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"Archer" Skytanic (TV Episode 2010) Poster

(TV Series)

(2010)

Quotes

Sterling Archer: Lana... Lana... Lana... LLAANNAA!

Agent Lana Kane: WHAT?

Sterling Archer: ...Danger Zone!

Sterling Archer: There's your bomber.

Malory Archer: Who?

Agent Lana Kane: What?

Sterling Archer: That guy. Beardsely McTurbanhead.

Malory Archer: You idiot. That's Sandu Singh, the billionaire investor. He's a sikh.

Sterling Archer: Oh, so if he's not a Muslim he just gets a pass?

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Capt. Lammers: We don't normally drink on the bridge.

Sterling Archer: And I don't normally fly on the Hindenburg 2.0.

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Ray Gillette: What's going on?

Lana Kane: The timer sped up!

Ray Gillette: What? Did you cut the green one?

Sterling Archer: Yes. Roger. Steven. Whoever!

Ray Gillette: What were the last two letters?

Sterling Archer: B as in butthole!

Lana Kane: Ray, what do we do here?

Sterling Archer: And M and in mancy.

Ray Gillette: What?

Lana Kane: M as in what?

Sterling Archer: Mancy. What did you think I said?

Ray Gillette: Nancy! You idiot!

Lana Kane: Ray, tell me what to do!

Ray Gillette: So, do ya'll have parachutes?

Lana Kane: No!

Ray Gillette: Well that would be, you know, problem solved.

Lana Kane: Ray!

Ray Gillette: I don't know. Push it off with your big-ass hands! Good luck, honey.

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Sterling Archer: Forget about Krause, there's your bomber. That guy, Beardsley McTurban-head.

Malory Archer: You idiot. That's Sandhu Singh, the billionaire investor. He's a Sikh.

Sterling Archer: Oh, so if he's not a Muslim he just gets a pass? Well that's called profiling Mother and I don't do it.

Capt. Lammers: Mr. Singh is a Excelsior's majority shareholder.

Sterling Archer: So.

Capt. Lammers: If anything went wrong with this flight he'd lose millions.

Sterling Archer: It's the perfect cover.

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Malory Archer: [Cheryl is lying unconscious in a pool of water] Oh, my God! What the hell happened here?

Pam: Well, she and Cyril were getting it on and Cyril lost it...

Malory Archer: So he killed her?

Pam: No, no. And then Cheryl got all freaked out and, long story short, I had to drown her a little bit.

Malory Archer: So *you* killed her?

Pam: [Cheryl comes to, spluttering water] Apparently not.

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Pam: What's the poem going to be about when Cyril snaps and murders you?

Cheryl: I don't know. World's gushiest orgasm?

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Agent Lana Kane: [On cell phone] So, what would you say if I told you that your mother made a phony bomb threat just to get a free ride on a blimp?

Sterling Archer: I'd say that's fairly classic her.

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Sterling Archer: I'm getting my turtleneck. I'm not defusing a bomb in this!

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Cheryl Tunt: Pick one. Either A, I tell Lana what happened on that scratchy green office rug or 2, you get inside me.

Cyril Figgis: Or C, maybe I just jam this mop into the engine and kill all of us.

Cheryl Tunt: I don't think that's how blimps work.

Cyril Figgis: Darn! Right, we just sort of float around. Stupid naturally safe helium.

Cheryl Tunt: But I am liking the jamming imagery. And the killing!

Cyril Figgis: And are you just gonna sit there?

Pam Poovey: Yeah, until she tags me in!

Cyril Figgis: What?

Pam Poovey: I'm kidding. My back's all messed up.

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Agent Lana Kane: Can you just get out of the way?

Sterling Archer: What? Are you going to shoot me again?

Agent Lana Kane: Yes!

Sterling Archer: Well then hang on.

[He moves out of her way]

Agent Lana Kane: Cyril's already freaked out enough about us sharing this shoebox without you air drying your unkempt bush!

Sterling Archer: Unkempt bush?

[Someone knocks at the door]

Sterling Archer: Ha, you're one to talk!

Agent Lana Kane: Huh! My vulva is smoother than a veal cutlet

[opens the door and sees Cyril]

Agent Lana Kane: with terrible timing.

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[last lines]

Agent Lana Kane: OK then. What did you want to talk about?

Cyril Figgis: Um, well, uh, a lot of stuff really.

[there is a loud explosion]

Cyril Figgis: Starting with the fact that we just bombed Ireland.

Agent Lana Kane: Um, pretty sure that's Wales.

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Cheryl: Yeah, what does a blimp do, Pam?

Pam: Uhh, kick your skinny ass?

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Ray Gillette: Lana? Hey, girl, are you there?

Agent Lana Kane: [On a video link] Yeah, I'm... Hey, can you see me?

Ray Gillette: I see your knock-off Fiacci drawers.

Agent Lana Kane: Ha, ha. You are such a bitch.

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Sterling Archer: The whole thing's a bomb. Jesus! Wanna blow us all to shit, Sherlock?

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[first lines]

Narrator of Blimp Commercial: All aboard for safety and adventure on the rigid airship Excelsior, where the pampered luxury of a cruise ship meets the smoothness of modern air travel.

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Sterling Archer: Lana. Lana? Lana! LANA!

Lana Kane: What?

Sterling Archer: Danger zone!

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Malory Archer: Stop standing around and go... thwart something!

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Pam: Oh, my God! You two banged?

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Sterling Archer: Jesus! You want to blow us all to shit, Sherlock?

[Archer slaps the face of a man attempting to light a cigarette]

Malory Archer: Sterling!

Capt. Lammers: For the last time, the Excelsior is filled with non-flamable helium!

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Sterling Archer: Hey! What'd I tell you, huh? Huh?

[Archer slaps man attempting to light cigarette]

Man Lighting Cigarette: Ow!

[Archer grabs the man and shoves several bills of money in his mouth]

Sterling Archer: There! Go buy a nicotine patch!

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Pam Poovey: You're ruining your life, you idiot! And making it hard to drop a deuce.

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Pam Poovey: Wow. You are just a dog in a manger.

Cheryl Tunt: I don't know what that means Pam, I didn't grow up on a cheese farm.

Pam Poovey: Oh for the... It's called a dairy.

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Pam Poovey: Okay, so Cyril got in over his head.

Malory Archer: Jesus. God, did he kill her?

Pam Poovey: No, no, no. He ran from her to go confess to Lana. But then this one starts freaking out and long story short, I kinda had to drown her in the tub.

Malory Archer: So you killed her?

Pam Poovey: Apparently not, so good news.

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Capt. Lammers: We don't normally drink on the bridge.

Sterling Archer: Well I don't normally fly on the Hindenberg 2.0!

Lana Kane: And Cyril doesn't normally storm off without kissing me goodbye!

Sterling Archer: So we're all out of our comfort zone.

Malory Archer: Not me! My stateroom is gorgeous.

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Cheryl Tunt: Yeah. What does a blimp do, Pam?

Pam Poovey: Kick your skinny ass!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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