- Tina Fey - Host: There's no such thing as an Oscar curse. The curse is that there are people like 'Bombshell' McGee walking around. I know we shouldn't judge people based on their appearance, but when your body looks like a dirt bag's binder from seventh-grade metal shop, it doesn't bode well for your character.
- Tina Fey - Host: Seth the world is full of whores. For every Sandra Bullock there is a lady who got a tattoo on her forehead because she ran out of room on her labia. For every Elin Nordegrin there's a Hooters waitress who spells Jamie with two "E"s and a star.
- Tina Fey - Host: Things are hard enough for women as it is. For example, on my way here today I had to stop and get my leg and pubic hair ripped out so that I could wear a hooker costume later in a sketch that won't even air. Did you have to do that today Seth?
- Weekend Update Anchor: I didn't have to. But I did.