Charlie Kelly: [after informing a rival bar that the gang poisoned them 10 year ago to win a flip cup tournament] Check it out... Who's to say we didn't put that very same poison in the drinking water?
Mac: [customers begin spitting out water] Everybody relax. He's lying. He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie Kelly: No, I don't have any on me. But, I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank Reynolds: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles.
Frank Reynolds: What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie Kelly: Well, that's mayonnaise. That's a decoy.
Frank Reynolds: And the mayo?
Charlie Kelly: That's shampoo.
Frank Reynolds: You're telling me I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie Kelly: If you're using the mayonnaise, yeah... probably.
Dennis Reynolds: These kids these days, I'll tell you what. They are nothing like we used to be back when we were in fraternities. They have no respect for anybody, okay? They're like stupid little goddamn savages.
Frank Reynolds: They're bitches, they're bitches! They're little bitches!
Dennis Reynolds: I came in there, right? And I was polite, and I was nice to them. I was cordial. And they completely goddamn disrespected me! Little idiots! Idiots! I was completely respectful. They're supposed to be my brothers, right? They're my brothers? No, no, that's lot fun. What they were doing wasn't fun. They kept zapping us and zapping us. Idiots! Savages! Idiots! Idiots!
Charlie Kelly: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put 'em in their place.
Mac: How are you gonna do that?
Charlie Kelly: Well, you've seen the movie, right?
Charlie Kelly: So all I gotta do is I'll ask them some like big shot, like, math or science, history-type college question and then I'll totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: Yeah, in that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor. You're just a janitor.
Charlie Kelly: ...Right.
Charlie Kelly: ... Ah, you stumped me with that one.