Jupiter Jones was born under a night sky, with signs predicting that she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people's houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine Wise, a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along - her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos. Written by
The name of the "pilot" of the good guys' spaceship is "Nesh", a shortening of the Hindu god, Ganesha. See more »
When Jupiter is having the seal tattooed on her arm it is just below the cuff of (near her elbow). When she removes her arm it has moved a couple of inches down her arm towards her wrist. See more »
Technically speaking, I'm an alien. And from the perspective of Immigration, an illegal one. My parents met at the University in Saint Petersburg, where he taught Astrophysics, and she taught Applied Mathematics. My mother fell in love with him when she found him almost frozen to death on the bank of the Neva, staring up at the stars.
See more »
The opening logos for Warner Brothers Pictures, Village Roadshow Pictures, and Rat-Pac Dune Entertainment are shown as solid gold with fancy engraving highlights. See more »
Fellow detractors, I address the millions of you, let's grant them the vacuous character development that is quintessential within this genre. Please, you thought the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy had great acting and character development? I was amazed Hayden Christenson had the power of speech. I still think he might have been generated by CGI. Readers, do me a big favor, watch the first few minutes of Outland. See what happens to a human body, or even half wolf half man exposed to zero pressure atmosphere. See, it is not just the frozen temperature, our atmosphere presses our veins down into our skin. Without atmospheric pressure, your veins swell, distend and then explode. I swear, in Guardians Of The Lobotomites, we saw Tape Boy, without that incredibly protective face mask, out in space for five minutes with a slight bit of frost about him. Here Wolf Boy is in the vacuum for three minutes, flies hanging on to the ship going through the wormhole. See, this is not suspension of disbelief; this is mental retardation. I will grant you both the vacuous acting and skin deep characterization. The script itself is proof of Spencer's Theory Of Reverse Evolution. He thought after a certain period evolution reverses backwards.
How many people were shooting at Wolf Boy and his hyper rectum gas boots? Then an entire fleet of ships were unable to get him? Oh, he rammed the last one, sorry, my bad. Does his posterior emit some kind of chili gas shield we cannot see? That must be why is voice is inflection free, all his energy is redirected into emitting a gas shield all about him. Jupiter's family: brothers, when you put the bong down, here is a tip. Dramatic contrast can be achieved without making her family disgusting, dirty, gross looking, loathsome Neanderthals. Now, why is Bean's house filled with bee hives? It did not have anything to do with her effect on bees did it? Yes, what a coincidence, did the person that wrote this recover from that massive stroke? Did they get the bullet out of the lobe of the brain that controls writing? Yes, sore throat boy lives in a shielded refinery in the middle of winds that rotate at nearly 600 miles per hour. Now, if you had the technology to locate in the Jovian atmosphere why would you pick an area whose winds shred you to pieces whenever some Wolf Boy decides to do a kamikaze attack on you? Do you think the designers might have anticipated that before building it? They have no weapons firing up at attacking ships?
See, I think people who think this is brilliant should let me know when they go out driving. I want to wait until later, just to be safe. Characters, who are ageless, that trust mendacious royals with a level of stupidity one usually finds in a day care center? Yes, Titus, do we think he is lying to her? Gee, do you think Wolf Boy and Janus can believe his offer? Oh, he betrayed them!! How'd that happen, he seemed so sincere? I gave the movie three stars for the best effects in any movie equaled commensurately with the worst acting, writing and directing. It is perfectly symmetrical. Now, I know Wolf Boy's Gas Skates said they erase the fact they took out like half a city; could the party pooper ask one small query? Forgive me, is this 1921? How fast would the city having been blown to crap be all around the world on the internet, cable and satellite?
The movie is why I am a theistic existentialist and not a Christian. Believe me, the Deity did use evolution, do not believe me? Watch this movie, please, have mercy. Do these people vote? Time for that synaptic scanner before registration please before we all get killed by these atavists. Wolf Boy, I know ladies, he sets your pants ablaze. Well, if you date him, I would drive the car if I were you. Keep him away from anything flammable. Yes, no shirt and no brain either. I haven't seen that glassy eyed stare since I visited intensive care. The movie is not the problem; the people who see Solaris or 2001 here; that is the scary part. Please, put down the comic book and open a real book. Intergalactic Pile Of Gigantic, Steaming, Stinking Poop.
101 of 168 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?