- Leslie Knope: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
- Ron Swanson: People are idiots, Leslie.
- Tom Haverford: Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are... Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our inquiries.
- Tom Haverford: [looking at a picture of himself holding a small mug] What is he thinking?
- April Ludgate: "Why is my cup so tiny?"
- Tom Haverford: Girl, you're more precious than Precious.
- Donna Meagle: Uh-uh.
- Tom Haverford: Nice hat, wanna bone? That's you talking to me.
- Donna Meagle: No. How about "Yes, I am a hunter, and it's you season?"