

Cleveland Brown: Mmm hmm.

Cleveland Brown Jr.: And I rub my armpit on her locker.

Cleveland Brown: Okay.

Cleveland Brown Jr.: And as long as we're being honest, I should tell you that one time when I was wearing your underwear I had an accident and threw them out.

Cleveland Brown: Uh-huh.

Cleveland Brown Jr.: Oh, and I call an AM radio station every night and pretend to be a teacher at a local high school who dedicates Miley Cyrus songs to the sophomore girl he's having an affair with. I try to imagine what it feels like to be the girl...

Cleveland Brown: Ah-ah-ah, that's enough. For God's sake, that's enough.

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Cleveland Brown: You see, Donna, if you had parenting techniques as exemplary as mine, Roberta would be wearing your underwear which would hang comically and loosely off her slender frame.

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Cleveland Brown: Now, my final thought. Is it too late to do a Jerry Springer reference? Hasn't he been done to death? And why the hell was he ever famous to begin with? It's because of you people. You're all trash! We'll be right back.

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Donna Tubbs: Roberta, did you just destroy my ceramic comedy and tragedy masks?

Roberta Tubbs: You took away my cell phone so I took away something you love.

Donna Tubbs: Oh, I will drag you to hell.

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Donna Tubbs: Yo, Kendra!

Kendra Krinklesac: What?

Donna Tubbs: lf your fat ass can fit in my midsize SUV, I'll take you to the hot springs with me.

Kendra Krinklesac: I'll grease up and meet you outside.

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Cleveland Brown: Roberta, go to your room.

Roberta Tubbs: Fuck you.

[Cleveland cries]

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Cleveland Brown: My fat back! I'll sue you, Roberta.

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Donna Tubbs: [while on the phone with Cleveland] Hey, baby. They got hot tubs, cold tubs, medium tubs, lukewarm tubs and Donna Tubbs. Ha-ha-ha. When you coming over? I'm wasted.

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Cleveland Brown: [to Roberta's party guests] I'll sue you. And you. And you. And you in the blue. And you. You are all under suit! Yah!

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Federline Jones: I don't see them. Oh, blap me in the blap.

Raymond the Bear: They'll be on Coleman Boulevard. Just two blocks east of here. That's where he goes racing all the time or tiempo.

Cleveland Brown: Wait a minute. This entire time you had cookies and didn't offer to share them? And you knew where Roberta was?

Raymond the Bear: I know where everybody was.

Cleveland Brown: When?

Raymond the Bear: Because.

Cleveland Brown: I gotta buy a bag from that kid.

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Donna Tubbs: [while on the phone with Cleveland] Hey, babe, I just wanted to let you know we're on our way home.

Cleveland Brown: What? Why?

Donna Tubbs: Kendra pooped in the hot tub and they asked us to leave.

Kendra Krinklesac: [looks embarrassed] Don't tell people.

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Cleveland Brown: Federline, if we don't survive this, I never liked you. No one did.

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Raymond the Bear: I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat.

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Cop #1: [about Diego] Looks like an illegal immigrant. Better bring in the deportation catapult.

[to Diego]

Cop #1: Where are you from?

Diego: Oakland.

Cop #1: I heard Mexico.

[catapults Diego]

Cop #2: I thought Obama was gonna get rid of this.

Cop #1: Said he was. Didn't.

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Cleveland Brown: [to Rallo] What the hell are you doing?

Rallo Tubbs: You can see invisible people?

Cleveland Brown: You're not invisible.

Rallo Tubbs: Why have you been letting me run around naked?

Cleveland Brown: Because I don't care.

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Cleveland Brown: [to Donna] Would it make you feel any better to know that under my watch Roberta nearly lost her life in an underground street race with an Asian gang while the driver of her car was stinking drunk?

Donna Tubbs: She did?

Cleveland Brown: Affirmative. Donna, parenting a teenage boy is easy. The worst thing that can happen is he messes up some teenage girl's life. Parenting a teenage girl is impossible. We should cut our losses and put our energy into Junior.

Cleveland Brown Jr.: [walks in the living room naked] Rallo made me invisible.

Cleveland Brown: How did Junior get a C-section scar?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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