After ISIS loses yet another lucrative contract to rival agency ODIN, Malory assigns Archer and Lana to embarrass ODIN by stealing a priceless diamond from their biggest client.




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Episode cast overview:
Sterling Archer (voice)
Len Trexler (voice)
Cheryl Tunt (voice)
Pam Poovey (voice)
Cyril Figgis (voice)
Ray Gillette (voice)
Lana Kane (voice)
Malory Archer (voice)
Doctor Krieger (voice)


The Uffizi disaster moved ISIS off the security consultant work for foreign powers and governments, so when ISIS gets a job in San Marino, Malory sends her two best agents. The pair test palace security for the wealthy microstate (or principality, depending on one's view). When mudak, Len Trexler, steals the San Marino contract for ODIN, Malory commits three phrasing errors in a row. Commence "Operation Rub Len Trexler's Big Fat Nose In It!" Days of Oktoberfest with gallons of schuetzie, Jagermeister, beer and absinthe cannot disguise a tiny champagne-colored thingamabob or labor issues at ISIS. Ill-equipped and stranded, Archer and Lana strike forth to make the diamond hot, but it is all bread and roses, entitlement crap and collective bargaining at ISIS. With a finite quantity of gin and Archer's fate in the hands of the drones, will Malory finally crumble to Labor? It may be all muffins and denial, but can you really put a price on good...personnel? Written by LA-Lawyer

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Release Date:

4 March 2010 (USA)  »

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Did You Know?


When the ISIS employees are discussing unionizing in the lab, one wall of storage bins prominently features the following contents: (top) AIR TOOLS, S.A.E. WRENCHES, CUFF DARTS, PLIERS, ACID; (middle) HAMMERS, POISON, PINCHERS OF PERIL, EXIT, BEER; (bottom) TAP & DIE, GUNS, HOPES, DREAMS, LABELS, RECEIPTS. See more »


When the staffers organize the emergency extraction, the land portions of the digital map used by Krieger are labeled with German place names ('Florenz', 'Golf von Venedig') and the sea parts in English ('Adriatic', (Ligurian) Sea'). 'Livorne' and 'Capri' are spelled wrong (Livorno, Carpi). See more »


[first lines]
Sterling Archer: Shh!
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References Deliverance (1972) See more »


Archer Theme Song
Written by Scott Sims
Performed by Scott Sims
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User Reviews

Muffins and Diamonds
30 October 2015 | by (United States) – See all my reviews

If they can steal an enormous diamond, Archer and Lana will embarrass the opposition. It's impossible for either of them to be quiet and they are discovered. Meanwhile, there is unrest in the ranks. Cyril wants to give Lana a diamond and ask her to marry him. The one he buys is microscopic because he, like all the others, are paid terribly. The drones decide to go on strike and disable any effort for the secret agents to get the big rock. Mallory is locked in an elevator as the strikers attempt extortion to get a cost of living raise. Mallory continues to resist, even though her son could be killed. This episode is not as funny as some. There are a series of guesses as they try to remember the name of the captain. Archer chimes in with Crunch and Kangaroo.

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