Community (TV Series)
Cooperative Calligraphy (2010)
Yvette Nicole Brown: Shirley Bennett
Photos
Quotes
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Shirley Bennett : Uh, Jeff, you don't have a bag?
Jeff Winger : Oh, I could never deprive the world of a portion of my chest the strap would cover.
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Britta Perry : Let's rustle through your tampons and wallet so we can apologize to you.
Shirley Bennett : I'm sure everybody here knows I don't steal.
Annie Edison : Have you checked your bag, Shirley? If you took it by mistake, I forgive you.
Britta Perry : If I took it, it's larceny. If you find it under mother hen, it's a mistake.
Shirley Bennett : Mother hen? We're about the same age.
Britta Perry : Sure, unless time is linear.
Shirley Bennett : I'll make your ass linear!
Britta Perry : That doesn't make any sense.
Shirley Bennett : I'll make your ass sense.
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Abed Nadir : You're last up, Shirley. Dump your comedically huge bag and end this.
Shirley Bennett : Uh. No, thank you.
Annie Edison : Well, well, well, Harvey Keitel.
Troy Barnes : Well, what do you know, Henry David Thoreau?
Britta Perry : My oh my, Mike Ty... son. Just empty the bag.
Shirley Bennett : No, I don't have Annie's pen. I'm simply a Christian woman who doesn't open her bag.
[a minute later, she tries to leave. Pierce blocks her]
Pierce Hawthorne : Nice try, Stephen Fry.
Britta Perry : [frustrated] Stephen Fry!
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Britta Perry : [while reading Abed's notebook] Oh my God, are you charting our menstrual cycles?
Annie Edison : What? Gross!
Shirley Bennett : Abed, this is so personal... and so accurate.
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Annie Edison : I don't suppose you'd mind letting us take a quick look-see in your bag?
Britta Perry : Oh, I'd very much mind, Annie. There's no such thing as a quick invasion of civil liberties.
[all groan]
Pierce Hawthorne : Oh, man.
Britta Perry : In, it all starts with a quick look-see into someone's bag. And then it's a brisk peeka-roony at our phone records. And before you can say 1984, the Thought Police are forcy-worcing you to bend and spread.
Jeff Winger : Bend and spread? Are the Thought Police gonna make love to us?
Troy Barnes : Do they find thoughts in our butts? I knew I should've read that book.
Annie Edison : Stop using the Constitution as a baby blanket. Last week, she invoked the Freedom of Information Act to request photocopies of my notes.
[all chuckle]
Jeff Winger : Heh, heh. That's pretty good.
Britta Perry : Well, excuse me for living free.
Pierce Hawthorne : Come on, Stoney, we all know the pen's in your bag.
Annie Edison , Pierce Hawthorne , Jeff Winger , Shirley Bennett : Yeah, come on. Yeah, come on, just drop it.
[Britta dumps her purse on the group study table]
Britta Perry : [angrily] Happy?
Jeff Winger : Not if that's a used Q-tip.
Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Shirley Bennett : Ew!
Pierce Hawthorne : Gross.
Britta Perry : Yes, gross. Welcome to the gross business of martial law. Welcome to what used to be individuality, seized and disintegrated by cowardly groupthink.
[Britta points accusingly at group members]
Britta Perry : Welcome, my friends, welcome to the machine.