- Elena Gilbert: [sarcastically] He's fine.
- Stefan Salvatore: He's Damon.
- Elena Gilbert: Maybe this heartache will be good for him. It'll remind him that he has one, even if it doesn't beat.
- Stefan Salvatore: Won't hold my breath.
- Damon Salvatore: [sitting down at the bar, next to Alaric] Behold the teacher. Don't you have some papers to grade?
- Alaric Saltzman: It's, uh, more fun with a buzz.
- Damon Salvatore: Well, most things in life are. Sober's... depressing.
- Elena Gilbert: So, I found out who my birth mother is.
- Damon Salvatore: Ugh, who cares? She left you. She sucks.
- Stefan Salvatore: There was a woman you may have known a few years back named Isobel. In North Carolina, at Duke.
- Damon Salvatore: You want to discuss the women of my past right now, seriously?
- Stefan Salvatore: You killed her.
- Damon Salvatore: What's your point?
- Stefan Salvatore: I just want to know if you remember anything about her.
- Damon Salvatore: It's like a needle in a haystack, Stefan.
- Stefan Salvatore: Well think hard, it's important.
- Damon Salvatore: [whispers in Stefan's ear] Nothing is important... not anymore.
- Wasted Girl: How do I taste?
- Damon Salvatore: So much better than the others. Shh, don't tell them. They might get jealous.
- Damon Salvatore: Do you know that I am one of Mystic Falls' most eligible bachelors?
- Elena Gilbert: Guh.
- Damon Salvatore: Yup.
- Elena Gilbert: [as Damon puts on his shirt] How are you doing?
- Damon Salvatore: Never better. What can I do for ya? I'm a barrel of favors today. I have found purpose. How can I help you?
- Elena Gilbert: I'm just needing Stefan. We're going to the fundraiser.
- Damon Salvatore: [fumbles with buttons] Ugh. Help a guy out, will you? I can't... get this...
- [the shirt is obviously too tight for his physique]
- Elena Gilbert: [assists] So, I found out who my birth mother is.
- Damon Salvatore: Ugh. Who cares? She left you. She sucks.
- Elena Gilbert: Stefan. There you are.
- Damon Salvatore: Ugh. I need a bigger tux.
- Stefan Salvatore: [appraising Damon's physique] Wow.
- Damon Salvatore: You know, the occasional sorority girl might, uhm... help fill you out a little bit.
- [walks out]
- Elena Gilbert: He's fine.
- Stefan Salvatore: He's Damon.
- Elena Gilbert: Maybe the heartache will be good for him. It will remind him that he has one, even if it doesn't beat.
- Stefan Salvatore: I won't hold my breath.
- Damon Salvatore: [getting over his sorrows] Good chat. I have to go and exploit some women in the name of grief. Which I'm sure you understand. TTFN, says the Tri-Dent.
- Caroline Forbes: [in front of TV as he watches sport] This is boring. I'm bored.
- Matt Donovan: Wow.
- [snickers]
- Caroline Forbes: But... we have this entire house to ourselves. I mean, it's practically a... bachelor pad.
- Matt Donovan: And...?
- Caroline Forbes: So... shouldn't we do something a little bit more... bachelor pad-y?
- [raises her brows]
- Matt Donovan: What? Something like this?
- [kisses her]
- Caroline Forbes: Something like that, yes.
- Matt Donovan: I don't know, this is a pretty good show.
- [playful grin as he reaches for remote control]
- Caroline Forbes: [giggling] Seriously?
- Damon Salvatore: [struggling to get dressed] Ugh, I need a bigger jacket.
- [the two lovers glance at him]
- Damon Salvatore: Wow,
- [to Stefan:]
- Damon Salvatore: You know, an occasional sorority girl might, uhm, you know, help fill you out a little bit.