Lou: [facing a giant chess knight piece] Chief, I don't like the looks of that knight.
Chief Wiggum: Don't worry, Lou. We're two spaces away and one to the right.
[the chess knight lands on Chief Wiggum]
Chief Wiggum: I guess it's game, set, match for me.
Lou: I think you mean check and mate, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: I just got crused by a giant horse, Lou. Can you cut me a break?
Lisa Simpson: My boyfriend will be here. Remember not to be yourselves.
Homer Simpson: I know, I know. Don't serve anything with garlic, don't try to stab him in the heart with a stake, don't ask him if he knows Frankenstein, it's racist somehow.
Bart Simpson: Come on, it's just a game. We're not hurting anybody.
[Accidentally hits Milhouse in the eye with controller]
Milhouse Van Houten: Ow! My non-lazy eye!
Marge Simpson: Oh, Homey. What a great idea to take a cruise in uncharted waters.
Homer Simpson: Yeah. Charts are for squares, baby.
Edmund: Dad,I don't need a chaperone. I'm 400 years old.
Count Dracula: You live under my crypt, you follow my rules.
Edmund: You're tearing me apart!
Count Dracula: Look, I'm more than just a vampire. I'm also a sucker for dixieland jazz.
[Plays jazz trumpet]
Edmund: You said you weren't bringing it.
Count Dracula: I said I might not.
Bart Simpson: There comes a time to beat the crap out of childish things.
Bart Simpson: I wish I could see mom one more time so I could say, "this was all your fault!"