Jeff Winger: *Checkmate Bitches!*
[along with Troy and Abed, shoots Chess Team]
Jeff Winger: And tell the Drama Club their tears will be real today.
Britta Perry: Oh my God, you've been hit!
Jeff Winger: What? Oh no!
[checks red stain]
Jeff Winger: Wait, wait... it's blood.
Jeff Winger: I thought it was paint but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!
Jeff Winger: [after waking from an hour-long nap, he wakes up to the school seemingly empty and paint-splattered. He stumbles upon a paint-splattered guy sitting on the ground] What is going on?
Garrett: The-the paintball game was-was s-starting, and the-the dean, the dean announced the-the prize. *The prize!* We-we turned on each other like-like animals!
Jeff Winger: What was the prize?
Garrett: *Was?* This is not over! This is still happening! *Right now!*
[Get's shot by Leonard]
Jeff Winger: Leonard? Leonard! I'm not playing!
Leonard: *Everyone's playing!*
[Shirley is "killed" in the paintball battle]
Shirley Bennett: [sadly] I'm going home.
Britta Perry: [sadly] Yes, you are.
Shirley Bennett: No, seriously. I'm going home. Can you help me up?
Shirley Bennett: They remind me of Sam and Diane. I hated Sam and Diane.
Annie Edison: Who are Sam and Diane?
Shirley Bennett: All right, we get it. You're young.
Annie Edison: Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
Jeff Winger: There is no Britta and Jeff!
Pierce Hawthorne: He said, fully erect.
Troy Barnes: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Shirley Bennett: Mmm-hmm. Our team's walking with God.
Troy Barnes: I'm thinking we may already be the only seven left. In which case, this is a window for the two of us to take out the others.
Shirley Bennett: Real nice, Troy. That would great PR for the black students.
Troy Barnes: I'm not an ambassador. I am a gladiator. Now, do you want to win or not?
[Troy gets shot]
Shirley Bennett: Troy made God mad!
Disco Stu: Study group! Come out and play-ee-ay
Jeff Winger: Oh, look! It's post-ironic Disco Stu! You still trying to bring it back?
[Sees more disco-clad people on quad skates roll in]
Jeff Winger: Damn. He brought it back.
Abed Nadir: [Hears singing in the distance] Glee club.
Britta Perry: How do you know it's the Glee Club?
Abed Nadir: Listen.
Annie Edison: [Hears them sing a rendition of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar] Oh, brother!
Annie Edison: That is *so* uninspired!
Jeff Winger: I'm not so sure...
Abed Nadir: Come with me if you don't want paint on your clothes.
Pierce Hawthorne: You guys formed an alliance without me?
Jeff Winger: Yeah. You with Star-Burns?
Pierce Hawthorne: Not if I can be with you.
Pierce Hawthorne: It's okay, it's just Star-Burns.
Britta Perry: Shirley, I'm gonna win that prize for you and your boys!
Shirley Bennett: That's nice.
Jeff Winger: Shirley, I'm gonna win that prize, but not for you or your boys!
Shirley Bennett: That's less nice.
Jeff Winger: Don't tell me you had sex with me just to win at paintball.
Britta Perry: No. I had sex with you and I'm going to win at paintball. Don't be gross.
Dean Pelton: [after Jeff shoots his office] You get it all out of your system?
Jeff Winger: [laughs] Almost.
[Pulls a paintgun from behind his back and shoots Pelton in the forehead]
Dean Pelton: What do you want from me, Jeffrey?
Jeff Winger: Guess.
[the study group is pinned down by the glee club]
Jeff Winger: Pierce! Do NOT come over here!
Pierce Hawthorne: Screw you! I'm coming over there!
[Pierce crawls out from behind cover and gets hit multiple times]
Pierce Hawthorne: Medic!