- Katee Sackhoff: [to Howard while he's kissing Bernadette in the car] Now make the move.
- George Takei: Uh-uh. Too soon.
- Katee Sackhoff: Trust me, she's ready. Make the move.
- George Takei: No, no, no. A lady wants to be wooed, courted slowly.
- Katee Sackhoff: How would you know?
- George Takei: I read.
- Katee Sackhoff: George, let me ask you something: how did you deal with being typecast as a science fiction icon?
- George Takei: It's difficult. You try and stretch as an actor, do Strinberg, O'Neill, but all they want is "Course laid in, Captain."
- Katee Sackhoff: Tell me about it. It's frakking frustrating.
- Howard Wolowitz: Now, where were we?
- Bernadette: I believe you were about to rip off my uniform with your teeth.
- Howard Wolowitz: Bernadette? What are you doing here?
- Bernadette: Well, if I had to guess I'd say I'm here because you saw me earlier this evening and you're still hung up on me.
- Howard Wolowitz: No, I'm not.
- Katee Sackhoff: Clearly you are. Otherwise, based on past experience, we'd be done by now.
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, I'm a little confused here.
- George Takei: Oh my, can I help?
- Howard Wolowitz: Not that kind of confused!
- Bernadette: What's George Takei doing here?
- Katee Sackhoff: Howard, do you have latent homosexual tendencies?
- Howard Wolowitz: Of course not!
- George Takei: So you say, yet here I am.
- Sheldon Cooper: [referring to an over sized desk] Why do you even want this here? Its size is completely disproportionate to its purpose!
- Raj Koothrappali: Seeing as its purpose was to piss you off, I'd say it's spot on!
- Leonard Hofstadter: So Howard and Bernadette agreed to discuss it over coffee.
- Sheldon Cooper: Quick question.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why are you telling me all this?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know. I guess your movements are so life-like I sometimes forget you're not a real boy.
- Raj Koothrappali: You're so arrogant! If you were a superhero, your name would be Captain Arrogant. And you know what your superpower would be? Arrogance!
- Sheldon Cooper: You're wrong again. If my superpower were arrogance, my name would be Dr. Arroganto.
- Raj Koothrappali: You said I could get a desk.
- Sheldon Cooper: This isn't a desk! This is a... Brobdingnagian monstrosity!
- Raj Koothrappali: Is that the American idiom for "giant big-ass desk"?
- Sheldon Cooper: It's actually British.
- Katee Sackhoff: Hello Howard, I've missed you.
- Howard Wolowitz: I've missed you, Katee Sackhoff.
- Katee Sackhoff: One question.
- Howard Wolowitz: Anything.
- Katee Sackhoff: Why am I wearing my Battlestar Galactica flight suit in bed?
- Howard Wolowitz: Why are you in bed with me? If we start to question this, it all falls apart.
- Katee Sackhoff: Sorry. Oh ravish me, Howard. My loins ache for you.
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, if you insist,
- Mrs. Wolowitz: [shouting] Howard! Have you seen my girdle?
- Howard Wolowitz: [shouting] No, Ma!
- Mrs. Wolowitz: [shouting] I can't find it, and I'm late for my Weight Watchers meeting!
- Howard Wolowitz: [shouting] Maybe it committed suicide! Leave me alone!
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Walking by Sheldon's office door] My God, what is that smell?
- [Knocks on the door-Sheldon emerges wearing a gasmask]
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes?
- Leonard Hofstadter: What are you doing in there?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm making hydrogen sulfide and ammonia gas. Just a little experiment in pest control.
- Raj Koothrappali: [Raj emerges from the office] That's not gonna work, dude, I grew up in India: an entire sub-continent where cows walk in the street and nobody has ever had a solid bowel movement.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, we'll just see how long you can hold out.
- Raj Koothrappali: Well, we'll just see how you noxious gas fares against my cinnamon-apple scented aromatherapy candles.
- [Retreats into the office. Sheldon turns to Leonard and shakes his head]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Didn't you say you're making hydrogen sulfide gas?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Isn't that flammable?
- Sheldon Cooper: Highly.
- [Leonard looks at him with raised eyebrows]
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, dear.
- Raj Koothrappali: [There is a flash and a bang from inside the office. Leonard and Sheldon step back quickly. Raj emerges blackened and dishevelled with a parakeet in a cage] This is not over.
- Mrs. Wolowitz: [shouting] Howard! I found my girdle! It was in the dryer!
- Howard Wolowitz: [shouting] Great, Ma!
- Mrs. Wolowitz: [shouting] I think it shrunk! I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here!
- Howard Wolowitz: [quietly to himself] And with that mental picture I think we're done for the evening.
- [Howard is asking Penny for help to get back together with Bernadette, but Penny first wants to know why they broke up]
- Howard Wolowitz: It's embarrassing.
- Penny: Yeah, that's what I'm counting on. Spill.
- Raj Koothrappali: Why can't I buy my own desk?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, why can't he buy his own desk?
- Sheldon Cooper: Because...
- [long pause]
- Raj Koothrappali: Because?
- Sheldon Cooper: Because it's my office.
- Howard Wolowitz: How am I gonna play this? Sophisticated and relaxed? Friendly, noncommittal? Cold and distant?
- [Bernadette turns around. Howard dives under the table]
- Bernadette: [as she walks by the table] Hi guys.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello.
- [peers under the table]
- Sheldon Cooper: I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened.
- Raj Koothrappali: It's one of his best moves.
- Bernadette: Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you, with your looks, your fancy patter, and your tight hoochie pants if she isn't expecting him to eventually make the move.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why on earth are you telling me all this?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know. Sometimes your movements are so lifelike, I forget you're not a real boy.
- Penny: Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert, but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays, and even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me. Howard won't order anything, but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment involving the words pie or cheesecake. And Leonard's lactose-intolerant, so he can't eat anything here without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
- Bernadette: Howard, you did have a real woman. I was right there in the next room while you were clicking that troll's brains out.
- Howard Wolowitz: Would you have opened the door if you knew it was me?
- Penny: Not since I found out the teddy bear you gave me had a webcam in it.
- Sheldon Cooper: I see what's going on. This is the opening salvo in what will be an escalating series of juvenile tit-for-tat exchanges. Well titted.
- Raj Koothrappali: Thank you
- Sheldon Cooper: Stand by for my upcoming tat!
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's great news about you and Bernadette.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, I think I'm gonna take her to miniature golf.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, I guess for you guys, that's like regular golf.
- Howard Wolowitz: Short jokes, really? You're like a quarter of an inch taller than me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: And don't you forget it.
- Howard Wolowitz: I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice.
- Raj Koothrappali: Has it occurred to you you're missing the big picture? If you look at neutron scattering data...
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, Penny? Penny?
- Penny: What's up?
- Sheldon Cooper: Nothing. I just wanted to make Raj stop talking.