Bender: Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?
Turanga Leela: Violent outbursts.
Amy Wong: General sluttiness.
Philip J. Fry: Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
Philip J. Fry: This is every bit as fun as the real Civil War.
Turanga Leela: Not the Civil War, Private. We're re-enacting the Sith Wars.
Philip J. Fry: Sith? What the Hoth?
Bender: So what could have caused that leak? A heat fracture, on account of I'm so hot?
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: I'm afraid not. Oh, Bender, you have a fatal defect.
Bender: Ah, fatal, schmatal! I'll just download a wireless backup copy of me into an equally fabulous body.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: That's just it. You can't! You were built without a backup unit.
Bender: There's no backup copy of me?
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: That's what I just said, you mortal coil.
Bender: So if I die...
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: You die. Or as you put it...
Bender: Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana.
[Bender throws a stone over the fence]
Mexican #1: Dios mio! Someone just threw a rock here in the outskirts of Tijuana.
Bender: Is it within city limits?
Mexican #1: I think yes.
Bender: Told you.
Bender: He's Mexican, I'm Mexican. Let me handle this.
Border Guard: Sus papeles, por favor.
Bender: [pause] Si.
[Guard hits him in head with guitar]
Bender: Oh, no, they've killed me! Put me in my Sunday best and stick me in a box. Now they're lowering me into the cold, cold ground. Oh, here come the worms! Ha ha ha ha!
Philip J. Fry: You wouldn't be laughing so hard if you were really dead.
Bender: Nu-uh, because in case you didn't know, I'm a robot.
Philip J. Fry: So? You could die if something heavy fell on you, like a church.
Bender: My backup unit makes a backup copy of me every day, so if something happens to my body, I just download that copy into another body. I'm immortal, baby!
Amy Wong: What? Then how come you scream every time there's danger?
Bender: I didn't say I wasn't a drama queen.
Darth Trocious: I shall rip out your heart and show it to you!
[Taps Scruffy with toy lightsaber]
Darth Trocious: It is done.
Scruffy: [Lies down] The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. Mmm-hmm.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: I have pain in joints I had removed years ago. Bender, could you get me my soft chair with the wheels?
Bender: You mean your wheelchair?
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: No, not my wheelchair. The one with the wheels.
Hermes Conrad: Don't shoot 'till you see the green of their eyes. It saves on bullets.
Turanga Leela: You can't just go to the Central Bureaucracy. Bureaucrats are officious little pencil pushers who blend into the walls.
Hermes Conrad: [Wearing a shirt that matches the wall] I beg to differ.
Bender: Stinking bureaucrats. I hate 'em!
Turanga Leela: Of course, you could get a seasoned bureaucrat to guide you.
Bender: Hermes, old buddy!
Hermes Conrad: Old buddy? 8.4 seconds ago you hated me.
Bender: Time heals all wounds.
Hermes Conrad: All right, I'll help you, but only to show you that we're not pencil pushers.
Amy Wong: Are you taking your pocket filing cabinet?
Hermes Conrad: None of your beeswax.
Old Man in Line: One death certificate, please.
Female Bureaucrat: Sorry, that's in Building C.
Hermes Conrad: Forget it, Bender. He's obviously long gone.
Bender: [Pointing to iguana] Oh, yeah? Maybe that's him in a costume.
[Picks up iguana]
Bender: Come out of there, or I'll squeeze you out like Tijuana toothpaste.
Bender: Well, we're in Tijuana. I wanna live a little.
[the house is shot at]
Bender: I'm gonna die! That's the exact opposite of what I want!