Dr. Ian Sussman: [Disparagingly to Alan] Blogging is not writing. It's just graffiti with punctuation.
Dave: My wife makes me take off my clothes in the garage. Then she leaves out a bucket of warm water and some soap. And then she douses everything in hand sanitizer after I leave. I mean, she's overreacting, right?
Dr. Erin Mears: Not really. And stop touching your face, Dave.
Dr. Ellis Cheever: When was the last time you ate something that didn't come from a vending machine?
Dr. Erin Mears: [Hesitantly] Taco Bell
Dr. Erin Mears: Somewhere in the world, the wrong pig met up with the wrong bat.
First Haz-Mat: [Putting a body in a mass grave] When did we run out of body bags?
Second Haz-Mat: Two days ago.
Dr. Ellis Cheever: Someone doesn't have to weaponize the bird flu.The birds are doing that.
Jory Emhoff: [Rhetorically] Why can't they invent a shot that keeps time from passing?
Alan Krumwiede: Godzilla, King Kong, Frankenstein all in one.