Everybody is enjoying Raiders of the Lost Ark
, even Penny (Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting
). Although she'd like to know how Harrison Ford got so good with the whip if he was an archaeologist. Presumably, he didn't practice the way Howard (Simon Helberg
) did...at an adult bookstore. Everybody (except Penny) is even more excited to be going to the midnight showing of the movie, complete with 21 extra seconds of footage. Apparently, it answers all of the questions about the submarine. (Thank God. That's kept me up nights for 29 years.)
LEONARD: I can't believe you've never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark
PENNY: I can't believe you've never read Eat, Pray, Love
LEONARD: Well, when she comes out with Eat, Pray, Run Away from a Giant Boulder
, I'll read it.
Raj (Kunal Nayyar
) backs Penny on that book. It changed his life. But Penny does love Indy's hat, designed by Deborah Nadoolman, who also designed Michael Jackson's black-and-red jacket for the "Thriller" video, according to Sheldon (Jim Parsons
). Although he never saw the whole video, as zombies dancing in choreographed sync is implausible...and very scary. But he is picking up on Penny's sarcasm more these days. Well, he's 8 for 26 this month.
PENNY: Well, I'll pass, but you guys go enjoy your extra 21 seconds.
LEONARD: Bet you if I could make you understand why this is so cool, we'd still be together.
PENNY: Mmmm, yeah....no, we wouldn't.
HOWARD: (off Raj's whisper) Yeah, I'm guessing 21 seconds had something to do with that, too.
At dinner, the guys, plus Amy (Mayim Bialik
), are enjoying themselves. Except for Sheldon, who is panicking the movie is only seven hours from now and they have to get in line.
HOWARD: You know, if we miss it, we'll have the fun of Sheldon whining about it for the rest of our lives.
SHELDON: See? Howard's on my side.
HOWARD: Actually, I'm not. I'm using sarcasm to mock you.
SHELDON: (deflated) Drat, now I'm 8 for 27.
Sheldon thinks Leonard (Johnny Galecki
) should be backing him more.
SHELDON: Sheldon: What happened to the Leonard Hofstadter who waited in line with me for 14 hours to see the midnight premiere of Star Trek: Nemesis
LEONARD: Oh. Well, he waited in line for 14 hours, while you napped in a lawn chair, he got in a fight with a Klingon when he stepped out of line to pee and you wouldnt wake up to vouch for him, and worst of all, he saw Star Trek: Nemesis
SHELDON: But how were our seats?
LEONARD: (defeated) Excellent.
Amy would agree with Sheldon, but she's trying to be more accepted in his social group by agreeing with everybody else from time to time. Meanwhile, Bernadette (Melissa Rauch
) stops by and makes lovey-dovey with Howard. (It's as bad as it sounds.) She tells everybody she was invited over to spend time with Penny, and suddenly Amy doesn't want to be left out of any of the girl activities for the evening. Bernadette says she'll ask Penny, but Amy takes it upon herself to tell Penny she'll be there. Amy thinks she and Penny are close. ("Our menses are synchronized.") Penny didn't realize Amy wanted to be part of a girls' night out. ("I"m a girl!") Penny begrudgingly agrees, and Amy goes shopping for something comfortable to wear.
As it turns out, Sheldon was right. The line is ridiculously long, and he is more than happy to point out the locations they would have been standing had they left when Sheldon told them, had Raj not ordered dessert, etc. ("I informed you thusly!")
HOWARD: Gee, I can't wait for that to start.
SHELDON: I informed you thusly
RAJ: 8 for 28.
And now they are far from the "nourishing teats of Indiana Jones." And the appearance of someone else is about to put them further away. Yes, it's the Jar-Jar Binks of the Star Trek Universe...EVIL Wil Wheaton
! Of course, to the rest of us, he's just Wil Wheaton
. Including the theatre manager, who lets Wil and his entourage in ahead of everybody. And the only person to protest? Really, need you ask?
SHELDON: AS CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC PICARD ONCE SAID, THE LINE MUST BE DRAWN HERE! THIS FAR, NO FARTHER!
At Penny's, Amy's quite good with the girl talk. She has an unusually firm cervix and a tilted uterus. Penny tries to correct her about it, and Amy thinks her friend's thesis on the fungus that grows on manicure implements should do the trick nicely. And Penny reaches for the next bottle of wine. But Bernadette suggests they'll have to make it a slumber party if they're going to get hammered, and Amy is all on board.
AMY: We'll do makeovers, initiate phony phone calls, and have spirited pillow fights in our frilly nighties!
Penny isn't thrilled, but it turns out Amy never went to a slumber party.
AMY: Well, there was this one time when I was a kid and I had my tonsils out, and I shared a hospital room with a little Vietnamese girl. She didn't make it through the night, but up 'til then it was kind of fun.
Penny agrees...and immediately gets a pillow in the face from Amy.
Naturally, Evil Wil Wheaton isn't going to let it go. He Tweeted "Best seats in the house for Raiders' screening. Suck on that, Sheldon Cooper." Sheldon is depressed, but then he gets a call to test his cell service. He has to repeat some phrases back to the operator.
SHELDON: Imatote. Ulba. Twad. All together? 'I'm a total butt-wad.' Why are you laughing?
PENNY: (laughing) And that, girls, is how you make a phony phone call!
Well, it certainly beats Amy hating the nail polish Penny put on her. But now Amy is researching what to do at slumber parties. Next: Truth or Dare. Bernadette chooses a Truth.
AMY: To what temperature must you heat beef in order to kill the prion that causes bovine spongiform encephelopathy?
PENNY: No, Amy. You're supposed to ask her something personal or embarrassing.
AMY: Oh, OK. Bernadette, what is the circumference of your areolas?
The guys don't get into the movie (shocking!), as the theatre didn't have four more seats. As they leave (and Sheldon warms up his vocal chords to start whining), he spots an open side door. If he can't see the movie, nobody can. Yes, he steals the prints from the unguarded projection room.
Did you know The Miller's Tale by Chaucer is a very dirty story? Well, Bernadette did dare Amy to tell a dirty story. But it loses something in the translation when spoken in Middle English...and when you're plowed. And some serious truth is about to come out, as Bernadette asks Penny why she hangs out with Leonard so much if they broke up with each other. Amy likes the question, too. Penny? She wants to change to a Dare instead, but the judges disallow it.
PENNY: Look, just because we're not seeing each other anymore doesn't mean we can't be friends. I mean, Leonard's a great guy.
AMY: Then why did you terminate your relationship with him?
PENNY: I...don't know. He got...really serious, and I just wasn't ready for it.
AMY: Interesting. How will you react if in the future, you become ready for it, and Leonard is unavailable because another woman has realized he is...to use your words...a great guy?
PENNY: (not happy) You can only ask one question.
AMY & BERNADETTE: That one.
PENNY: (really not happy) I really don't want to play this game anymore.
Penny goes to her room, and stays there. After a long time, Amy and Bernadette wonder what to do, so Amy looks at another item on the list of things to do at a slumber party...experimental lesbianism. And she goes to try that with Penny. Bernadette thinks skipping to 'eating cookie dough' might have been the better option.