Marshall brought Ted to a college bar -- one of the last places in New York City you want to be, according to Old Ted (the others were Times Square on New Year's Eve and Rockerfeller Center around Christmastime). Marshall had to make sure his Skee-ball record at the bar was still intact, but Ted saw the name "Big Fudge" on the board. Marshall was Big Fudge. He'd also invited Jenkins, a lawyer at GNB who Marshall had told tons of stories about (one of which had Jenkins stripping on a table at a bar). Jenkins was the ultimate joker and Ted had pictured Jenkins in all the stories as an overweight dude.
That left Ted pretty confused when Barney showed up at the bar saying he wanted to "bang Jenkins." The confusion faded, though, when Jenkins walked in and Jenkins was a beautiful woman (played by Amanda Peet).
Marshall confessed to Ted the story of meeting Jenkins, who also happens to be from Minnesota and was a Vikings fan. Ted stopped him and wondered if Marshall had a thing for Jenkins. Marshall said he didn't, but explained that when he first told Lily stories about Jenkins, she assumed Jenkins was a guy and Marshall didn't correct her. Ted thought it wasn't a big deal, but then Marshall reminded him of the stories about Jenkins, which suddenly seemed hot (including the one in which Jenkins stripped on a table at a bar).
Robin showed up at the bar and one of Ted's students, Scotty, in awe. He said he recognized her from her show, even though Ted was convinced that no one watched it.
The next day Lily surprised Marshall at work while he was in a meeting with Jenkins. He quickly told Jenkins that Lily thought she was a guy. Jenkins agreed to play along and pretend to be someone else, but when Lily arrived Marshall quickly spilled, "She's Jenkins!"
Lily wasn't jealous at all. She shrugged and said, "Funny, I was picturing a guy." She told Marshall she never had to worry about him with another woman.
"Because we're so hopelessly in love, right?" Marshall asked.
"Yeah, sure," Lily said.
Marshall told Ted and Robin about this and they figured it made sense, because of Marshall's position in the relationship. Robin explained, "Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler." Ted went on to explain that one person reaches for someone out of their league and the other person settles for someone below theirs. Marshall balked at this, saying he didn't settle for Lily. But then he realized they thought he was the reacher. Robin continued explaining that the settler is never worried that the reacher will cheat.
Robin showed up to Ted's class and loudly announced herself and where she works, basking in her newly discovered fame. Most of Ted's students raised their hands when she asked who watches her show. After Robin left, the students explained to Ted that they watch for the drinking game. Since they're usually still awake, drinking, they do a shot every time Robin says, "but, umm."
Ted told Barney this and Barney began sharing his own drinking game based on Robin -- except his was literally on Robin ("I poured peach Schnapps in her belly button..." he explained. "She didn't like it, anyway. Said it woke her up."). That night, Ted and Barney decided to play the "but, umm" drinking game during Robin's show, and they were quickly completely hammered.
Marshall asked Lily what she thought of the "reacher-settler" theory and Lily said it was probably true in some cases, but not in their relationship. He asked if there was a gun to her head, would she say she was the reacher or settler. She refused to admit there was a reacher or settler in their relationship until Marshall set up the perfect scenario: "Our two kids, our eight grandkids, our 11 great-grandkids are all on a plane piloted by Oprah, and it's about to crash into a art museum with all of your favorite paintings, and the only way to save everything is just to answer the question: are you the reacher or the settler?"
"And Oprah's tried everything?" Lily asked.
"Everything!" Marshall said. "And you have to decide now."
"Well, I guess, if I had to say, then maybe I'd say ... I'm the settler," Lily said.
"How could you say that?!" Marshall shouted.
Marshall told the guys he had to make Lily jealous. Barney told him to sleep with Jenkins, but only after he did. Barney left to go get started on the plan. Ted told Marshall that Jenkins seemed to be into him when she saw him playing Skee-ball. Marshall decided that "Big Fudge" could probably get the job done.
Robin came and offered to help Ted make his lectures more exciting by giving it her "entertaining" twist. Ted quickly told her she's a drinking game. He told her about the "but, umm" game, and he told her that he and Barney played and he got super-wasted and threw up all over himself.
Marshall went to work and invited Jenkins to go to the college bar again and watch him polay Skee-ball. Before he could finish, she planted and kiss on him.
Marshall backed away, screaming in terror, and ran out of the office. Marshall went home and told Lily that Jenkins kissed him. He said he stopped it right away and Lily was the only one for him. She thought he was making up the story because of "the whole reacher-settler thing." He told her he wasn't making it up, and found himself having to convince Lily it was true.
"I'm so jealous," Lily said, faking an angry voice, "I'm just gonna go over there and punch her right in the nose, give her a knuckle sandwich."
Then she asked him if he wanted some soup.
Ted's student, Scotty, invited him to drink that night and play the Robin Sherbatsky drinking game. The game was off to a rocking start as Robin tried to stop herself from saying "but, umm" during an interview. Suddenly, Robin started to say "but, umm" over and over again, until the interviewee got up and left and she turned to the camera and said, "And if there are any college kids watching, but, umm; but, umm, but, umm; but, umm, but, umm." Ted tried to stop the students from falling for it, but Scotty handed him a shot and said, "We have to drink. It's the rules."
The next day at work, Jenkins apologized to Marshall for kissing him -- and for having sex with him in the mailroom. When he told her that wasn't him, she was confused and said, "That's two awkward conversations I'm going to have to have today."
She explained that she was really drunk, but she didn't know how that happened at 8 in the morning (cut to Jenkins at a bar playing the Robin Sherbatsky drinking game and realizing it was time to go to work. She got up from her barstool and fell over).
She asked Marshall not to tell anyone, but he told her he told Lily. She got up to go apologize to Lily and Marshall tried to stop her, but just for a moment. Then he embraced it, telling her to emphasize to Lily that the kiss actually happened.
At the bar, Jenkins told Lily about the kiss as Marshall sat between them and kept repeating, "It happened." Lily was nodding along and smiling while casually removing her earrings. Suddenly, Lily wound up and punched Jenkins square in the face, then proceeded to unload more punches while Barney tried to record the fight on his phone.
Old Ted said that Marshall never again tried to make Lily jealous.
The next day in Ted's classroom, all the students were slumped in their chairs as a severely hungover Ted said they were going to have a nice, low-key class with not much talking and no loud noise. That's when Robin walked in, pulled out a megaphone and shouted, "Thanks for watching, 'C'mon, Get Up, New York! Woo!' She then walked out for a moment before popping back in to yell, "But, umm!"