Reviews & Ratings for
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284 out of 428 people found the following review useful:

Ted (2012) review

Author: manbearpig2 from United States
30 March 2012

I just want to state off hand that this is my first movie review, well other than just telling someone what I thought. So if you are looking for a well written, witty review then.. you might want to stop reading now. But since this movie is still in production, this will probably be your best bet for the time being.

I just went to a free screening of Ted at the Greenback theater in Sacramento, CA. And I just have to say off the bat, I LOVED it. A movie hasn't made me laugh that hard in a long time. Now, I'm not going to give you any more information than the description because with the movie not even being released yet, I think that would be a spoiler of some sort. But I will tell you that was so much better than what I imagined it would be, granted that was before I knew it was directed and voiced over by Seth Macfarlane. So if you're a fan of his, you're definitely in for a treat, and even if you're not I still think you would enjoy the innovative comedy that comes from a snarky and crude teddy bear companion. The acting was very solid, from main characters to jerk bosses, and crazy.. well, crazy people.. the acting was very convincing and enjoyable. The story was great, while it might sound stupid to some, myself included, it's very well executed. Definitely not one of the movies that left me thinking "the idea was good, but they could have done so much more with it", it was actually quite the opposite. And this is certainly not a low budget film, the CGI animation reflects this. The furry bear voiced by Macfarlane is very realistic and believable.

The only drawback I could possibly see that would cause someone displeasure would be, like a lot of new comedies, this film pushes the envelope in raunchy, vulgar humor. Plus the different amount of drugs used. This movie will receive (most likely), and be very deserving of a R rating. It doesn't rely solely on shock humor though, there is plenty of good old fashioned clean comedy. But if your like me, and that type of subject matter doesn't bother you, then I HIGHLY recommend this film. And if you're a Seth Macfarlane fan, then that's just a perfectly gift wrapped little bonus for you.

193 out of 327 people found the following review useful:

Gawd Awful!!!

Author: jaxbubba from THE FARIS REEL on Facebook
11 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I just do not get it!!! This movie is just plain awful, and yet it is breaking box office records for "R-rated" comedies. With a running time of 98 mins, I could only manage to sit through the first 40 minutes before turning off this unfunny, quite boring, and quite disappointing film.

The premise of this film is quite simple. At the age of eight (8) years old and with no real friends of his own, little John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) makes a Christmas wish for his teddy bear to come to life. Ted and John become life long friends ("thunder buddies"); however, after twenty-seven (27) years of friendship, John must decide on either staying with his girlfriend of four (4) years Lori (Mila Kunis) or Ted.

Ted is the brainchild of Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy / American Dad) and he voices Ted as well. Ted has no redeeming qualities, and is combination of the two characters Quagmire and Brian from the Family Guy TV series. He's a pot-smoking, hooker dating, grocery clerk humping, foul mouth Neanderthal, who Lori (Kunis) feels is preventing her and John from having the adult relationship that she so desires to have.

In the 40 minutes that I managed to sit through, I never laughed, smirked, grinned or even hinted to a gesture of happiness to any of the "so-called" comedy being presented on screen… because there wasn't any there!!!! Unless you consider a foul-mouth, pot smoking teddy bear as being funny, which I did not. However, the scene in which I could take no more, is when Ted, while working as a clerk out clerk in a local grocery store gets caught "bopping" another check out clerk in the store room, and explains to his boss that, "Last week he screwed her with a parsnip and sold the parsnip to a family of four" … so his boss promoted him. IS THAT FUNNY?????? REALLY??? God, I feel like my dad now, I must be getting old!!!! Anyways, the film is making money hand over fist, and has already crossed the $100 million, and expected to cross the $200 million mark by summer's end. I JUST DO NOT GET IT!!!!!! I cannot recommend this film, I cannot even finish watching this film. It's being marketed as this year's "The Hangover", and I can assure you it is nowhere as funny as the "The Hangover"…. I would say avoid at all costs… but who am I???? SEE MORE OF MY REVIEWS ON FB @ "THE FARIS REEL"

135 out of 217 people found the following review useful:

A party of a film... not for the easily offended

Author: JeffTheBadger from United Kingdom
3 July 2012

I really should start this with a warning: This film is not for everyone! If you are easily offended (by swearing, sexual references, casual racism and various stereotypes) then you should read no further and give this one a miss. However, if you are a fan of Seth MacFarlane's other projects (Family Guy, American Dad) and maybe you call yourself an "80's child" (so many pop culture references to this time) you are going to love this.

Sure some parts are a little disjointed, the story seems vaguely familiar and the "moral" of it kind of gets lost but quite frankly, it's just so darn funny none of that matters. The script is hilarious, the cameos are fantastic and the soundtrack is perfect.

Ted himself is well animated and Seth (apart from sounding a little like Peter Griffin) voices him with the usual competence. Mark Wahlberg delivers exactly what we have come to expect from him, and the rest of the cast seem to have had fun filming, which comes across in the various performances no matter how big or small. The acceptance and interaction of everyone with a living teddy-bear adds to the simple joy of this film, and you find yourself happy to watch and not question why nobody is fazed by this. TED is a laugh a minute, party of a film and I, for one, can't wait to see it again.

106 out of 162 people found the following review useful:

One of the most disappointing movie experiences I've ever sat through

Author: sharkfarts farts from United States
8 October 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I like Family Guy. So much, that I've always said that if I were stuck on a desert island, Seth MacFarlane is one of the people I'd want to be stuck there with me. I found this movie horrible, loathsome, and lazy, so much so that it actually made me question Family Guy. That's how bad I thought it was. It made me rethink my entire conception of humor.

I did not find this movie funny at all. The style of comedy it uses is similar to that of Adam Sandler, whom I loathe. There's a lot of yelling, a lot of cursing, and overall, a lot stuff that's supposed to be funny. There are no clever jokes, no sense of set-up and reward. Instead, it's "oh look, the man is dancing, that's hilarious!". Not. Or "haha, that guy just said the f-word'". Isn't that funny? Kill me. I did find exactly one scene funny- the one in which Ted and Mark Whalberg have a fist fight in a hotel room. That reminded me of Family Guy and I found the idea so absurd that it made me chuckle. But this moment of hilarity is quickly diffused by a "getting hit in the groin" joke. Now, I realize that Family Guy uses exactly this type of humor, but somehow I always found it funnier. Maybe that's the problem here- live action is a different medium and the same things that work in the campy universe of cartoons don't work with real people.

I realize that this is a comedy, but I do believe that even low brow comedy movies should have a basic story or plot. This was supposed to be a character driven movie. The idea is simple- Mark Whalberg is a man-child who must learn to take responsibility and grow up. The script screws up this idea completely and instead, Mark Whalberg makes absolutely no change as a person. Neither does Ted. I realize it's supposed to be adorable that a teddy bear smokes weed, but the novelty wore off in 2 minutes. That, and I found the accent horribly annoying.

I was excited to see the supporting cast list on wikipedia. Whalberg is great, but like I said, his character was very poorly written. Mila Kunis does nothing in the whole movie but play a horribly clichéd romantic comedy girlfriend who also has no character arc in the movie. Joel McHale is another cliché in the movie and the fact that he's in the movie is a waste of a talented comedic actor. Laura Vandervoort literally does nothing. I mean, I at least expected her to be the seductress who tries to veer Mark Whalberg off the path of righteousness, but even that doesn't happen. So why even have this supporting cast in the movie if no one's going to do anything?

The plot of this movie was equally weak. MacFarlane uses all of these clichéd rom-com scenes and does nothing with them. Here's a small example. This movie has 2 or 3 restaurant scenes. Now ask yourself- why exactly were these scenes in the movie? Usually, restaurants are used in comedy movies to employ some kind of restaurant related humor. Maybe there's a maladjusted person in an uncomfortable environment, or maybe someone has an allergy and they cause a scene. At least someone falling or something. But the first restaurant scene of this movie simply has Mark Whalberg and Mila Kunis sitting and talking. That could have just as easily happened in a living room. So why was the restaurant scene necessary? Why even do that? It's completely pointless.

The ending to this movie accomplishes nothing. Mark Whalberg is supposed to change as a person. The death of Ted should have signified something, and having him come back to life s**ts on the character arc completely and nullifies it. We have no reason to believe that Mark Whalberg will grow up or make any kind of difference in life.

This movie had way too much product placement. Horribly obvious product placement.

Here's what I think. I think Seth MacFarlane is a perfectly competent individual who chose to be lazy. He wrote a horrible script, packed it with TV stars we might recognize, and collected the money. It's not just that this movie had no redeemable qualities. I actually feel like my intelligence was insulted and that I was fooled out of my money. Please don't let movies like this turn off your brain. Think about what you're watching and why you're laughing and don't settle for crap like this.

114 out of 185 people found the following review useful:

Not for everyone

Author: super_mario_crivellaro
20 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I came into this movie expecting to be laughing almost the whole time, but I sat through the movie almost bored out of my mind! I was on the verge of getting up and leaving but that would of been rude. So instead I sat through the almost unbearable part of the movie where Ted and John (Mark Wahlberg)have a big fight (surprise surprise) and John's girlfriend dumps him (another surprise -_-) it's just a barrage of clichés to be honest. The humour of the film was well below mediocre. I didn't understand some the jokes because they were referencing a celebrity that I have never heard about. The other jokes are about drugs, swearing and getting drunk. The only time I managed a laugh was when Ted was pretending to be a retard . All in all If you're American you'd probably understand and enjoy this movie more than I did. If not, stay away!

87 out of 138 people found the following review useful:

Tedious and unfunny

Author: evening1 from New York City
19 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have occasionally laughed out loud while my sons, ages 15 and 9, watch Family Guy, so I don't hate Seth MacFarlane.

But I fantasized often during this tiresome film about leaving early and letting my giggling kids get home on their own. (They found it "awesome.")

"Ted" does have a few funny bits. It's not a bad idea to imagine a kid's teddy bear that ages along with him -- into the raunchiest version of a case of arrested development imaginable. The scenes with the supermarket manager are pretty entertaining, and I found Wahlberg's off-key serenade to Kunis amusing.

However, 98 percent of the time I was squirming unpleasantly. Jewish jokes? How terribly fresh and original. Fart gags? That's creative. Scenes of guys getting crazy-drunk, knocking things over, and trashing rooms? My sides were splitting. And it got better from there (i.e., poop on the floor).

The storyline involving Wahlberg and Kunis was strictly a retread. I tired of their petty spats and could not care less whether they stayed together or split. The father-and-son subplot seemed like something I'd seen before.

I know this movie wasn't geared toward 56-year-old moms. However, I did expect a script from the originator of Family Guy to be significantly more clever and fun.

I know many will disagree with me, but this movie reeked.

123 out of 216 people found the following review useful:

Dreadful.

Author: loumcp from Australia
10 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have a perverted sense of humor and do not mind Family Guy, so I'm not sure what I was expecting. But this nasty, pointless, unfunny drivel was a complete waste of my time and money. About the only thing achieved here is an effort to showcase Mila Kunis as completely gorgeous; on all other counts it is a fail - unless you like gratuitous eff words and references to bowel movements/flatulence/anal sex (oooohhh how shocking, and how boring)

*Spoiler Alert* See this and tell me if you can believe Mila Kunis wasting a perfectly good wish on having the world's most repulsive little furball come back to life.

Only for sophomoric morons with no schools to vandalize or cars to torch.

54 out of 85 people found the following review useful:

Watch only if you need to lose 2 hours of your life.

Author: velikidace from Zagreb, Croatia
5 August 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

First of all let me tell you that I rate movies on a scale from -10 to 10 with 5 being the average and negative numbers for differentiating the awfulness of certain movies that are terrible.

That said I give this movie a 0, even though I like Seth Macfarlane's work this was an absolute disaster.

We got a movie with 1 dimensional leading characters of Ted and John that didn't provide you with a single emotional reaction, while Mila Kunis character was at least somewhat comparable to a person although not at all complex. Supporting cast is the only part worth mentioning since Flash Gordon absolutely stole the show with the 4 minutes of air time he had, his lines were consistent and witty unlike anything main characters did.

Story in itself falls apart since it is not built on anything real, the movie is completely clownish for the first 1 hour without any character build up and then randomly inserts "emotional" parts which left me completely indifferent, it was awkward and out of place.

I could have said something nice about the atmosphere if the movie was consistent as it was for the first half but it started to take itself seriously which ruined the composure.

I wouldn't recommend any movie enthusiast to watch this terrible movie, and reading movie reviews on IMDb in general I'm sure at least 90% of them as well as votes are sponsored by companies, too bad for this once great site.

105 out of 191 people found the following review useful:

Fantastically funny!

Author: barry_mooney from United Kingdom
2 August 2012

I am stunned by the number of negative reviews on here. We went to see Ted last night (the UK release date) and it was fantastic. In fact, it was the funniest film I have seen for years! The humour throughout is both obvious AND subtle, with masses of trademark Seth MacFarlane jokes as well as some expansion to his comedy repertoire made possible by having a live action film instead of an animation.

Some people have commented on all the 80s references - that's the joke in itself - Seth always over-focuses on the 80s and he's poking fun at himself by doing it even more! He liked Star Wars, Indian Jones, Flash Gordon, Top Gun etc. So did I - which is partly what makes it all so cool! Fans of Seth's humour will love these little (and not so little) references as they have all been used extensively in Family Guy. You don't have to be 'over 35' to get the references, you just have to get that Seth is a big fan of the 80s and has great fun referencing stuff he likes. Some might call it self-indulgent but I thought it was very funny. Perhaps you have top be on a particular wavelength, I don't know.

To suggest that he's being racist is also to misunderstand Seth MacFarlane - he's actually ridiculing people with stereotypical ignorant racist attitudes. Once again, he has done this in Family Guy and been similarly misunderstood. It's OK to make fun of racism or even the public's lack of knowledge on subjects such as 9/11 - neither of these mean that you're racist or pro-terrorist!

In reference to the acting, Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis were very good (especially Mila). Ted was also superbly played (by Seth MacFarlane) and it was interesting to note how after a while you didn't even really think of him as a bear; he was just another character in the film. Lovely to hear Patrick Stewart's voice used again too. In addition, there was a generous use of Family Guy people, who were all great fun (especially the guy who does the voice of Joe Swanson) and looked like they were clearly enjoying the opportunity to be in Seth's film debut.

In summary, if you don't like Seth MacFarlane's humour, there's a good chance you will not enjoy this film. However, if you like Family Guy and you have the ability to look beyond the obvious, then you might well love Ted as much as I did. I thought it was brilliant and can't remember the last time I laughed so much at a cinema!

82 out of 147 people found the following review useful:

Crude, lewd and rude = perfect! NOT a kid's movie!

Author: lansingjim from United States
20 June 2012

I got into a screening of this movie thanks to my daughter, after waiting what felt like forever. I saw the unrated trailer on YouTube and couldn't wait to see it. As another reviewer said, if you like Family Guy, you'll like this. In some ways, it IS Family Guy. Wahlberg basically plays a Peter Griffin type character,a likable, but somewhat dimwitted guy. Ted is essentially Brian, smart, witty and self-centered and Mila is sort of a Lois type, hot and the grown up in the story. Be warned, this is NOT a children's movie. Nudity, drug and alcohol use, plus heavy on the profanity. In other words, go see it! Just leave your (little) kids at home.

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