Community (TV Series)
English as a Second Language (2010)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Jeff Winger : [Jeff has told everyone to close their eyes so Annie's "Disney face" won't make them feel sorry for her] Abed! Closed!
Abed Nadir : It's ok. I can only relate to people through...
[Looks at Annie, seems to be faltering]
Abed Nadir : ... movies.
Jeff Winger : She's the Ark of the Covenant!
Abed Nadir : Ah!
[Covers eyes]
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Jeff Winger : Friends don't do what you did to us. Did the sisterhood of the travelling pants poison each other's food so they were too sick to leave? No! I've never seen it, but I'm pretty sure they mailed each other pants!
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Jeff Winger : Now she is going to make the Disney face. Her lip is gonna quiver and her eyelids will flutter, but they won't ever actually close. But DO NOT feel sorry for her. She stole a year of our lives, and we're right to be pissed.
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Jeff Winger : Nobody even think about going after her. That's what she wants, more personal drama so we fail the exam and stay in Spanish forever. We have to beat her. Don't text her, don't call her, don't mention her. We do not need her to study.
[opens his Spanish book and stares at a page]
Jeff Winger : Does anybody know how to study?
Abed Nadir : Annie usually...
Jeff Winger : Whose side are you on?
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Pierce Hawthorne : What's on the final?
Doctora Escodera : En Espanol, por favor.
Pierce Hawthorne : I know it's in Spanish, dummy. I'm just saying, you know, what chapters? All three or...?
Doctora Escodera : Veinte.
Britta Perry : Oh, I know that one. She wants a large coffee.
Doctora Escodera : Okay, in English. You will be taking a standard exam for students at your level. It will cover this entire textbook.
Jeff Winger : El crappo.
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Annie Edison : Spanish has value beyond credit.
Jeff Winger : Not really. I know the family downstairs hates me. I don't need to understand why.
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Annie Edison : I said I was sorry!
Jeff Winger : Who cares if you're sorry? We're still screwed! Be sorry about this stuff BEFORE you do it! Then don't do it! It's called growing up!
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Ben Chang : Anyway, next thing you know, I'm 32, and I'm bagging groceries for, like, 5 bucks an hour plus tips. Shocked?
Jeff Winger : Confused. I'm supposed to tip my bag boy?
Ben Chang : So I did what anyone would do. I faked my way into a job as a Spanish teacher at a community college relying on phrases from Sesame Street.
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Jeff Winger : Annie, I'm not big on planning ahead, but I have one unmovable appointment May 23, 2013.
Troy Barnes : To buy a flying car?
Jeff Winger : I have a table for one at Morty's Steak House where I will celebrate becoming a lawyer again, which can only happen if I take a full load.
[raises finger for emphasis to silence Pierce's inappropriate response]
Jeff Winger : *Don't*. A full load of classes every year.
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Ben Chang : Two questions. Where did you get it, could you have prevented being caught, and how?
Jeff Winger : One question. Where did you learn to count questions and are you telling me you need a fake degree?
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Jeff Winger : I don't want to sound like a defeatist, but we're defeated.
