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Reviews & Ratings for
Ted More at IMDbPro »

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307 out of 467 people found the following review useful:

Ted (2012) review

Author: manbearpig2 from United States
30 March 2012

I just want to state off hand that this is my first movie review, well other than just telling someone what I thought. So if you are looking for a well written, witty review then.. you might want to stop reading now. But since this movie is still in production, this will probably be your best bet for the time being.

I just went to a free screening of Ted at the Greenback theater in Sacramento, CA. And I just have to say off the bat, I LOVED it. A movie hasn't made me laugh that hard in a long time. Now, I'm not going to give you any more information than the description because with the movie not even being released yet, I think that would be a spoiler of some sort. But I will tell you that was so much better than what I imagined it would be, granted that was before I knew it was directed and voiced over by Seth Macfarlane. So if you're a fan of his, you're definitely in for a treat, and even if you're not I still think you would enjoy the innovative comedy that comes from a snarky and crude teddy bear companion. The acting was very solid, from main characters to jerk bosses, and crazy.. well, crazy people.. the acting was very convincing and enjoyable. The story was great, while it might sound stupid to some, myself included, it's very well executed. Definitely not one of the movies that left me thinking "the idea was good, but they could have done so much more with it", it was actually quite the opposite. And this is certainly not a low budget film, the CGI animation reflects this. The furry bear voiced by Macfarlane is very realistic and believable.

The only drawback I could possibly see that would cause someone displeasure would be, like a lot of new comedies, this film pushes the envelope in raunchy, vulgar humor. Plus the different amount of drugs used. This movie will receive (most likely), and be very deserving of a R rating. It doesn't rely solely on shock humor though, there is plenty of good old fashioned clean comedy. But if your like me, and that type of subject matter doesn't bother you, then I HIGHLY recommend this film. And if you're a Seth Macfarlane fan, then that's just a perfectly gift wrapped little bonus for you.

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160 out of 247 people found the following review useful:

One of the most disappointing movie experiences I've ever sat through

1/10
Author: sharkfarts farts from United States
8 October 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I like Family Guy. So much, that I've always said that if I were stuck on a desert island, Seth MacFarlane is one of the people I'd want to be stuck there with me. I found this movie horrible, loathsome, and lazy, so much so that it actually made me question Family Guy. That's how bad I thought it was. It made me rethink my entire conception of humor.

I did not find this movie funny at all. The style of comedy it uses is similar to that of Adam Sandler, whom I loathe. There's a lot of yelling, a lot of cursing, and overall, a lot stuff that's supposed to be funny. There are no clever jokes, no sense of set-up and reward. Instead, it's "oh look, the man is dancing, that's hilarious!". Not. Or "haha, that guy just said the f-word'". Isn't that funny? Kill me. I did find exactly one scene funny- the one in which Ted and Mark Whalberg have a fist fight in a hotel room. That reminded me of Family Guy and I found the idea so absurd that it made me chuckle. But this moment of hilarity is quickly diffused by a "getting hit in the groin" joke. Now, I realize that Family Guy uses exactly this type of humor, but somehow I always found it funnier. Maybe that's the problem here- live action is a different medium and the same things that work in the campy universe of cartoons don't work with real people.

I realize that this is a comedy, but I do believe that even low brow comedy movies should have a basic story or plot. This was supposed to be a character driven movie. The idea is simple- Mark Whalberg is a man-child who must learn to take responsibility and grow up. The script screws up this idea completely and instead, Mark Whalberg makes absolutely no change as a person. Neither does Ted. I realize it's supposed to be adorable that a teddy bear smokes weed, but the novelty wore off in 2 minutes. That, and I found the accent horribly annoying.

I was excited to see the supporting cast list on wikipedia. Whalberg is great, but like I said, his character was very poorly written. Mila Kunis does nothing in the whole movie but play a horribly clichéd romantic comedy girlfriend who also has no character arc in the movie. Joel McHale is another cliché in the movie and the fact that he's in the movie is a waste of a talented comedic actor. Laura Vandervoort literally does nothing. I mean, I at least expected her to be the seductress who tries to veer Mark Whalberg off the path of righteousness, but even that doesn't happen. So why even have this supporting cast in the movie if no one's going to do anything?

The plot of this movie was equally weak. MacFarlane uses all of these clichéd rom-com scenes and does nothing with them. Here's a small example. This movie has 2 or 3 restaurant scenes. Now ask yourself- why exactly were these scenes in the movie? Usually, restaurants are used in comedy movies to employ some kind of restaurant related humor. Maybe there's a maladjusted person in an uncomfortable environment, or maybe someone has an allergy and they cause a scene. At least someone falling or something. But the first restaurant scene of this movie simply has Mark Whalberg and Mila Kunis sitting and talking. That could have just as easily happened in a living room. So why was the restaurant scene necessary? Why even do that? It's completely pointless.

The ending to this movie accomplishes nothing. Mark Whalberg is supposed to change as a person. The death of Ted should have signified something, and having him come back to life s**ts on the character arc completely and nullifies it. We have no reason to believe that Mark Whalberg will grow up or make any kind of difference in life.

This movie had way too much product placement. Horribly obvious product placement.

Here's what I think. I think Seth MacFarlane is a perfectly competent individual who chose to be lazy. He wrote a horrible script, packed it with TV stars we might recognize, and collected the money. It's not just that this movie had no redeemable qualities. I actually feel like my intelligence was insulted and that I was fooled out of my money. Please don't let movies like this turn off your brain. Think about what you're watching and why you're laughing and don't settle for crap like this.

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239 out of 408 people found the following review useful:

Gawd Awful!!!

1/10
Author: jaxbubba from THE FARIS REEL on Facebook
11 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I just do not get it!!! This movie is just plain awful, and yet it is breaking box office records for "R-rated" comedies. With a running time of 98 mins, I could only manage to sit through the first 40 minutes before turning off this unfunny, quite boring, and quite disappointing film.

The premise of this film is quite simple. At the age of eight (8) years old and with no real friends of his own, little John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) makes a Christmas wish for his teddy bear to come to life. Ted and John become life long friends ("thunder buddies"); however, after twenty-seven (27) years of friendship, John must decide on either staying with his girlfriend of four (4) years Lori (Mila Kunis) or Ted.

Ted is the brainchild of Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy / American Dad) and he voices Ted as well. Ted has no redeeming qualities, and is combination of the two characters Quagmire and Brian from the Family Guy TV series. He's a pot-smoking, hooker dating, grocery clerk humping, foul mouth Neanderthal, who Lori (Kunis) feels is preventing her and John from having the adult relationship that she so desires to have.

In the 40 minutes that I managed to sit through, I never laughed, smirked, grinned or even hinted to a gesture of happiness to any of the "so-called" comedy being presented on screen… because there wasn't any there!!!! Unless you consider a foul-mouth, pot smoking teddy bear as being funny, which I did not. However, the scene in which I could take no more, is when Ted, while working as a clerk out clerk in a local grocery store gets caught "bopping" another check out clerk in the store room, and explains to his boss that, "Last week he screwed her with a parsnip and sold the parsnip to a family of four" … so his boss promoted him. IS THAT FUNNY?????? REALLY??? God, I feel like my dad now, I must be getting old!!!! Anyways, the film is making money hand over fist, and has already crossed the $100 million, and expected to cross the $200 million mark by summer's end. I JUST DO NOT GET IT!!!!!! I cannot recommend this film, I cannot even finish watching this film. It's being marketed as this year's "The Hangover", and I can assure you it is nowhere as funny as the "The Hangover"…. I would say avoid at all costs… but who am I???? SEE MORE OF MY REVIEWS ON FB @ "THE FARIS REEL"

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169 out of 278 people found the following review useful:

A party of a film... not for the easily offended

8/10
Author: JeffTheBadger from United Kingdom
3 July 2012

I really should start this with a warning: This film is not for everyone! If you are easily offended (by swearing, sexual references, casual racism and various stereotypes) then you should read no further and give this one a miss. However, if you are a fan of Seth MacFarlane's other projects (Family Guy, American Dad) and maybe you call yourself an "80's child" (so many pop culture references to this time) you are going to love this.

Sure some parts are a little disjointed, the story seems vaguely familiar and the "moral" of it kind of gets lost but quite frankly, it's just so darn funny none of that matters. The script is hilarious, the cameos are fantastic and the soundtrack is perfect.

Ted himself is well animated and Seth (apart from sounding a little like Peter Griffin) voices him with the usual competence. Mark Wahlberg delivers exactly what we have come to expect from him, and the rest of the cast seem to have had fun filming, which comes across in the various performances no matter how big or small. The acceptance and interaction of everyone with a living teddy-bear adds to the simple joy of this film, and you find yourself happy to watch and not question why nobody is fazed by this. TED is a laugh a minute, party of a film and I, for one, can't wait to see it again.

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142 out of 233 people found the following review useful:

Not for everyone

2/10
Author: super_mario_crivellaro
20 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I came into this movie expecting to be laughing almost the whole time, but I sat through the movie almost bored out of my mind! I was on the verge of getting up and leaving but that would of been rude. So instead I sat through the almost unbearable part of the movie where Ted and John (Mark Wahlberg)have a big fight (surprise surprise) and John's girlfriend dumps him (another surprise -_-) it's just a barrage of clichés to be honest. The humour of the film was well below mediocre. I didn't understand some the jokes because they were referencing a celebrity that I have never heard about. The other jokes are about drugs, swearing and getting drunk. The only time I managed a laugh was when Ted was pretending to be a retard . All in all If you're American you'd probably understand and enjoy this movie more than I did. If not, stay away!

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116 out of 188 people found the following review useful:

Tedious and unfunny

2/10
Author: evening1 from United States
19 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have occasionally laughed out loud while my sons, ages 15 and 9, watch Family Guy, so I don't hate Seth MacFarlane.

But I fantasized often during this tiresome film about leaving early and letting my giggling kids get home on their own. (They found it "awesome.")

"Ted" does have a few funny bits. It's not a bad idea to imagine a kid's teddy bear that ages along with him -- into the raunchiest version of a case of arrested development imaginable. The scenes with the supermarket manager are pretty entertaining, and I found Wahlberg's off-key serenade to Kunis amusing.

However, 98 percent of the time I was squirming unpleasantly. Jewish jokes? How terribly fresh and original. Fart gags? That's creative. Scenes of guys getting crazy-drunk, knocking things over, and trashing rooms? My sides were splitting. And it got better from there (i.e., poop on the floor).

The storyline involving Wahlberg and Kunis was strictly a retread. I tired of their petty spats and could not care less whether they stayed together or split. The father-and-son subplot seemed like something I'd seen before.

I know this movie wasn't geared toward 56-year-old moms. However, I did expect a script from the originator of Family Guy to be significantly more clever and fun.

I know many will disagree with me, but this movie reeked.

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155 out of 275 people found the following review useful:

Dreadful.

1/10
Author: loumcp from Australia
10 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I have a perverted sense of humor and do not mind Family Guy, so I'm not sure what I was expecting. But this nasty, pointless, unfunny drivel was a complete waste of my time and money. About the only thing achieved here is an effort to showcase Mila Kunis as completely gorgeous; on all other counts it is a fail - unless you like gratuitous eff words and references to bowel movements/flatulence/anal sex (oooohhh how shocking, and how boring)

*Spoiler Alert* See this and tell me if you can believe Mila Kunis wasting a perfectly good wish on having the world's most repulsive little furball come back to life.

Only for sophomoric morons with no schools to vandalize or cars to torch.

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84 out of 141 people found the following review useful:

Watch only if you need to lose 2 hours of your life.

1/10
Author: velikidace from Zagreb, Croatia
5 August 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

First of all let me tell you that I rate movies on a scale from -10 to 10 with 5 being the average and negative numbers for differentiating the awfulness of certain movies that are terrible.

That said I give this movie a 0, even though I like Seth Macfarlane's work this was an absolute disaster.

We got a movie with 1 dimensional leading characters of Ted and John that didn't provide you with a single emotional reaction, while Mila Kunis character was at least somewhat comparable to a person although not at all complex. Supporting cast is the only part worth mentioning since Flash Gordon absolutely stole the show with the 4 minutes of air time he had, his lines were consistent and witty unlike anything main characters did.

Story in itself falls apart since it is not built on anything real, the movie is completely clownish for the first 1 hour without any character build up and then randomly inserts "emotional" parts which left me completely indifferent, it was awkward and out of place.

I could have said something nice about the atmosphere if the movie was consistent as it was for the first half but it started to take itself seriously which ruined the composure.

I wouldn't recommend any movie enthusiast to watch this terrible movie, and reading movie reviews on IMDb in general I'm sure at least 90% of them as well as votes are sponsored by companies, too bad for this once great site.

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59 out of 99 people found the following review useful:

Are the rest of these people on crack?

1/10
Author: fugetaboutit now from United States
12 July 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This movie was such a piece of crap. Seth McFarlane should stick to what he knows best - cartoons, and leave the real movies to the big people. It was the same rehash of his series Family Guy with a horrible plot about this teddy bear growing up with his owner from childhood and gets... kidnapped? Kidnapped really?? And do we need yet another fat joke, or handicapped joke? If you answered yes, then you deserve to watch this film and lower your I.Q. another 20 points. Honestly, the only real treat was watching Mila Kunis, (and that's some damn fine acting by the way) they must have paid her a fortune to act in this crap. That goes for Mark Wahlberg too If you were expecting some magical, detailed plot where the jokes are actually funny and not recycled from a familiar series, then sorry to say look elsewhere.

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58 out of 100 people found the following review useful:

pointless, inept

1/10
Author: John Smith from United States
4 September 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Saw this and had the constant feeling of awkwardness on behalf of the people producing it. The timing for jokes is sometimes way off. The storyline doesn't make sense in itself (I know speaking toys don't exist - I mean they are inconsistent with the make-believe stuff they tell you).

I expected clever jokes from McFarlane, political/social satire (great time for it, isn't it). Unfortunately he managed a script that only pointlessly rumbles on from here to there trying to develop something with love story and talking bear... something... something. I laughed a handful of times, but that isn't enough for 100 minutes.

You are just constantly pushed out of it by inept movie-craftsmanship. The casting is ridiculous. A former superhero and another former man in black have a small side role as a 'funny' gay couple. - Problem is a 12 year old makes better gay jokes. The stuff feels really outdated for me. Maybe in the early 1990s such a thing as a man who is gay but can't figure it out was funny. Plus one can see no one gave them useful direction to portray the characters, as they are SO VISIBLE as the actors who did that other movie all the time. If you do this and these kind/level of jokes now you look like a film-school freshman who couldn't afford a professional script-reviewer.

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