Brick Heck: Wait, who's the lion?
Mike Heck: I am. I'm the lion. I'm the lion in ALL of the stories.
Axl Heck: This is unfair. You're parents. It's your job to put your kids first.
Mike Heck: Who says?
Axl Heck: I'll tell you who says. "The Giving Tree". You're the ones who read us the book. The tree gave up all its leaves and - and its apples and its branches, and it let the little boy cut it down so it could be a canoe. And it didn't complain and go nuts and kick anyone off the TV. It wanted to be a stump. It was happy!
Axl Heck: God, if you don't want to do anything for us, why'd you even have kids?
Mike Heck: 'Cause babies are cute. If you had come out teenagers, we might've had to rethink.
Brick Heck: I looked up "Moby Dick", the hard edition.
Mike Heck: Uh, you didn't.
Brick Heck: And you can't believe what came up.
Mike Heck: Oh, I'm afraid we can.
Brick Heck: All these first editions and stuff.
Frankie Heck: Oh, see?
Mike Heck: Oh, good for you, Brick.
Frankie Heck: That's what the Internet is for - books.
Brick Heck: Oh, and then I met some guy online who wants to meet me at the park.
Frankie Heck: Maybe we should have taken him to the library.