Melanie Moretti: Airplane mirrors aren't accurate, are they?
Joy Scroggs: Of course not.
Victoria Chase: They get them from fun houses.
Melanie Moretti: What if he's missing me too and Los Angeles was filled with so many sad memories he's flying to Paris to fill a void in his life? What if this is *our* meet on top of the Empire State Building moment?
Joy Scroggs: Have you been watching Sleepless in Seattle again?
Melanie Moretti: No! Yes. But I got it down to once a month.
Victoria Chase: You know, I was up for a part in that movie.
Joy Scroggs: Course you were.
Melanie Moretti: [about her ex] I haven't even gone on a date yet and he's taking his fiancee to Paris. And she's so *young*. She's half my age.
Victoria Chase: Mel, darling, that really isn't that young.
Melanie Moretti: My *fake* age!
Victoria Chase: Oh my God, she's a child!
Joy Scroggs: I say we kill him and make his underage whore watch.
Joy Scroggs: This is why the internet was invented; for men to find pictures of naked celebrities and women to cyber-stalk the men they trust.
Victoria Chase: [comforting Melanie after telling her her date is married] Honey, what can we do?
Joy Scroggs: Let's kill him!
Melanie Moretti: That's your solution to everything.
Joy Scroggs: Well, could we just try it once?
Joy Scroggs: You're not old. Forty's the new twenty-five.
Victoria Chase: I thought forty was the new thirty.
Joy Scroggs: Well, if we're just going to make crap up, I'd rather be twenty-five.
Joy Scroggs: Let me ask you something. What's the deal with old ladies and track suits?
Elka Ostrovsky: Well, it's simple: in your twenties you dress for men, in your forties you dress for success, in your eighties you dress for a bathroom.
Joy Scroggs: Does anyone else smell pot?
Elka Ostrovsky: What are you, a cop?
Joy Scroggs: No.
Elka Ostrovsky: Then what's it to you?
Melanie Moretti: He showed me all around Cleveland, and I'm telling you it's nothing like we think. They have symphonies and museums and light opera - OK, so nobody really likes those things, but they have 'em.
Joy Scroggs: So, are you OK, Mel?
Melanie Moretti: Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. I'm good and you guys have a very early flight tomorrow, so please, just go to Paris and have a wonderful time.
Joy Scroggs: I don't know. Somehow I can't seem to get excited about Paris any more. No Melanie.
Victoria Chase: You know, Joy... instead of two weeks in Paris, we could spend two weeks in Cleveland; I mean, the Paris of Ohio.
Elka Ostrovsky: No, that's Toledo.
Joy Scroggs: So what should we do now?
Melanie Moretti: I say we go to that bar where the men think we're hot.
Elka Ostrovsky: I'll drive!