Sharon: Jeff, what do you do in the basement? You're not cleaning it.
Jeff: You really want to know? You didn't like it last time we had this conversation.
Sharon: Okay no, you're right, I don't.
Jeff: Why can't you just tell her the truth?
Pat: Are you kidding? Do you know anything about adult relationships?
[first title card]
Title Card: Everyone and everything is interconnected in this universe. Stay pure of heart and you will see the signs. Follow the signs, and you will uncover your destiny. -Jeff
Jeff: I watched "Signs" again last night.
[Jeff sits watching television, eating a Pop-Tart]
TV Announcer: [off-screen] We'll be right back with that rescue tale of local councilman Kevin Landry and his two little girls. All that and more when we come back.
Jeff: You know what? I have a asshole for a brother and it breaks my heart.
Pat: And what is this, a sex board?