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"Parks and Recreation" Soulmates (TV Episode 2011) Poster

(TV Series)

(2011)

Quotes

Chris Traeger: Have you ever had a turkeyburger?

Ron Swanson: Is that a fried turkey leg wrapped inside a burger? Because if so, then yes. Delicious.

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Chris Traeger: Pawnee is the fourth most obese city in the United States.

Tom Haverford: Soon to be third. Look out, San Antonio.

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Tom Haverford: Oh can I get some apps'n'sserts?

Tom Haverford: SSerts is what I call desserts, Tray trays are entrees, I call sandwiches sammies, sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers, Air conditioners are cool blasterz, with a z I dunno where that came from, I call cakes, big ol' cookies, All noodles, long ass rice, Fried chicken is fri fri chicky chick, Chicken parm is chicky chicky parm parm, Chicken cacciatore, chicky catch, I call eggs, pre birds, or future birds, Root beer is super water, Tortillas are bean blankies, And I call forks, food rakes.

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Ron Swanson: Challenge accepted. If I win, hamburgers stay on the menu.

Chris Traeger: And if I win, what do I get?

Ron Swanson: The rarest jewel of all: victory over me, Ron Swanson.

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Ron Swanson: I'm not planning to buy anything here. I buy all my hamburgers at Food and Stuff, a place equidistant from my home and work. I'm here for the same reason people go to zoos.

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Ron Swanson: I love Food and Stuff. It's where I buy all of my food. And most of my stuff.

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Andy Dwyer: Did you you know that the food you eat becomes energy?

Andy Dwyer: [kicking the air] That's spaghetti.

Andy Dwyer: [punching the air] That's tacos.

Andy Dwyer: [doing another move] That's cereal.

April Ludgate: That's my husband.

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Ann Perkins: What's up?

Leslie Knope: What's wrong with me? Why do good guys hate me and gross guys love me? Diagnose me, you're a nurse.

Ann Perkins: There's nothing wrong with you. You're an intelligent, classy, attractive woman, but for whatever reason, right now, only douchey guys are buying what you're selling.

Leslie Knope: So I should go and ask them what they think it is I'm selling.

[pause, nods]

Leslie Knope: A douche-vestigation.

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Andy Dwyer: Chris?

Chris Traeger: Now Andy, I said one thing.

Andy Dwyer: April?

April Ludgate: Pinwheel.

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Andy Dwyer: What's this?

Chris Traeger: Dragonfruit.

Chris Traeger: What's this?

Chris Traeger: Horned melon.

Andy Dwyer: What's this?

Chris Traeger: A peach.

Andy Dwyer: I knew that.

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Leslie Knope: So, I was wondering, how did we get matched up on hoosiermate.com?

Tom Haverford: I created 26 different profiles, each one to attract a different girl. Tom A. Haverford is athletic. Tom B. Haverford is brave. Which letter did you get?

Leslie Knope: N, Tom N. Haverford.

Tom Haverford: Ha! The n stands for nerd. I never check that one because no one ever responds to it. Tom N. Haverford collects globes. His favorite movie is books.

Leslie Knope: Donna?

[Donna comes up to Tom and kisses him on the mouth]

Leslie Knope: Every time I want you to shut up from now on.

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Leslie Knope: I don't know if the online thing is for me. I prefer to meet people in person. It's like door number two on Let's Make a Deal: do you want the thing that you have, that you know you like, but is it perfect? Or, do you give it up for what's behind door number two?

[pause]

Leslie Knope: I think I like what I have.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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