- Richard: Are you available for a fake romance with a movie star?
- Jenna Maroney: Does chewing on a sponge trick your brain's hunger centers? Yes, yes, a million times yes!
- Liz Lemon: Well now you just have to hope that it's a girl.
- Tracy Jordan: I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled, "Susan B. Anthony," at the moment of conception.
- James Franco: You can't just break up with me. I'll sue you for breach of contract. Oh, you, you're being such a non-pillow right now!
- Jenna Maroney: But don't you understand? I just want something real in my life for once. I want what you have with Kimiko.
- James Franco: Oh, Kimiko-tan. What am I doing, Jenna? Pretending to be something I'm not? Making myself miserable when I've got happiness waiting for me at home? Unless Kimiko's jealous of the ottoman. There's nothing going on there. That's a business relationship.
- Jenna Maroney: Don't "Lemon" your life, James. Be happy.
- James Franco: I'm the actor James Franco, damn it. And I'm in love with, and common law married to, a Japanese body pillow!
- Randy Lemon: Liz, do you know how hard it was growing up gay in Methenburg, Pennsylvania? The local TV station edited "Will and Grace" down so much that it was just called "Karen."
- Frank Rossitano: Hey, Liz. We're playing the Today show drinking game. You do a shot every time they give a dumb travel tip.
- Matt Lauer: [on the show] I like to take the shampoo and put it in the little travel-sized bottles. Then I take the original bottle and put it back in the shower. For later.
- Frank Rossitano: [takes a shot with the writers]
- Randy Lemon: Why did you even leave White Haven, Liz? When was the last time you watched the sunrise?
- Liz Lemon: Sometimes, at work.
- Randy Lemon: Or kissed a boy you just met?
- Liz Lemon: Gross.
- Randy Lemon: Or went dancing? I'm not going home until I make you appreciate living here. Tonight, we are going to do that makeover for real. And then, I'm taking you out.
- Liz Lemon: Yeah, okay, fine. I mean, who am I to tell Jenna that she doesn't know how to be happy when I can't even figure out my own...
- Randy Lemon: [puts his hand up] Stop. So bored... Did I do that right?
- Liz Lemon: Yeah, that was super bitchy.
- James Franco: You and I pretend that we met while filming a movie called "Space Attack" - my title. This movie will never be released because my performance will be deemed too provocative for America.
- Jenna Maroney: I wish I lived in France.
- James Franco: But out of this experience, we found each other, et cetera, et cetera. Five dates a week. One fight a month. And because of a product placement deal with Jamba Juice, the fight will be in a Jamba Juice.
- Jenna Maroney: Last night, James kissed me. And for a second, I forgot it was fake. And it was incredible. Now having lunch with James and the actress who plays my mom somehow seems hollow. What's wrong with me?
- Jack Donaghy: Nancy Donovan. Still so organized. In German class, Mr. Kruger always chose her to sort the students. He was eventually arrested by Israeli commandos.
- Jack Donaghy: On the 30th, she took Flight 1470 to RSW. He left the next day for CVG. They have to be different cities.
- Kenneth Parcell: Uh, Fort Myers and Cincinnati. Did you not learn your nation's airport codes in high school?