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*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Let me just state that it was pure torture watching MacGruber go to
work, and if this any indication of what the movie's gonna be like, I'm
in for some trouble!.
Triple H is out to a big pop to start the show. He tells the crowd not to suck up to him, and points out that Lillian Garcia is back for one night only|Hell yeah!| He announces the obvious and that the Raw crew is stuck in Europe. He says they are used to giant, Gasic eruptions but it usually involves The Big Show and Mexican food|HA!| He jokes about people worrying about him wrestling a two-hour Iron Man match with Frank The Audio Guy, but that's not gonna be the case, because WWE always works on putting out a high standard show|Yeah, right|. He also says he'll be at Extreme Rules, and claims that if that Pasty faced tea bag ever makes it to Extreme Rules, he's gonna beat him either color then white|HAA!|. CM Punk is out to cause some disturbance. He says fortunately for Raw, Smackdown had the intestinal fortitude to make it through the Ash and make it back to friendly shores, and has two words for the crowd "Jersey sucks". Punk says he might get drafted to Raw, and if he does he's bringing the whole SES society with him. Triple H jokes and says "You mean both of them?". HHH wants to know why they had to shave their heads and Punk didn't. Punk says no foreign chemicals have ever touched his hair, and Triple H hilariously asks if he means foreign chemicals as "Shampoo and Soap". CM Punk says he could learn a thing or two with Straight Edge. Triple H disagrees and goes to the fans. He says if they want to go to Concessions and drink beer, provided he has a ride home they can. He finds two old guys and says if they want to celebrate their union they can. He goes to Lillian and says if she wants to come back for one night only and horse around, she can do it. He says people can do what they choose, and if that includes going in front of The Bald Wonder Twins he'll do it|HA!!|. Punk is disappointed that Triple H didn't see the light, and try to be a part of something big. He honestly thought he would shave his head, and join SES, but apparently there's a miscommunication. He demands that Triple H does it, and SES attacks. They set up Trips for the shaving, but Rey predictably saves the day. Really fun segment, Triple H looked motivated for once, and was pretty funny as a result.
Drew McIntyre Vs Matt Hardy. No entrances huh?. Crappy match between the two, that obviously didn't have much thought into it at all. Drew wins.
John Cena joins us by Satellite. He says he's sorry for the fans at Raw, and if need be he'll swim to Baltimore and remain WWE champion. Okie Doke
Vladimir Kozlov is out and has somethings to say, and asks The King to read them. Big "Jerry chants". Kozlov reads a boring address to the audience trashing them in every way imaginable, before MacGruber is out|Oh Joy!|. Not even gonna go over this silly stuff, it's too excruciating to recap, so just look it up if your that curious. Truth comes out, and magically explodes!. God awful is an understatement.
Gruber is back at it again, trying to sneak out of the building. Trips points out his wet pants, while MacGruber makes various excuses as to why. He runs off when Kane comes in, while Trips takes a whiff with Kane, and says that's probably not all he did in those pants. I admit I laughed, but really this is directed at 6 year old's!.
Randy Orton joins us by satellite and says wherever he ends up is where The World Title will be. That's it?!.
Jack Swagger is out. He says talk is cheap from Orton when he's 3000 miles away, and issues an open challenge to anyone here tonight. Out comes The Undertaker to a huge pop.
Jack Swagger Vs Undertaker. Pretty good match up here, but was Taker winning that wise?. Taker wins with The Tombstone.
Jericho stops to talk to SES. Punk has his hair wrapped up in a Towel. Jericho tells them all to stay in line, and they'll win the match. Jericho runs into MacGruber, and says he is the best thing about the movie. Jericho says to stop with the shameless pandering and that his performance is Oscar worthy. Jericho does a hilarious spoof of MacGruber with himself, and gives him advice. Funny, only due to Jericho.
2 1/2 /5
Vladimir Kozlov Vs MacGruber. Ryan Phillipe finally shows up and says he got off the phone with the WWE offices, and this is now a Handicap match. Great Khali is out. Pathetic stuff here all around, this MacGruber is a train wreck!. Gruber wins by count out.
Triple H&Edge&Rey Mysterio Vs The SES&Chris Jericho. Fun match up here, but not near enough to save this abomination of a show. All of them looked good, but Triple H's ego got in the way again getting an unnecessary pin.
Bottom line. This was a train wreck plain and simple. I didn't think Raw could get any worse, but it has. I won't bitch that much again, as long as I don't get MacGruber anymore!.
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