Krusty: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to make ice? She forgot the recipe! How come you don't see many blonde snowwomen? It takes too much time to hollow out the head!
Bart Simpson: [laughing] He sure got you pegged, blondie.
Lisa Simpson: You're blond too, you know.
Bart Simpson: Blond boys aren't dumb, they're evil, like in Karate Kid or World War II.
Nigel Baker-Butcher: [as Homer and Ned Flanders destroy all the surveilance cameras in Springfield] Thus ends the most popular reality television show in Britain.
Queen Elizabeth: [Cut to the throneroom of Buckingham Palace, where it is revealed the footage from the Springfield surveilance cameras has been streamed over to England as a reality TV show. Her majesty watches as the transmission is cut] Well, too bad. Although I will miss that Ralph Wiggum child. He reminds me of my boy.
Prince Charles: [Prince Charles walks in holding a cat sitting on a cushion] Mummy, my cat's breath smells like cat food.
Ms. Dubinsky: We'd like you to join our debate team.
Lisa Simpson: We have a debate team?
Ms. Dubinsky: It's the only extracurricular activity that doesn't require any equipment.
Principal Skinner: Because of budget cuts, we had to improvise. Ralph Wiggum will be your lectern.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a furniture.
Smithers: Sir, that nuclear waste concealment unit that was supposed to last a thousand years is full.
Mr. Burns: Hmmm. Have you tried stamping it down?
Smithers: It just popped up in another place. We need a place to get rid of this plutonium.
Mr. Burns: Just pick the biggest idiot in the plant and put the plutonium in his bag.
[Sees Homer and his new Duff bag through the surveilance cameras]
Mr. Burns: That's a bingo.
Nelson Muntz: Haw-haw! You're a spaz!
Lisa Simpson: That's not true. First of all, Milhouse only fell because you tripped him. Secondly, spaz is short for spastic diplegia, someone who suffers from a serious medical condition. And thirdly, your Haw-haw, by overuse, has lost its power.
Nelson Muntz: Wow. I bow before your logic.
Ned Flanders: Isn't this great? We're like a Jiminy Cricket for the entire town. A half-man, half-bug that knows what's best for everybody.
Homer Simpson: Your nagging has sent all our misbehavior into one small spot, a shining diamond of evil.
Ned Flanders: I guess I did create this, just as God created the Devil.
Homer Simpson: God created the Devil? Finally, He created something cool.
Ned Flanders: I didn't mean to be Big Brother. I just wanted to be little sister, trying to make everyone behave.
Homer Simpson: Well, if you ask me, what you did was playing God.
Ned Flanders: Playing God? But that's the worst kind of sin, for some reason.
Mayor Quimby: All of those in favor of the cameras say "cheese".
Mayor Quimby: All opposed, say "I hate America".
Lisa Simpson: I... wait... Oh, what's the use?