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88 out of 101 people found the following review useful:

I couldn't give it a zero.

Author: Andrew Gold from United States
17 May 2015

This movie is terrible. Honestly, can you be surprised? It's a movie that's been remade and rebooted a hundred times, who can expect the new "sequel" released the first week of January to be good? I mean I saw this movie on Netflix smashed out of my skull and honestly I just wanted to see some cool kills, fun campiness, a little tittage, and maybe, just maybe, passable acting and a decent story to hold it together. I got none of those with Texas Chainsaw 3D. Not a one.

Boobs are teased all throughout the movie but it's all tease and no show. That's a weird way to start the review but I mean why in the hell would you put a ton of clear ass shots whenever these girls are walking around and not throw in a couple nip slips? Ugh, whatever.

I really can't go down the checklist because everything about this movie is awful. Every single goddamn thing. I won't spoil anything but they butcher Leatherface in this movie, even more than they did in other remakes. But this is actually a "sequel" which makes it even more f*cking stupid. They show footage of the original film at the beginning as if to give a recap of its "predecessor" and you start off like "okay they're doing something different at least" but within the first ten minutes it gets so unbelievably dumb. It's an achievement how dumb this movie is, really. Even Leatherface deserves better than this.

I'll sum up the plot as quickly as possible: The pretty eyed slut from True Detective (Alexandra Daddario) inherits a house from her grandmother who was there during the massacre of Leatherface's family 20 years ago or something, because pretty eyes was the baby that survived the massacre, which makes her Leatherface's cousin. But Leatherface survived the massacre too and doesn't know this girl even exists. So she and her friends decide to go to the house but of course Leatherface is still there up to his usual shenanigans, and the body count ensues. But in a peculiar turn of events, on the way to the house they pick up a hitchhiker that looks like an Abercrombie & Fitch model (a clear homage to the first film) and when they get to the house, the hot chick and her dumb friends realize they forgot something or for some stupid reason they have to leave. So this idiot girl who was blessed with this gorgeous million dollar mansion from out of nowhere, lets the hitchhiker HOUSESIT after knowing the guy for a whole FIVE F*CKING MINUTES. I can't stress enough how dumb this movie is.

So then I started watching Texas Chainsaw as a comedy, and I gotta admit, I got a few good belly laughs. The acting is hysterical, the dialogue is even more ridiculous, the 3D attempts are hilariously awful - almost every scene in this movie is comedy gold. I would give it a high score as a spoof but this movie clearly is trying to be serious, which makes it all the more sad (and funny... but sad). The lead actress is blatantly just there as eye candy. She can't act worth sh*t. And guess what. She's the best actor in the movie!

Maybe it's just because I watched this after The Babadook, I don't know, but I really really hated this movie. The writing is some of the worst I've ever seen in a movie. I guess it holds some merit as a "horror" comedy, assuming you can get past the fact that there are no scares, no boobs, no worthwhile gore, no good kills, no good actors, no suspense, no {insert anything else required for a good horror movie}.

In conclusion, Texas Chainsaw 3D sucks balls. It's just a disgrace to horror films and is the epitome of everything wrong with the genre today. It's an abysmal, horrific, blasphemous, piece of sh*t, Hollywood fartpile of a movie. F*ck you Texas Chainsaw. F*ck you with a chainsaw right up the ass.

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124 out of 213 people found the following review useful:

I already forgot about it

Author: Jason Marsh from United States
4 January 2013

Pure garbage. They set the movie in 2012, 39 years after the original. The only character that aged was the Sheriff. The main character was a baby in 1973 but is miraculously only about 22 or 23 in 2012 (which they clearly display on a grave stone, 2012). Also in 2012 smart phones can stream live HD video in real time over a call. I wonder how much their data plan is? Which, by the way, brought the film from ridiculous to absurd especially given that streaming the video served no purpose in the story or the scene. A speaker phone would have sufficed and my disbelief would not have been called back from suspension. So yeah, those are just TWO of the myriad issues this movie has. This was worse than the remake, by far. There isn't a film maker in the world who could make a good sequel to the original, even Tobe Hooper couldn't do it and HE directed the original. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) is a perfect film, it needs no more exposition, but this is the era of the retro cash grab. So everything cool from the 70's and 80's gets dragged out and crapped on for the youth market and they think the winks and nods to the source material will tickle us old fans nostalgia gland. Well screw you Hollywood. It doesn't. It's lazy film making. What I paid 10 bucks for was nothing more than a 1sr draft script chock full of slasher clichés and inept story telling. You know what made the original so brilliant? It wasn't about anything! It was simple, I dare say even plausible. But this movie BEGAN in implausible territory and only sank deeper into the abyss. Stay away if you have a brain. CGI gore, 'nough said. The 3D was not even adding any degree of anything, it was more distracting than anything, which is more the format, 3D just sucks.

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77 out of 141 people found the following review useful:

So Disappointed.

Author: megdomes92 from Buffalo
5 January 2013

Being the extremely huge Leatherface fan that I am, I have been looking forward to seeing this movie since the first posters came out. Literally have been counting down the days. I rushed to the theater on opening night super excited because the Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D facebook page shared a lot of information about the making of the movie and I expected it to be the best one yet. HOWEVER....

I was so unbelievably disappointed in this movie it sickens me.

If someone didn't know anything about the previous TCM movies, they would think this was just your everyday horny teenager horror movie. I believed that the TCM movies were always better than that, but now my opinion has changed.

The movie started out good, and had some good background information to later understand the present scenes. However, once we met the main characters of the movie it was obvious that it wasn't going to meet my expectations. And the fact that Trey Sonz was in this movie(even though his acting skills WERE better than I expected) totally ruined it for me. Also the makers of the movie made a huge error with the the main character's age (should be at least 40.) The killings were not that severe, the only 3D parts were with the chainsaw (which didn't even happen that much), and Leatherface was turned into this sweet character that you began to feel bad for. And don't even get me started on how Heather was acting at the end of the movie.

The whole story line was completely changed. During the first half of the movie it is just like the other TCM movies, but the last half turns into some weird love/family reuniting story which I absolutely hated. Plus the other movies really portrayed the fact that the movie was based off a true story. This new TCM makes it seem more like a fantasy horror movie. It's all just very confusing and makes me feel like a woman with a glass of wine wrote the story line.

See for yourself if you like but if you are a die hard TCM fan like I WAS, then I highly expect you to be disappointed and don't spend money on it. Thank god I got movie theater gift cards for Christmas...

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32 out of 53 people found the following review useful:

Ludicrous 3rd Act

Author: jamdifo from United States
5 January 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

First the positives:

1. The movie moves quickly, it doesn't drag, so edited well. 2. The middle part is half decent and what you expect for this series. 3. The female lead and her friend are very attractive. 4. Decent special effects. 5. Nice highlights from the original movie at the beginning.


1. Where did all these family members come from that wasn't in the 1st movie? Terrible answer to what happened after the woman escaped. 2. Are you really suppose to feel sympathy for a family who killed 4 people in the 1st movie and implied they killed countless others? They deserved to be shot and burned but the movie says it was wrong. 3. Why is everyone a jerk in the movie? One guy steals, 2 people cheat, people abusive, lying, etc. Only the boyfriend of the lead actress's friend wasn't, and he was the most brutally killed. Come to think of it, the mayor wasn't either, he did what had to be done, and he was the 2nd most brutally killed. Too bad the movie thought he was a jerk. 4. Too many clichés like the officer going to the house and not waiting for BACKUP! Guess what happened to him. 5. Tombstone scene showing grandma died in 2012, meaning 39 years after the 1st movie, yet no one aged that much. Eating human meat must keep the body young as Leatherface at 60 something moves awfully well. 6. This must be the only carnival in Texas that no one carries a gun. Also, amazingly, Leatherface doesn't cut anyone with the chainsaw moving thru the crowded carnival. 7. A van with a cut tire flipping over. That doesn't happen. 8. A sheriff who believes in equal rights for serial killers. Just absurd. 9. Terrible ending. Trying to have sympathy for Leatherface? How did anyone think that was a good idea? He's suppose to be scary! 10. Lead actress who suddenly forgets Leatherface killed her good friend and boyfriend, and now loves him because he's her cousin. Terrible! 11. How does a sheriff lose a deputy, see on video 3 cut up bodies, and just tell Leatherface to clean up his mess? Fire the script supervisor! 12. Leave evidence out so someone else can look thru it. Always the incompetent police dept. If that were true today, the US would still be like the wild west. 13. Have to take care of Leatherface? Let the cannibal rot. 14. If it wasn't for the thief, would Leatherface ever have gotten out of the house? How did he survive when Grandma died? 15. CGI gore, not that great.

I could go on, but too many more negatives, I'm done. I see why this came out the 1st weekend of the new year.

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25 out of 41 people found the following review useful:

Probably the worst movie I've ever seen

Author: mortonzhou
21 May 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I love horror flicks. I thought the 2003 remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a pretty decent horror film. Not amazing, but entertaining nonetheless.

This version of Texas Chainsaw caught my attention in the beginning. Giving a flashback sequence to the original Sawyer family members being killed. Things just went downhill after that. Every character in this movie seems to lack a brain and/or is a complete a**hole. On top of that... there was no nudity. I mean c'mon.. what's a horror film without some nudity?! Just to name a few of many things that made this movie bad:

Farnsworth a.k.a. the KFC Colonel didn't think it'd be important to tell Heather, there was a 6"5' lunatic living in a hidden basement of her inherited house.

Even after all of Heather's friends are brutally murdered by Leatherface, whom she discovers to be her cousin, she feels sorry for him and loves him because he's "family." Screw that noise... ALL of her friends are dead because of him. It's not even like he's a close relative. She doesn't even know him. One minute she's scared sh**less of him and the next she loves him AND helps him kill a couple more people?? Are we supposed to believe that her thought process was: "Oh, hey Cuz, you just knocked me out in the kitchen, almost cut me up with a chainsaw in a coffin, tried killing me by flipping our van, chased me through a carnival with a chainsaw forcing me to hang on to a Ferris Wheel for my life AND killed all of my friends. But that's all okay.. I forgive you because we're family. Now I'm going to help you kill people and take care of you for the rest of my life." All I could say was... Seriously... wtf just happened.

Towards the end, the sheriff was the only character I liked up because he seemed to have a brain... Surprise!!! He's an idiot too! He decides not to shoot Leatherface even after he killed five people in just one night because he feels bad for him. His family died because they were a bunch of murders.... boo hoo. Are we supposed to feel bad for Leatherface??? I sure don't. Yet the makers seemed to think "let's try to get the audience to feel bad for him." Last time I checked, Leatherface was a scary serial killer. You're not supposed to feel bad for them. We, as the audience of a slasher film, have no interest in feeling bad for him. We want to be afraid of him. It is a HORROR film after all.

In summary. The plot and character development make absolutely zero sense... to the point where it makes you cringe. No thought was put into this movie. Seems like the makers knew Texas Chainsaw fans would go watch this movie so they didn't care to put effort into making it a good one. Don't waste your time and definitely not your money watching this movie. If you want to watch a Texas Chainsaw movie that isn't incredibly old. Go watch the 2003 version. Not a great movie... But it's still (approximately) a million times better than this garbage.

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52 out of 99 people found the following review useful:

Utterly ridiculous...and not in a good way.

Author: Damion J. Rowan from Montreal, Canada
4 January 2013

I walked into "Texas Chainsaw" with my usual tempered expectation when seeing a horror film. We all know that maybe one out of ten releases nowadays is actually good and scary...if we're lucky. And seeing as this one was dumped on the first Friday of the year, it didn't bode well for great expectations from Lionsgate. However, it was distributed by, well, Lionsgate.

Alas, the umpteenth sequel to the 1974, although based on a great concept, is a fail.

Despite the many follow-up films on the subject, this film is, in a round-about way, a sequel to the 2003 remake of the 1974 original. The original was directed by Tobe Hooper, and Hooper himself helped produce not only this film but the 2003 remake (which inexplicably changed the family name of the murderous family) and the 2006 prequel, but the current film actually uses scenes from the 1974 original (and the original family name of Sawyer) as it's jumping-off point, which gave the film some instant weight for fans of the franchise.

However, the weight was lifted real quick.

In short, right after the events of the original film, some of the residents of the town of Newt, Texas burn down the house where the original massacre occurred with the entire Sawyer clan inside, but not without one baby surviving the inferno. Said baby grows up never knowing what had happened until she randomly receives word that her long lost grandmother has passed on and left her with an inheritance, resulting in the realization that her abusive parents are not her birth parents. She leaves to check out what she has received, but not without some friends coming along (of course)....and picking up the atypical Texas Chainsaw hitchhiker in the process. Needless to say, the inheritance came with something a little bit unusual, carnage sorta ensues and what could have been a great twist is ruined by the sheer implausibility of the execution of the story.

And that is ultimately where the issues with this film the details. Never mind little stupid things like the fact that the house burning down at the beginning of the film happened on August 19th and somehow, the newspaper which reported the story was also dated August 19th (rather than the 20th). It's the major implausible details like four friends leaving a mansion full of silver to get groceries to be "cleaned up" by a hitchhiker they just picked up or the fact that a rotting corpse is randomly found by Heather Miller, the inheritor, and then never once mentioned again. As the story unfolds, it completely falls apart and you risk missing something unimportant because you are too busy rolling your eyes or wondering how a character went from A to B or from caring to not caring. The story just ended up not making any sense.

Why RnB artist Trey Songz chose this train wreck to launch his acting career is beyond me, but his character is as unoriginal as his music. Other than Songz, the cast is mainly made up by mediocre, little-known television actors not worth mentioning except with the inclusion Shaun Sipos as the hitchhiker and Scott Eastwood (yes, son of Clint who, until recently, went by the name Scott Reeves) as a police officer, both of whom are absolutely excellent eye candy.

So, was I entertained? Well, I wasn't BORED...but this film is definitely a fail in terms of plot and execution and wasn't even so bad it's good. But if you do decide to see it, do not pay extra for 3D if you do not have to but do wait for the end of the credits to get a good grin.

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19 out of 34 people found the following review useful:

every cliché in modern horror movies rolled up into a painful hour and a half

Author: tbmforclasstsar from United States
5 January 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

John Luessenhop's Texas Chainsaw 3D is a bad, bad movie. You know this. I know this. Unfortunately the producers and studio that backed this latest incarnation of Tobe Hooper's original genre-creating slasher film ignored what we, the audience, already knew, and decided to milk the franchise-cow for the sixth (and hopefully, final) time.

This new reimagining (as Hollywood likes to call it) starts off promising with archive footage of the original film. That was the first five minutes. After that, the movie spirals into unexplained and implausible territory, asking its audience not only to suspend disbelief, but disregard it completely.

The 2012 version of Texas Chainsaw is a direct sequel of the original, with the prologue taking place in 1974. Vigilantes show up at the infamous Sawyer home where the murders of several young adults literally just happened and proceed to torch it to the ground in a fit of vengeance. Amongst the chaos, a young Sawyer woman with an infant is found hiding in the garage. Then, in a laughably inane act of kindness followed by harsh brutality, one of the vigilantes saves the baby girl and randomly kicks the Sawyer woman square in the face.

If there was anything 2011's The Cabin in the Woods has taught us, it's that ridiculously attractive young adults will always venture out to parts unknown for no reason and behave in ways normal human beings would never agree to in real life given eerie circumstances.

Cut to Heather Mills (starring Alexandra Daddario's midriff and breasts). She finds out she inherited a home in Texas after her previously unknown grandma passed away while simultaneously discovering she's adopted. Usually this would tear at the soul of a normal person, being lied to your entire life by people you thought were your parents, but no. Heather's first instinct is to collect on her inheritance by dragging along her boyfriend, Ryan (Tremaine 'Trey Songz' Neverson), her best friend, Nicole (Tania Raymonde), and Nicole's boy toy (Keram Malicki-Sanchez) on an impromptu road trip. Along the way, they pick up a hitchhiker named Darryl (Shaun Sipos), apparently to add to the inevitable body count.

Texas Chainsaw fails to mention the time discrepancy as the original film took place in the 1970s and this new film clearly states it's 2012. Heather should be pushing 40, but no bother. In a movie like this, the only thing that matters is the gore, the scantily clad women, and the infamy of the original.

To read the rest of the review (IMDb form too short) visit: chainsaw-3d/

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8 out of 13 people found the following review useful:


Author: snakes3992 from United States
29 January 2013

What a f**king load of sh*t, this doesn't act like it takes place in the 90's, nice try I saw the Iphone, don't try to fool me. The characters are awful, including the main character, "Heather," she is one of the stupidest character I've ever seen in this film. The dialogue in this film is awful; every line in this film is stupid, "fruitcake" come on that has got to be the lamest line I ever heard in my entire life, and the writing, OH GOD, THE WRITING!!! The writing is so awful, they try to make Leatherface a hero, (facepalm), he's a f**king slasher, not a f**king hero. The kills are awful in this movie; they repeat the same kills over and over again. The worst thing in this movie is the direction, OH GOD, THE DIRECTION!!! The directing is awful, every kill is poorly shot, and it has some of the worst 3D shots I ever seen, they just do it right in your face. The only good thing about this film is seeing the footage of the 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre, that's the only good thing about this film, the rest of it, just awful, do yourself a favor don't see this film at all, it's not worth it.

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29 out of 55 people found the following review useful:

A bad film is a bad film

Author: mr-rob-black from New Zealand
14 May 2013

I like the idea of this film, go back to the original and continue. The idea is exciting after a bunch of mediocre sequel/prequels.

This movie is good for around ten minutes... and then you are introduced to the main actors (if you can call them that).

They look good, hot bodies and the camera man definitely focuses on cleavage and butt shots.

That is the only positive I can find.

The negative: There is no talent, the actors have no chemistry, the idea is wasted but worst of all there is no pace to the story, no suspense or anything of the original movie that made it good.

Avoid at all cost.

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2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:

"Do your thing, cuz!"

Author: Toby Richard
15 July 2016

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Even on second viewing three and a half years later, the above line is still one of the most cringe-worthy I have ever heard.

I rated 'Texas Chainsaw' 2/10 back in January 2013 and I stand by my rating after watching it a second time. Even though it looks good, has a creepy atmosphere (at least in and around grandma's house) and some nice splatter scenes to offer plus a beautiful lead actress (Alexandra Daddario) going for it, this movie is an absolute mess.

First off, a real problem with 'Texas Chainsaw' is the fact that it takes place in the present but still is supposed to be a direct sequel to the original 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (1974). We know that the events in the first movie took place in 1973 and Heather was a little baby at that time. 'Texas Chainsaw' supposedly takes place in October of 2012 (grandma's day of death is September 29, 2012 according to her tombstone). That would make Heather 39 but she looks to be in her early twenties at the most. We see a number of townspeople and the sheriff in the scenes that take place in 1973 and they don't look much older later on in the present-day scenes, let alone 40 years older.

So when you watch the movie and do the math, you probably come to the conclusion that the movie must be taking place in 1993 or something. Heather's boyfriend drives an old Volkswagen bus and there are no cellphones or computers to be seen. The early '90s scenario seems plausible for about half of the movie until one of the sheriff's guys pulls out an iPhone and live streams his search of grandma's house. Now the timeline is completely ruined and the people who made 'Texas Chainsaw' knew it.

When you closely observe the movie, you will notice a few times when we see the date "August 19" but the year "1973" is not shown on purpose. One time we see the date on an old newspaper but the year is smudged out. Another time we see it on a tombstone but the year is obscured by grass. Very curious indeed. There is however one time where the complete date "08/18/1973" can be seen on a police report. That was probably overlooked. All this is distracting and it makes you wonder but I wouldn't consider it a major flaw if the movie was otherwise good. Nevertheless, it would have been a much better idea to have the movie take place in the early '90s to not mess up the continuity.

Another problem with 'Texas Chainsaw' are Heather's friends, who must be some of the most generic supporting characters ever. That's probably why they are killed off early on. The evil town people are not much better. The acting is mediocre at best but that is a relatively minor issue compared to the horrendous script with its thin and ludicrous plot.

It's incredible how anyone would approve a script that constitutes Leatherface's murderous family as victims of the bad townspeople. It is completely ridiculous that Leatherface, a notorious mindless murder machine, in this installment of the series is depicted as a poor backward guy who is just out for a little revenge on the people who did him and his family wrong years ago. Sure, he kills mostly just innocent people on his way to revenge, but he doesn't know any better, right? Insanity! Leatherface always was a cold-blooded killer, nothing else. He didn't have an agenda in the previous movies. He just killed. Period.

'Texas Chainsaw' tries to depict Leatherface as a kind of victim and fails badly at it. The fact that Heather bonds with cousin Leatherface the way it is shown here after he just chopped up all of her friends doesn't make sense at all. She actually begs the sheriff not to shoot poor Leatherface and what's even more unbelievable is that he complies. Yes, the sheriff indeed lets Leatherface go after he rampaged at the town fair, brutally murdered a couple of innocent people and gruesomely cut up one of the sheriff's own men.

Not enough lunacy? The sheriff just tells Heather and Leatherface to clean up the mess and walks away from the crime scene. What gives?! Nobody in their right mind would act like Heather and the sheriff do here. I tell you, nobody. Such a behavior is far from believable and almost an insult to anyone's intelligence. Maybe a plot as ridiculous as this would work if it was done as a horror comedy, but 'Texas Chainsaw' is dead serious and that makes it all the more bizarre.

The only scene that is really good is a very short one that comes after the closing credits: Heather's foster parents ring at her door talking about how much they love her now that she has money and then Leatherface comes out of the house swinging his chainsaw. Sure, it's a pretty stupid idea that Heather would actually let Leatherface kill off the people that raised her for many years even after finding out what they did, but the tongue-in-cheek way it is done in this short scene makes it really funny. Sadly, there is nothing of this funniness in the actual movie. I reckon the movie could have been much better if it was done in that over-the-top style similar to 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2' (1986).

'Texas Chainsaw' needs the audience to take a plot seriously that just can't be taken seriously and that is the big problem. It doesn't work. I'm sure most people have a facepalm-feeling at the end of the movie. I certainly would be surprised if you don't cringe when you hear "Do your thing, cuz!"

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